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A Scotish man was at a baseball game.
It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the mound, he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run, Run."
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scotish man was now exited and ready to get into the game.
The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotchman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye basstarrd, rrrun!"
Everyone around him started laughing. So the Scotchman, extremely embarrased, sat back down. A friendly fan, seeing the Scotchman's embarassment, lened over and said, "He can't run - he got four balls."
The Scotchman then stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man...walk with pride!"
A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers’ license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."
He opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.", and she processes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."
Joke: Thirty Times In A Row
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.
The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
I Can Still Taste You On My Lips
I can still taste you on my lips
and your scent still fills the air
my chest warm by your gentle breath
even though you are so far away
I see you in my restless dreams
You gently soothe away the pain
I hear you softly call out be mine
and whisper that we'll meet again
so long we shared a perfect love
this is not the way for it to end
let's spend our lives as lovers do
not just as distant proper friends
I long for you, and spend my days
I make my plans and try to start anew
in loving memories, of yesterday
to be together, just me and you
1/2/2006 4:37 pm
Oh God I think I might qualify for disability.|
1/2/2006 7:02 pm
Thanks for stopping by|