|Blogs > rm_loneremily > That's a'more|
I need some work!
I need some work!
Yeah--so, It's obvious people like my face. And the guys I've been with recently didn't have a PROBLEM with the rest... But, I know I still need some work. That's me being honest with myself.
And I obscenely HATE when people say: "You look great... For someone with three kids."
When directed to watch a video, I ended up watching a few more indie-pop girls... And I KNOW that I could sing them under a table! AND I have a lot of rage and bitterness and contentment that is so beloved in songs--couple that with an ease to write... I think I could do the Minneapolis music scene, for sure.
But, I want to get the work done, first. As insurance.
So, now, with the job offer in place (pending background check, drug test, and credit check), I realize if I want this done anytime soon, I'm going to have to find another source of revenue (don't say the kids' dad, because even if I wanted to fight him in court for something--it wouldn't make any difference, and it would just ensure his place in jail).
I find I'm faced with THE SAME F*CKING DILEMMA AS I WAS BEFORE I EVER WENT TO COLLEGE!!!
And that is; have absolutely NO LIFE for a while, make some money, and get better (because even if it didn't work out I'd still be totally hot)--or relish the mommy life for all of its good virtues.
I know most guys would have their decision immediately--but for me, it's REALLY hard. The idea of not seeing the kids very much pulls at my heart strings TEN-FOLD. I know if I saved every penny I could totally have this by the end of the year. For sure.
But, at what cost? Missing my little baby with her first crawl? Or miss seeing my middle baby using her first, REAL sentence? What if I couldn't have their birthdays off?
I don't know. The fun life is FUN--but forgettable. The babies are precious, and sweet... And they are fun, too--just in an EXTREMELY different way!
What would I have done? Breast augmentation (duh), tummy tuck, leg molding and probably a little lipo. In the US it'd be impossible for this to happen within a year--but in Mexico, I could have all of that done for about $6,000. Sounds like a McDonald's gig, to me.
The thought of that perfect belly clad with a tattoo of purple petals all around it--OH... Cool.
I don't know. It's so hard! I really want to wear a belly shirt with a short skirt--along the lines of school girl outfit... With pigtails and a lollypop. Maybe a tie. And chunky mary janes. I used to do that look so well.
And I want to wear my blue pants, again (the ones that made me a mom in the first place).
What a decision!
7/18/2006 12:38 pm
GIRL give your head a shake. What in the world are you thinking of and who or what is defining who you should be or what you think you want to be?|
If you must think twice about making the right decision ... then I think your money would be better spent on a different type of Doctor.
I appreciate that you feel that you have lived a lifetime full of responsibilities in a very short maturation span. Having babies doesn't allow a time out for Mum.
I think that you have associated yourself as just "Mum" enforced by stretch marks, less than perky boobs, a behind that reminds you of too numerous of nights slouched on the couch from sheer exhaustion not vaguely familiar to your days of partying never looking at a clock never mind being in bed by 9:00 with a smile that would light up a room and knock them dead in their tracks knowing that the only room you will see is the Laundry Room and eyes that are afraid to look into a mirror in fear that a glimpse of the walking dead would just push you over the edge let alone isolated who is there because your Mr. seems to be working late every night.
Sound familiar? Can I tell you that it will get better, that your kids will be your salvation, that "Cowboy Take Me Away" is a real life story, that F--ing your way to acceptance is all you need or a nip and tuck and tuck and nip will make you just perfect ... NO NO and NO!!!!!
But I can tell you for sure without doubt that hotty "Sexy Babe" you have forgotten is not lost and is you!
Take the time to get to know her again all she needs is a little special one on one time.
I have been there and glad that I am here now! I have four grown kids raised by myself and grew up by myself. Enjoy the fun there is lots to have but more so enjoy YOU!
7/18/2006 6:33 pm
Maybe it's easy for me to say cause I'm a man, and don't carry babies in my stomach, but I don't think you should change yourself. Especially if it was going to be for other people. I'm sure it's for yourself though. I wish people could accept others for who they are instead of what they should look like. I don't know, I find all types of women attractive(slim, heavyset, not so perfect). You're a mom, just take care of your kids for now.|
7/18/2006 7:10 pm
I guess the point was--I really want to get singing gigs. I don't think people will look twice without the extra ummph I had, before.|
I've talked to a few musicians, lately, and they have their nine-to-five and play a few places on the weekends. That sounds really sweet to me. I uber-want to do it.
But there are other ways, too. Like getting my online comic going--or working the comic circuit (which would be really fun). But those take much more time.
And I've never NOT needed therapy. I'm as nutty as a snickers!