The latest clueless men  

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
7028 posts
1/9/2006 3:50 am

Last Read:
4/10/2006 11:00 pm

The latest clueless men

As they say, ya couldn't make this stuff up ...

Our first candidate for clueless of the week seems to have a problem separating chat from email.

well hello there. i really love the profile. u seem very fiesty. i love that in a woman. also i love the pics. i am married but really need something on the side. i think that given the opportunity, i could please u in any and every way possible. i would love to take u out to a fancy dinner then take u to a nice hotel and make mad passionate love to u. if u give me the chance, i will make it worth your time. i really hope to hear from u soon.

Do I have to say "no married men" in my profile? God, I have about everything else I don't want there, but it seems that I need to have a grocery list of everything I want and everything I don't. In his profile, he says he and his wife play together, but no mention of her here.

BTW, gentlemen, "fiesty" is a word I commonly associate with little, yappie dogs, not with me. Condescension is not a turn on.

Candidate number two:

Hello Ms. Care to give your body what it has been yearning for? If so I have what it wants, it’s a massive 10 ¾ (Length) 6 ¾ (Circumference) cock. Breathless I stand seeing a woman, not knowing if I am worthy of. To hold would be Heaven to touch, to make her cum would be a dream come true. If she would only speak to me and give me a chance? Allow me to introduce myself I'm an attorney from N.Y., I live on Long Island a suburb of N.Y.C.

Dear sir, I commonly don't do anything larger than a Shetland pony. I've measured, and 11 inches places the tip of your penis about my belly button, or 4 inches past my cervix. I don't think that would be very comfortable.

I haven't written about large cocks in my blog, but have commented on them elsewhere. I'm a very small woman, and am not interested in trying to accomodate a trophy cock. There are plenty of size queens adverstising on this site. If you are much beyond average, stick to those who are interested in this sort of thing.

Other comments: I hope that his legal briefs are easier to read. The grammar is so tortured that I had to read it several times to gain a complete appreciation of it.

Obviously, "local" (as I specify in my profile) has a wide definition. Locals are within 600 miles?

I don't mean to be offensive, and I am sure that there may be lawyers, somewhere in the world, that are nice people. Having been through a divorce from a lawyer,however, I have a bit of predjudice. I am firmly in the camp that believes there are too many lawyers in the world.

This one was fairly typical:

I'm sorry about the pic, the only one I have on my laptop has my ex in it.

My answer:
Please send me her contact info. I think she's very pretty.

His answer:
We are still together she's in Florida with me. She likes women that are hot also. maybe we could all three hook up!

I thought he said it was his 'ex'???

I am slowly (yes, I admit it, I'm a little slow sometimes) discovering that sarcasm is totally lost on my correspondents. Every time that I send a sarcastic response, I get an earnest and hopeful response. Note to self: curb the urge.

caressmewell 53F

1/9/2006 10:48 am

AdultFriendFinder's comment.

I relate..I get the same kinda of stupid email.

AughtMusedSpill 48M

1/9/2006 11:47 am

Your sarcasm may be lost on your clueless emailers, but it is greatly appreciated by your faithful readers.

Please don't stop abusing them

sillyperv 54M

1/9/2006 12:26 pm

If they can't write, they can't read. Wit demands that the reader pay attention. When you can't even remember what you wrote in your first email and lie in your second -----?
These guys are fishers with really bad bait. They're just going to keep yanking their hook until they catch someone. Be thankful you can "read" them by the first sentence.

MyRealLoverOne 46M

1/9/2006 1:38 pm

Sounds like they like the abuse. It does have a certain entertainment value I guess.

SlowPlayin 50M

1/9/2006 2:41 pm

Where will all the madness end? LOL ... just remember ... and I'm standing up for all the men here ... obtuseness isn't gender-specific... and I have a few of my own stories about women from this site to back that up. I trully enjoy your blogs though ... I'm learning by example of what NOT to do ... so, thanks ... you're definitely over-the-top-interesting so I have a question for you...the answer describes you.

Shutterbug02 63M

1/9/2006 2:51 pm

I understand your words. My page tells you what I interested and willing to do it with. Words mean thing and I thought I used a lot of small words to keep it simple and have edited it several times to make it easier to understand. All you want to provide is a wonderful rewarding time with total respect. I don't do guys, I'm not into servicing your trophy wife (who is not really into it but goes along with it) while you watch or hide in the closet. Or some guy pretending to be a woman, that provide porn site pictures and paases them off as them. The list gones on and on. I write back to everyone with my expectations, these poeple get a list unreasonable demands take or leave it stuff. They usually leave. The stories I could tell.

biggiesmalls91 42M
1 post
1/9/2006 3:55 pm

Some people are just silly.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
1/9/2006 4:55 pm

    Quoting sillyperv:
    If they can't write, they can't read. Wit demands that the reader pay attention. When you can't even remember what you wrote in your first email and lie in your second -----?
    These guys are fishers with really bad bait. They're just going to keep yanking their hook until they catch someone. Be thankful you can "read" them by the first sentence.
LMAO!!! Thanks!

rm_Ijerkalot 47M

1/9/2006 5:53 pm

I was going through the members online and saw your ad, or rather your picture, so I clicked. Then I read it. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Shows that Darwin could have been wrong. I can only apologize for my brethern whose only association I have with is a "Y" chromosome. I have no idea as to why some of these people pay the money or take the time so that they can extort you and others from your time. I am certain it is not just a redneck or trailer-trash thing but it is true that many of us men are quite stupid and let the world know it constantly. So I hereby apologize for all that you have had to endure in your trek to find suitable partners and hope (not that it will do any good) that it will stop soon.

Efilnikufecin69 47M

1/11/2006 2:37 am

You are too funny Kelli! Love your sarcasm! Keep it coming!

KDR305 46M/46F

1/13/2006 3:20 pm

Great post as always, Kelli.

I would love to find a blog written by someone like Candidate #1, so I could ask him if that approach has EVER worked for him.

As for Candidate #2: I've personally never measured my penis, but if I ever decide to do so, I surely hope I'm confident enough that I don't have to include every fraction of an inch. And if that chum is a lawyer, the requirements of the bar exam need to be raised to include "Must be able to communicate via the written word". Jeez, what a mess.

My sarcasm gets me into a different kind of trouble. I often post something that I think is obviously meant to be sarcastic, only to end up explaining myself later to those who miss the joke. Sometimes it's my fault for being too dry, I'll admit. But I can't and won't stop. It's too much fun when that rare person does "get" me.

Please don't rein in your sarcasm. If for no other reason, to continue entertaining us, your devoted readers of the gut-busting laughs from the idiots who reply.

I for one would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Okay... it's probably more like the base of my penis, but you get the idea. Sometimes I drop by just to look at your photo, even after I've read all your current blogs.

I realize that it's that same photo that brings these losers out of the woodwork, so I thank you for staying strong and keeping it up there for those of us who truly appreciate your beauty.

BTW: I know I talk about the photo alot, but I wouldn't be here if you didn't write thought-provoking, interesting and often very funny posts.

You're quite a lady.

'Til next time.


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