Statistical relationships  

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
7027 posts
2/16/2006 3:29 pm

Last Read:
4/10/2006 10:40 pm

Statistical relationships

I just saw a study by the Pew Research Institute in DC. Some of their findings:

16% - the number of unattached singles that say they're looking for a partner

55% - the number that report no interest in a relationship

In the 18-29 age group:

38% - not looking for a partner

22% - looking for a partner

40% - currently in a relationship

Of those who said they dated or would like to date:

36% - had not had a date in the past 3 months

13% - had one date in that period

22% - had 2-4 dates

25% - had 5 or more dates

The current median age for a first marriage is 25 for women and 27 for men, but the ages are higher for college graduates.

33% of men and 25% of women 30-34 have never been married. (Hmmm ... ??? a bit of a discrepancy there ...)

One speculation I've read is that on-line dating sites discourage marriage. This theory says that by being able to fill out a profile, and what you are looking for in a partner, tends to harden ideas about what's acceptable to you. In other words, if a guy or gal only meets 90% of the items on the check list, we tend to conclude that they are not marriage material. Or even dating material.

I know on this site, if I say that I'm only interested in guys between 35-45, and do a search, I'll never see the guys that are 34 or 46. If I say I want a non-smoker, I won't be presented with one, who has a fixable problem (I mean, it's not like he has a 14" cock or no tongue, both of which I would consider non-fixable problems).

What do you think? Does this site actually prevent people getting laid?


caressmewell 53F

2/16/2006 4:16 pm

Based on the email I receive...yep. Then again, I believe that there are people here that probably could not get laid before they joined this site.


im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
2/16/2006 4:31 pm

I've never been laid from anyone on this site. Yet I wouldn't put it down to my check list. I've made some great connections with people far outwith my desired mileage. In fact most of my connections seem to be outwith the mileage. Maybe that says something about me, maybe I'm less scary from a distance.
I've never not talked to someone just because they don't meet my requirements. I'm picky yes but I'm not going to have everything set in stone. There are however certain issues that I won't compromise on, I have to admit smoking is mine. It's fixable yes, but I'm not going to say hey you have to stop smoking before we can do anything. They would have to want to change for themselves until then we could be friends but beyond that nothing else because for me smoking is a huge turn off. Quite often the non fixable problems aren't such a big deal when you see the package of a person as a whole. Sometimes there is just a connection that can overcome.


whats4dessert2 49M

2/16/2006 4:33 pm

Wow, interesting perspective Kelli. Never thought of it that way but, then again, I'm not even sure that's why I'm here. In fact, I'd hazard a guess that, although there are a ton of people here looking for just that option, I'd bet that a good percentage of participants on this site are NOT seeking to get laid. I'd bet that a lot of them are searching for some sort of virtual escape from their sedentary lives.

I think that, in the end, there are a whole bunch of reasons that people are here other than “to get laid”. I bet there are a ton of ex high school heroes and cheerleaders that come on here looking to recapture some of the vestiges of a that youth that has passed them by. I bet there are a ton of people that play the “What if I were someone I’m not? Would I even have the potential to get laid then?” game. Then there are those that are actually trying to fill the gaps in a life that didn’t meet all the expectations that they had hoped for so they’re seeking validation through online interaction. Finally, there are really those that are trying to get laid.

If we filter out all those NOT trying to get laid and end up with those that are really here just for that purpose we would then need to filter out the people seeking a longer term relationship from the “fuck me and forget me’ participants. I’d imagine that each have their varying levels of tolerances in what they’re looking for and what they’re willing to compromise on. However, at the end of the day, can we consider any of the discrepancies between profiles “problems” per se. They may be issues of compatibility but if someone is a smoker or lacks appropriate “equipment” or is the wrong age then it really is what it is.

I think that relationships often fail or encounters often become disappointing because one member may want to change the other into “being more compatible” instead of appreciating the differences and capitalizing on the best of each of the person. People are people and if we compromise on what we want or put on airs to seem more compatible, it ultimately builds resentment one way or the other.

So, in answer to your question, I think that a site like this exposes more people who want to get laid to more like minded people than they would normally experience in the real world. Ergo, I think that a site like this helps people to get laid by people who are more suited to them on first inspection but, at the same time, sometimes prevents people from seeing past their preconceived notions into the potential of others. In the real world, the potential of these others may not have been so readily discarded.

I hope my first entry to this BLOG I’ve been reading for some time now wasn’t too wishy washy in my answer but one way or another Keli keep writing and I’ll keep reading.

Thanks for your efforts


kyplowboy22 61M

2/16/2006 5:18 pm

People primarily exclude themselves from the list of suitable suitors. I think some goals are unrealistically specific, designed to exclude everyone on purpose. That way the screener does not have to bothered with whole ordeal. We're all human, we all have warts; you have them, I have them, we all have them. The search for perfection is the quest for El Dorado. To expect perfection is to assure a self-fulfilling prophesy of failure. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy. Later

kpb

PS: I have met several people from the site and they have all been perfect; perfectly human.


MillsShipsGayly 51M

2/16/2006 5:30 pm

Okay, I am still laughing from reading your blog. You are quite impressive, to say the least!


rm_art_persists 51M
1789 posts
2/16/2006 5:40 pm

we're all locked up with our computers in our own rooms...


49AK 55M
1823 posts
2/16/2006 5:56 pm

I think that those criteria mean different things to different people. I know that some people are kinda locked into the criteria they select, and others aren't. I'd like to see the site do fuzzy edges, so that it would present matches to you that were good in lots of ways, but outside in one (or two). If someone were a perfect match in every way except smoking, I'd want to see it. Similarly, if the age was off by a year or two, but otherwise interesting, I'd want to see it.

I don't think that it prevents you from getting laid, but I think that it doesn't want to be too successful... Otherwise the repeat customers would go away.


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/16/2006 6:23 pm

It is definately easy to hide here in cyberland, and even achieve a weird sort of bonding. I don't think it stops people from getting laid, but I can see it definately reducing a person's willingness to committ. You can always go to the well when you get thirsty right?

That's my 2 1/2 cents!

lustytaurus


imaman58 53M
12 posts
2/16/2006 6:39 pm

Those are interesting numbers. I'm a professor on a typical large college campus and it seems they run a bit counter to the everyday men and women I encounter. There is a lot of "dating" going on although very little of it is called dating. I wonder if that doesn't color the numbers. Remember Clinton's "...Did not have sex" - and I immediately knew what he meant. Younger men and women consider sex to be intercourse only.

There was a show on NPR a couple nights ago on this very topic. The hypothesis was that online dating allows men to just click past any woman who does not immediately give him what he needs. This forces women to do things they don't necessarily plan for fear that someone will. The same was considered true for women but not so much about sex. Women who date online get so many responses they can pick and choose to find someone that matches an imaginary perfection. This leads to dissatisfaction with partners which leads to fewer committed relationships which leads to less interest in dating. This seems a lot like what you suggest.

While it might not be clear how, exactly, online dating doesn't seem to help grow stable relationships. I don't really understand that because I use online dating just to meet new people. What happens afterwards depends on that person and myself. I've had excellent success establishing longer lasting relationships when that is what is desired, but it also works to find short termers. Perhaps more people actually prefer a more casual style?


pinkplaytoyz 49F

2/16/2006 6:48 pm

At first glance, it might look that way...but if anyone sticks with the site long enough, they'll figure out how to fine tune their cupid preferences to suit their needs.

As for hardening ideas, I think whoever is speculating hasn't seriously joined a dating site, or they would know that most people start out with the firm ideas, but they tend to soften them up after they realize they're getting nowhere.


SlowPlayin 50M

2/16/2006 7:41 pm

Kelli,
This is a really interesting post ... I've wondered about some of the same things. I've come to look at this site more as a form of entertainment and somewhere in the middle of it all I've made some friends (as well as the occassional hookup or date) and have been able to, perhaps, consider other points of view that I would not have otherwise had the chance to do. I still find meeting someone to date and/or hookup with much easier to do out in the real world. Some of the points you made may very well be the reason for that.

For me, personally, I think that I've added other things that I enjoy to my life ... activities, responsiblities, hobbies, etc. ... that I'm ok when I don't have a steady girlfriend or a date ... not always, but most of the time. I'm sure I've missed opportunities to date someone awesome because I'm not always looking.
Anyway ... thanks for the thought provoking post ... interesting as always,
Jim


vanna4u 38F

2/16/2006 10:10 pm

I hope not.


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
2/16/2006 11:34 pm

As I said, I read a couple of things that I thought were interesting, did a little more research. It just made me think. I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought before joining this site. I know several couples who have met on line and gotten married.

For me, the most puzzling stat was the 55% that report no interest in a relationship. I just find that hard to believe.

Thanks for the feedback.


tillerbabe 55F

2/17/2006 12:09 am

I was horny...I came here to get laid; that happened. Then I found blogging and I have found what I read in the blogs is more genuine, intelligent and entertaining than the emails I collect I have connected more with the Bloggers and I'm content with that.


MONA_14 29F

2/17/2006 5:13 am

I enjoyed reading your blog and wish that you are our Friends


sillyperv 54M

2/17/2006 8:02 am

I have come to suspect that the people who get "laid" on this site would also get laid without the cyber connections. And whatever inhibits you in reality will inhibit you here. The anonimity seems a forum to at least express fantasies and negatively express frustration and anger.

Speaking of fantasties, I was painting you with a warm, white belgian chocolate the other day while you were..........


muscles4u2have 54M
1642 posts
2/17/2006 9:16 am

I think it could change your current relationship! If you are currently married or attached! I know this site sped up my thoughts of getting a divorce and actually getting one. Three years ago I met 4 beautiful woman on here and I did have sex with all four. Had relations with 2 for awhile. Could of had sex with more, but weren't my type, from their pictures they sent. I don't think it does prvent people from getting laid. Because this is only a part of the real world! Going out all the time and mingleing with people is the better part of the action! Just my experience!


MillsShipsGayly 51M

2/17/2006 9:47 am

    Quoting rm_kelli4u2dew:
    As I said, I read a couple of things that I thought were interesting, did a little more research. It just made me think. I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought before joining this site. I know several couples who have met on line and gotten married.

    For me, the most puzzling stat was the 55% that report no interest in a relationship. I just find that hard to believe.

    Thanks for the feedback.
Saying you aren't looking for a relationship is a bit of a protective mechanism perhaps.

I find that if I am LQQKING, finding is harder; when I am not LQQKING, it somehow magically appears .... if that makes any sense.


ih8usrnames 40M

2/17/2006 8:34 pm

That 55% I'm assuming is the percentage of single people not looking for a relationship. It might depend on what the respondant's think is a "relationship". For example, to some that may be casual non-committal sex (getting laid). For others that may be a larger commitment that leads to marriage.

That figure may be so high because the respondent's didn't see "getting laid" as a relationship . There might be a substantial amount of people looking for sex without a commitment that would constitute a relationship.


zorgnot2 60M

2/17/2006 8:55 pm

I thought this site might provide a few interesting encounters.
I've had some great conversations but the women I've met in person haven't fit my criteria for sex.
I find that real life is by far the best way to meet suitable partners. Not that it couldn't happen, but this site offers just interesting reading...for me...so far. A distraction, as it were.


rm_coathanger1 48M
859 posts
2/18/2006 8:19 pm

It does seem, that if a person is not a 100% match for whats on the profile, then they get mad at you for even trying to get their attention.


NotAFreak05 40M

2/19/2006 6:36 pm

Interesting Blog and profile. However, the 33% of men that are unmarried and 25% of unmarried woman isn't a discrepancy if there are generally more woman than men.


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
2/19/2006 6:43 pm

Interesting comments. I don't think that someone with poor relationship skills is going to get laid because of this site. In my case, it makes it somewhat easier to meet people. I work 60+ hour weeks, and consider coworkers off limits. This site makes it possible to meet people who I would never meet otherwise.


rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
2/20/2006 11:49 am

nope, this site def. makes it easier for me to meet people ... in the evenings i mostly stay home with baby sleeping, so not much chance for getting out, unless i've made a date and organised a babysitter...



[blog freelove999]


womanoirish 53F

2/20/2006 6:27 pm

This site has not prevented me from getting laid. )

To speculate on your other question about online dating sites preventing marriage, I don't think that's the case. I think it has to do with a large amount of other factors about our society such as the extension of childhood and by default, young adulthood, education, the amount of options open to young people that were not available to earlier generations, to name a few.


wantonwill 60M

2/20/2006 6:42 pm

Kell...You have to admit, the Title of the website here is AdultFriendFinder...not adult Flump finder. I've only ben here about 10 days...havent scored a romp in anyone's heather yet...but have made a couple of new female friends. Perhaps you would care to read and comment in my blog...I'm always looking for new friends...who knows...I might get "lucky" soe time soon.

P. S. regarding proper spelling in your profile...it's Eiffel Tower and proceeds(to ravish me). that'll be 15 minutes of suspended double secret probation for you young lady!


Lookinforsex649 52M
182 posts
2/20/2006 7:22 pm

Read your response on Frogger's going Standard post and got to admit that you are right. Your pictiure made me do it. Read your Blog I mean. Killer Ass. You must do sets of lunges with weights in hand for that development.


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
2/20/2006 11:06 pm

wantonwill - Thank you for the editing. I've corrected my errors. I find the spell checker here so cumbersome that I don't use it. I did check your blog. What are you going to post for day 149?

Lookin - I swam and skiied when I was growing up. As a result, I have broad shoulders (and chest) and thick thighs (and a broad ass).

womanoirish - thanks for stopping by! Love your blog! That may be. I got married rather young, and am only now exploring singleness. I spent most of my 20s around people 20-30 years older than I am.


StaynHardnHot 42M
305 posts
2/21/2006 2:12 am

Kelli, i'm not sure why i'm still on this wretched site, but i'm sure it has more to do now with experiencing enlighted, progressive, intelligent yet sexy females like you and Miss Frogger that i have yet to experience in my daily life(that i know of at least!). I'm sure geting laid was my primary objective when i fisrt came here, but it certainly isnt now, as there are other sites which i've seen that are far less arduous to that end. As for women, i dont think getting laid would be difficult either on or off this site, but i think it definately helps the selection process if you want to weed through the candidates..lol Btw....thank God for broad asses..

Chris


StaynHardnHot 42M
305 posts
2/21/2006 2:21 am

I'm also with Michael_IG65 when he says "if you're looking you wont find and when you not looking it magically appears"...it seems to go with my social life as well..so 'm currently "not looking" ..lol. I am also here because of work, being in primarily an all male industry, and until recently travelly weeks at a time...looking on here was certainly better than nothing


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