rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
7028 posts
1/9/2006 8:57 pm

Last Read:
5/24/2006 6:51 pm


I was having a conversation with my friend this weekend (have to sorta set the stage for this, ok?) about love. He came over this weekend to tell me that he's going away. He got a job about 1500 miles away. It really hit me a lot harder than I would have thought.

I told him that I wanted to spend as much time as I can with him while he's here, and that's what started the conversation.

Very gently, he told me that while he would like that, there were other people that he had to spend some time with, other friends.

It was the first time that it really hit me that the other women that he sees are people that he has an emotional connection to. Silly me, huh? I've known all along that he has other women, and I've never made a secret that I had other men (after all, all he'd have to do is read my blog, right?), but I guess I always thought that I was special, that the way he made me feel, the sweet things he said were for me alone.

I asked him if he was taking any of them with him, and he said no. I asked if he loved any of them.

He set down his beer, turned to me, and said, "Yes, I love two of them. Just like I love you."

Now what the hell kind of crap is that?!?

And he said, "Listen to me." And I did.

He said that the number of people that a person can love is limited only by that person's capacity to love. That the amount of love a person has to give is limited only by the amount of love a person has, by their ability to love. He said that when he is with me, he loves me with all of his being, all of his heart, and that when he is not with me, he doesn't change the way he feels about me, that he always remembers me and cares about me.

He asked why I would think that his loving someone else would diminish the love he feels for me. He said that he has enough love that he doesn't need to take any from me to give someone else.

Now, I've heard similar things in the past, but listening to him I realized that he was articulating something I've always felt. People try to make you feel guilty about having feelings for more than one person. They try to tell you that if you love more than one person, then you're really not in love with either of them.

Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I don't think that is true. I think I have a great capacity for love, and I resent someone who wants to hoard all of that for themselves.

Why can't I love more than one person? Why can't I give myself to whomever I please, and feel the pleasure, and the warmth, and the love that they have for me?

He's going away in another week, and my heart is breaking. But I know that there is a man, maybe not with me, who loves me, and that is a good thing. And I know I'll find others who will love me, and I will love them, and it won't change what he and I have, will have, as long as the memories last, as long as the phones work, as long as I am willing to have all of him when he's with me, if that ever happens again.

Shutterbug02 63M

1/9/2006 9:36 pm

I feel in love with a woman and still am I think. We were seeing each other for about six months. It took me about six months to get over it. She stayed with her husband, because he is a good provider, good with the kids. I see her now and the for lunch, or coffee. I know how that special one can take your breath away and make time stand still.I know how you feel my heart goes out to you.

SlowPlayin 50M

1/9/2006 10:17 pm

You really are a very interesting person and this is a thought provoking blog. Maybe UNIQUE is a better word... which is the answer to my previous post by the way... HOW DO YOU CATCH A RABBIT? answer: UNIQUE up on it... lol ... corny? Anyway, I feel alot the same way... for one reason or another, many people come into your life ... sometimes concurrently but then are gone again. I lost my wife in a car accident in 1988 but I'm often reminded of her by my son's expressions, or his athletic competiveness... even his occassional temper. While some might feel that such accute memories would keep me from loving someone else as much, I emphatically disagree. I think that most "life growth" comes from loss ... including the capacity to love more... just my opinion. Awesome blog though ... keep up the good work. Good luck in finding another friendship as fulfilling as the one to which you're referring in your blog... I'm sure you'll have many options... Jim

AlbertPrince 58M

1/10/2006 4:06 am

Don't miss it ~ Auction! AlbertPrince signed

muscles4u2have 55M
1642 posts
1/10/2006 9:24 am

Plenty more fish in the sea! Maybe better fish! Variety is the spice of life.

AughtMusedSpill 48M

1/10/2006 3:19 pm

"He said that when he is with me, he loves me with all of his being, all of his heart, and that when he is not with me, he doesn't change the way he feels about me, that he always remembers me and cares about me."

So you only get all of his being and his heart, when he's with you...and the other chick gets it all when he's with her, etc. That's just silly. It's a pretty good line though.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
1/10/2006 9:39 pm

I realized when I wrote this post that a lot of people wouldn't understand. I think that I addressed the conventional mode of thinking in my post. Many, if not most, things in life are open to interpretation. Different people have different interpretations, viewed through the filter of their own experiences, their own predjudices.

Am I silly? Poor deluded, silly Kelli. I obviously need a man to tell me what I think.

Before you respond to this post, my oritinal post, please read it twice.

I think I'll have another beer.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
1/11/2006 5:08 am

As someone who has been in a very similar situation, I know exactly what you are saying. It is very much possible to love multiple people equally. Example...look at parents. They could have four or five different children and honestly be able to say that they love each one with all their heart. Yes, it is not a romantic type of love...but the principle of it is the same. There is never a limit to love, never a minimum or maximum on how many people you are "allowed" to love.
Personally, I think this post was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing something so personal.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
1/11/2006 8:38 pm

Curious, thank you. Another friend, also female, used the same analogy when we were talking about this. Enjoy your blog. Say hello to Will for me.

Efilnikufecin69 47M

1/12/2006 1:42 am

That was very, very touching! THank you for posting this. May I link it?

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
1/12/2006 2:33 am

Efi, yes, if you like.

For those who haven't read Efi's blog, it's on my watch list. Check it out.

rm_ralph7251 65M
2 posts
1/12/2006 2:57 am

Paul McCartney wrote in one of his songs: "The love you take is equal to the love you make". Who is to say that our love must be given to only one person? I think it is an very individual situation that people must decide for themselves. Wouldn't it be simply wonderful if two people of similar feeling and belief "made it" together and consistently?

bardicman 50M

1/12/2006 8:30 am

I understand your point but the practice of it is beyond me. I have loved more than one person at a time and yet there as alway been the one that I am committed too. The one that gets what the others do not get. Sexually I am monogamous

I am not dead yet

(Princess Lips)

1/12/2006 10:39 am

if you really believe in poly, I guess it could be ...

but sometimes people twist you can love more than one to fit thier own agendas too...

Do I love more than one?


the same?

different kinds of love...


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
1/12/2006 5:13 pm

redlipsprincess, yes, I think it depends on the person, and as we know a person can have many different mind sets at different times in their life. Thanks for stopping by.

bardicman, I think that awareness of one's self is very important. It's nice to hear from someone who grants me the point intellectually, even though emotionally it's foreign to them.

ralph, yes, it would be nice ...

KDR305 46M/46F

1/13/2006 3:03 pm


Thank you for sharing that story. I think you already got the message that was intended for you, but I'll reiterate it anyway just to clarify:

Honesty is the key. Without it we are all lost.

He was honest with you, and you with him. More importantly, you're being honest with yourself.

Continue on this path and you will find happiness every time.

Try not to focus on the loss of his moving away so much as how lucky you are to have known him at all.

I'm tempted to whip out the old cliche: "Time heals all wounds" but the truth is; you haven't been wounded.

This was a wonderful, eye-opening experience for you. Treat it as such and you will be handsomely rewarded down the road.

Besides.... he's not likely to stray too far afield in the long run.

You HAVE seen your ass, haven't you?

blueguy1051 60M

1/15/2006 1:28 pm

Nicely written, Kel.

junglejim47172 56M

1/20/2006 8:07 pm

I believe what KDR said. Taken further with my own expieriences, whether you start from sex or from friendship, romance is achieved through developing friendships. I've had multiple lovers that I was romanticly involved with. They knew about each other and we went out on dates, sepperately, or one on each side, and even to bed together. Open and honest, there was never any bad feelings when we went our sepperate ways, to this day (20 odd years later) I still feel as strongly for them as when I dated them. How can you say you love one person more than others when you have different expierience with everyone. I think it's as simple as that. You love everyone differently, it's not fair to say this one over that one. Now liking someone is different, people like different things. I think people confuse the two.

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