I'm in the mood for ... limericks!!!  

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
7027 posts
7/6/2006 7:54 pm

Last Read:
7/12/2006 3:15 pm

I'm in the mood for ... limericks!!!

I'm going to be gone for the weekend, so I won't be here to keep you entertained. However, taking my responsibilities as class clown seriously, I've come up with a way for you to keep yourselves entertained while I'm gone.

So, if you leave a comment, you have to leave a limerick. They don't have to be original, though that would be wonderful, and they don't have to be naughty, though knowing you perverts they probably will be.

In addition, I want you to vote on the limericks. Normally, I have voting on comments turned off, but I have turned it on for this post. I'll cum up with a suitable prize for the limerick that gets the most votes (and also for the one that gets the most groans).

Here are a couple I found to prime the pump, so to speak. So, c'mon and make me proud of you!

There was a sly wily Berliner,
Renowned as a secretive sinner.
So sly, elementary,
And phased was his entry,
No fraulein detected him in her.

A cute knickerless lady of Clyde
Felt her shoelace was coming untied,
So she bent sweetly over,
And men down to Dover
Popped out, and a few slipped inside.

The wife of the sheik of Molucca
Would beg him for sex, or his succa.
As much as she whined,
He remained disinclined
(And so, too, did his succa) to fucca.

And my original contribution:

There was a young woman from Cork
Whose husband was really a dork
She signed up for HotMatch
And soon felt her snatch
Getting incredibly porked

Give me your limericks!!!!

rm_macallan4u 46M
968 posts
7/6/2006 8:46 pm

Here are a few that made me laugh .. or groan! Have a great weekend and come back soon. You have responsibilities you know!

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Who tried stroking his monstrous cock
With lust went berserk
And beseeched Captain Kirk,
"Bend over, this shuttle must dock!"

There was a Young Man named MacNair
Who buggered his Wife on the Stair.
The bannister Broke...
...Without missing a Stroke
He Finished her off in Mid-Air.

and this one is dedicated to Tabithaelectra79;

There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 7/6/2006 9:18 pm:

Our Tabby is gone now ...

Notfunanymore 105F
10289 posts
7/6/2006 9:09 pm

I hope you know
I'm not on this,
My mind is on my children and bliss........

Lord help this abandoned soul.
Someone worthy of making me whole.
Yeah, right!

rm_mainevern 51M
10197 posts
7/6/2006 9:26 pm

And for the eeeeewwwwww factor, we have:

There once was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save".

I Wanna Pull Purpletrashcan's Fucking Hair!

skeeter9955 35M

7/6/2006 9:43 pm

There once was a guy named Nate
Who loved to masturbate
He broke his right hand
Then thought up a plan
And learned his left hand was great.

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/6/2006 9:51 pm

Well since I had no clue what a limerick really was aside from your example's I googled these and will try to rack my brian for some original ones.

There once was a man from Madrass
Who's balls where constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass.

The limerick form is complex
It's contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex

There was a young lady of Wheeling
who claimed to lack sexual feeling
Then, a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris
She had to be scraped from the ceiling.

All men seem to be one of a kind
They'll make love just for fun, but you'll find
Women are not just about
to consider it without
Some ulterior motive This must have been written by a very bitter man surely not all women have ulterior motives (waiting for lightning strike here)


rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 7/6/2006 10:40 pm:
For not knowing what a limerick was, you found some good ones.

Hey! Vote people!!!

JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
7/6/2006 10:42 pm

I haven't done a limerick since grade 9! Maybe by the time you get back from your weekend.
Have fun... and do something about that horny itch will ya

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/6/2006 10:49 pm

Google saved my ass lol


reverend21 49M
1913 posts
7/7/2006 12:23 am

love the pic, I wonder how many people are going to realize she is nude. limerick huh, OK, you asked you it

There once a girl from Kentucky
Whose very fine ass made things just ducky
She was wise and plucky
though her life at times had been sucky
For what it was worth
she graced us with mirth
this request of her's I will abide
I just need to release my Irish side
Beautiful and bold
she's 30 years old
my heart yearns for her smile
though from her many a mile
I do reside
I guess one of us should take a ride

rm_pleasuresex3 52M
520 posts
7/7/2006 1:45 am

I'm not sure this qualifies as a Limerick but here goes:

There once was a Bible salesman in a story
Whom you might think was horny
He was named by Flannery O'Connor
But he didn't think that an honour
Because she named him Manley Pointer
He wanted to get back at her

ella1966 50F
1528 posts
7/7/2006 3:04 am

Ditto above... but very little I could do, given that I am an uncouth Aussie!

There was a young shiela called Kelli
With an arse that should be on the telly
Kelli met a real aussie bloke
and asked "Can you get me a Coke?"
But he replied, "Do ya fancy a poke?"

Loves ya,

ella XX

N.B. Translation: - shiela = woman
- bloke = man
- telly = television
- poke = sex, also referred to as a a "root"

sweetsexdreams 37M
30 posts
7/7/2006 4:10 am


maverick1255 51M
3953 posts
7/7/2006 5:30 am

Ok, here is one!

Goldylocks was prowling at night
when three bears came into her sight
Father Bear's was too small
while mom had none at all
but the 'Little' Bear: his was just right!

rm_macallan4u 46M
968 posts
7/7/2006 6:49 am

Sorry K, can't see the voting thingy!

As for our sweet sexy Tabby, she's on to bigger and better things!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 7/7/2006 9:06 am:
You can't see the box on the right of a comment that says

Disagree Neutral Agree

and a Vote thingy? Hmmm ...

Yes, Sweet Tabs is off to get married and move to Spain. What a lucky man!

T_A_B_75 41M

7/7/2006 8:12 am

There once was a blogger named Ted,
Who had a very large head,
It was called his ego,
And as far as we know,
It's what kept him from getting ahead.

T_A_B_75 41M

7/7/2006 8:26 am

One day out on the dock,
Kelli and Ted went for a walk,
Ted tripped on a board,
Both parties were floored,
Surprisingly all they did then was talk.


7/7/2006 9:12 am

Remember this! For a Limerick to be considered an authentic, genuine and bona fide Limerick it absolutely MUST be sexual in basic nature. Them is the rules to the form. And with that said...

there once was lass named Kelly
who made butterflies in my belly
one day she attacked me
and ate-like-Big Mac'ed me
and swallowed my roll filled with jelly


alphuctup 40M

7/7/2006 9:17 am

There was once a young man from Devon,
With his tongue he took ladies to heaven,
Then one night he broke down,
She said "keep licking you clown",
But cramp had set in as she was number seventy seven.

rm_macallan4u 46M
968 posts
7/7/2006 9:51 am

OOOh that box. We'll call it a friday thing!

... lucky man indeed, lucky for Catalans as well!

Why do I have the sudden urge to visit my cousin in Barcelnoa... me wonders!

rm_young3901 51M

7/7/2006 9:56 am

Here's to the girl in the little red shoes,
She likes her men, she likes her booze,
She lost her cherry but that's no sin,
Cause she's still got the box that cherry came in.

MillsShipsGayly 51M

7/7/2006 10:07 am

To Denver from Louisville she flew
That sexy ass Kelli..2dew
In bed, every night
She turns out the light
And does what she must to make-do.

Sprawled out on the sheets in a nightie
Her hands sliding down past her belly
Those clitoral urges
Waves crashing in surges
And she smiles to herself so slyly.

Brazen yet shy, not one to repress
"I want them both" I heard her confess
She loved a good dick
But pussy she'd lick
And the right threes were never excess.

To our kelli who asked for a rhyme
A limerick to last a lifetime
I lift up a glass
And do scratch my ass
"Tequilas to you, it's your bedtime."

endowed_4_fun 41M
113 posts
7/7/2006 10:17 am

Juicy knew not of the limerick,
So she used her google trick.
She found a few
Which gave her a clue
That it's all about pussy and dick.

StaynHardnHot 42M
305 posts
7/7/2006 10:49 am

There once was a lady named Kelli
When meeting men, she reduces them to jelli
But deep down inside
There is`a secret she hides
Her shyness a cover for a horny lil vixen
If she comes out, rock your world, she is a fixin'!!

Ok, not in the top 10 i'm sure but original at least and seeing how someone already stole my google idea, i had no choice. Hope you like it Kel Have a great time this weekend!!

fmisvme 46M/36F

7/7/2006 2:37 pm

There once was a girl who loved prose,
whose bottom resembled a greek pose,
according to her last post,
what she wanted the most,
was someone who could curl her toes.

Hmmm...wonder if you can figure out who this is about.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

HoopsPhymaUreal 41M
153 posts
7/7/2006 3:22 pm

There once was an AdultFriendFinder blog
Whose author I wanted to snog
Made a limericking post
Hoping to get voted for the most
But as it happened she just kissed my dog.

Wordsmith2004 36M
7233 posts
7/7/2006 4:28 pm

There once was a Man name Geney
From Kilarney and he had a ten inch "Thingy"
That he showed to the Mum next door
She mistook it for a snake
And hit it with her rake
And now it's less than five or four!

Conserve Water and Prevent Global Warming: Shower With A MILF!

BigIrish100 42M

7/7/2006 6:21 pm

I'm not sure how good this is but here goes...

The Adventures of Finnegan

Little Finnegan, full of promise and glee
befriended a lad when he was still wee
he stole the boy's dog
and went hunting for frogs
until he got stung in the ass by a bee

Alas, young Finnegan's soul would never be free
for he did a deed, quite devious indeed
later in life
he met the man's wife
and diddled her under a tree

Five years passed to the day
when Finnegan returned home for a stay
his friend was now a lady
she even had a baby
Finnegan vowed to stay drunk through the next May

Those are the only verses I could think up...

AughtMusedSpill 48M

7/7/2006 6:40 pm

There's a Kelli in Colorado
She says she's short on bravado
She is quite the fox
With her lovely dark locks
Something something something avocado

meresu 56F

7/7/2006 7:04 pm

There was a young oz lass
with a greatlooking ass,
She strutted her stuff
usually in the buff,
When life got to tough
and things got to rough,
She'd take a long ride
on a cock on the side,
Hubby knew she was a playing
but not staying,
bringing her coffee
on bended knee,
cause he was sure AdultFriendFinder
was for the deaf
cause she had nothin left
when he lay beside her
And make a request
then oh he would claim
Adult Fuck Finder has done it agane!!

tootsiedippin 53M/52F
1078 posts
7/7/2006 7:47 pm

Laid back was the good maiden Kelli
With a hole but inches below her belli
It oozed and it throbbed
While sensual licks were lobbed
On the pearl at the top of her Delli

Hickory Dickory Dock
Kelli slid ice the length of the cock
It shivered and shrunk
As it's load went kerplunk
While she hastily played under her frock

T & D

tootsiedippin 53M/52F
1078 posts
7/7/2006 8:20 pm

Lix and Laps and Smoochie
All belong on Kelli's sweet coochie
they make her Aaahhh and Oooohhh
they make her shiver and glow
Till all that she has goes sploochie

T & D

HoopsPhymaUreal 41M
153 posts
7/8/2006 9:35 am

A woman on the street was a knock out
A guy saw her and wanted to rock out
He approached her to say
"Come on baby, let's play."
But she just laughed when he took his cock out

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/8/2006 8:11 pm

    Quoting endowed_4_fun:
    Juicy knew not of the limerick,
    So she used her google trick.
    She found a few
    Which gave her a clue
    That it's all about pussy and dick.
lol your so cute your funny hunny


FrankPicasso 52M

7/9/2006 5:32 am

There once was a blogger named kell
Who cast an enchanting love spell
It seemed wicked easy
A maestro so breezy
Conducted her orchestra well

brad455 52M  
3 posts
7/9/2006 7:29 am

Hi Kelli,

It appears that someone may have stolen one of your pics? See... DontStare233.

You and I exchanged messages and photos last year. You had shared that I was one of 2 ppl to whom you had sent a face pic - thank you again. Hope you are well in life and enjoying your new location.

Upon glancing at your blog, you seem to have quite a following. I think you have become a spirit to people, lol.

Take Care,

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 7/11/2006 8:45 pm:
Thanks. I know that some pics of me have probably escaped on the internet. My ex spread them all over the place when we were married. For those who have seen my private albums, the fake's assertion of being a 34DD should be cause for laughter.

rm_fuckoman 52M
1 post
7/9/2006 2:21 pm

There was this woman on line
Whose bootie was almighty fine
She asked for a limerick
So here I am standing,
wanting to meet her from behind

Molyminer 61M
75 posts
7/9/2006 4:52 pm

How could a boy get a favor from a snotty hotty named Kelli?.........I crave her. I'd just like a bit of that sweet smelling slit that's been so maticulously cleaned with a shaver!!! Oh what a gorgeous lickable flavor!........mmmmmmmm........huh?

LAST CALL FOR NOMINATIONS. Abiding by these terms and conditions I hereby submit my nomination. Vote on this Ladies

HoopsPhymaUreal 41M
153 posts
7/9/2006 5:27 pm

Everyone has the limericking itch
I tell you friends, there is just on hitch
You must understand
You better write with a plan
'Cause that last line sure is a bitch!

rm_sloman44 60M
701 posts
7/9/2006 6:07 pm

There once was a man named Slo,
Who hailed from San Diego,
He had a friend named Kelli,
She turned his knees to jelly,
There was nothing body to body,
Simply his thoughts,
Awfully bawdy.

JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
7/9/2006 10:14 pm

Chilled white wine is splendid,
But too much will make you all bended,
One glass or two,
Then what will we dew?
Get our bodies entwined and blended

ahotpair4u2 65M/64F

7/10/2006 2:59 pm

There once was a hottie named Kelli
her beautiful ass jiggled like jelly
she went away for the weekend
the pervs went off the deep end
to try and squirt cum in her belly

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 7/12/2006 8:14 am:
I like it!

ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
7/10/2006 9:57 pm

There once was a young man named Sam
Who got himself into a jam
He fell in love
with two girls from above
and that was the end of poor Sam

Cowboy_Deluxe 38M

7/11/2006 5:07 am

Momma's don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys

Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 7/11/2006 9:25 am:
Hi Cowboy. Nice to see you again.

fantasylover_05 62M

7/11/2006 12:36 pm

Deeply sorry for this intrusion... but your help and the help of yor loyal readers is needed!!

[post 422494]

or go directly to her blog juliet610 juliet610

Eddie5011 42M

7/12/2006 4:58 am

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back-
Opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling.

There was an old farmer from St.pauls
who had took to really itching his balls
He drunk his moonshine
thought it was wine
and his balls shot up the walls.

Crap and I don't know if they're on here already, but you welcome. Nice picture by the way. I'd love for you to e-mail me another..

tracy_de_lacy 105F
9268 posts
7/12/2006 5:00 am

oh....the village blacksmith
he was there
balls made out of brass
everytime he farted
sparks came out his ass

oh....the village maid
she was there
looking awfully proud
hanging from the chandelier
and pissing on the crowd

oh.....the village tart
she was there
the vicars son pursued her
the white of an egg ran down her leg
the dirty cunt he screwed her

Bye everyone, it was a blast

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