Do we need a New President?  

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
7028 posts
5/9/2006 10:21 pm

Last Read:
5/15/2006 5:28 am

Do we need a New President?

WARNING - This post has a blatently political bias. If you don't like it, don't tell me about it, just go elsewhere, ok?

(News item: President Bush has taken 51 vacations in his 5 years in office. The longest was 33 days. He has already surpassed the 335 days Ronald Reagan spent on vacation during his 8 years in office.)

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of June 30, 2006.

The move is being made to save the President's 400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 million in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.

Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President as of July 4th.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.

He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his Job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center" stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should not be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.

According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile.

Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

I can't take credit for this, someone sent it to me. Original author unknown.

chasingfun27 38M
1108 posts
5/9/2006 10:49 pm

I like that shit. The rest of the world tried to tell you guys, but hey, what's 6 billion versus 300 million?

sickofthegames 41M
33 posts
5/9/2006 11:01 pm

I feel so relieved that the same person making key decisions for the nation will also be handling all my phone calls when it comes to credit card problems. I can only hope that there won't be a 30 trillion discrepancy

caressmewell 53F

5/9/2006 11:19 pm

ROFLMAO!! If only....

rm_LoyalCumpany 46M
3204 posts
5/10/2006 1:43 am

I can see the headline now...

"President picks up wrong phone, nukes Iran".

Really, I can see it even without the outsourcing.

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
5/10/2006 2:45 am

i enjoyed that one thankyou

I'm a

i'm here to stay

phangasm2003 106M

5/10/2006 5:46 am

    Quoting rm_LoyalCumpany:
    I can see the headline now...

    "President picks up wrong phone, nukes Iran".

    Really, I can see it even without the outsourcing.
Yah, more like "President picks up wrong phone, nukes Pakistan"...
Really, why stop there? There's 535 other high-paying jobs we could save a lot of money on. They could have one big conference call and do away with the capitol! Unfortunately, Indian society is more conservative in some ways than the US, so we should probably be careful what we wish for.

BuglingBull 56M/51F

5/10/2006 6:41 am

Skewering politcal comment with a hint much caffeine....excellent....

rm_macallan4u 46M
968 posts
5/10/2006 7:38 am

I absolutely love it! Hysterical... yet sad too.

sillyperv 54M

5/10/2006 7:53 am

Okay, fine, the out sourcing is always an option and since we're always complaining about big government this is a way to effiecent battle costs. Though outsourcing to a part of the world that might be familiar with the rest of the world, as opposed to being familiar with um, Texas, - well not all of Texas, but a good part of Texas, uh, the good vacationing part that is, which is, uh, is, uh, where is it again, - could lead to a radical change in direction if the new server moves off book.

As for the vacations, well he's stressed. People are always talking around him, causing the annoying buzzy thing in his head, (his wife tells him it's "thinking" but he's sure it's a tumor, so he ignores it until it goes away) and he gets tired and he needs a time out. Therefore he needs his vacations to regain his strength and maintain his golf handicap.

Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
5/10/2006 8:38 am

*doesn't say a word...just fades back into the shadows....*

RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
5/10/2006 2:17 pm

Fucking LOVED it! Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
5/10/2006 2:48 pm

You should be nicer to Pres. Bush. After all its HARD to ignore letters from Iranian presidents you know.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/10/2006 5:14 pm:
Yea, he'll probably need to take a vacation to recover ...

bigman6342 53M

5/10/2006 3:54 pm

Do we need a new President?...hmm you are assuming we have one in there already....President Cheney is a shmuck and King Bush is a puppet with an oil grubby hand shoved so far up his rectrum it is pathetic

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/10/2006 5:15 pm:
Think about it ... we're only one massive heart attack away from Bush really becoming President ...

Cowboy_Deluxe 38M

5/10/2006 7:07 pm

The one thing that I have heard about Bush, that I really don't like, is that he has a mushy handshake. Mushy Bushy!

goodatpoetry2 67M
13115 posts
5/10/2006 11:12 pm

That was great!
Bush's spending is going to be the ruin of this country. Russia went bankrupt, and look what happened. It went from a world power, to just another country. It CAN happen to us, but people seem to think we are golden.
Great post!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/11/2006 5:07 am:
Having spent a lot of time in Russia, you are so right.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
5/11/2006 6:31 pm

Mr. Singh couldn't do a worse job. I say we actually give it to him.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/11/2006 8:03 pm:
MissAnn, we could draw names out of a hat and find someone who could do a better job ...

Crazy_Monkey_Fac 40M
23 posts
5/11/2006 6:43 pm

I thought the cat scan GWB had last year revealed GWB had already outsourced? Or was the announcement just a formatllity to offically state where the position was outsourced to?

makesupregnant 48M
238 posts
5/12/2006 8:11 am

Thanks for the best laugh of the day.

alphuctup 40M

5/15/2006 2:57 am

I can't think why anyone would be so cruel to that nice Mr Bush!

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