Life on Life's Terms... Continued  

rm_kaaia 53F
34 posts
11/15/2005 7:54 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Life on Life's Terms... Continued


It's been a long time, almost five months since I wrote in my blog. It's been a very trying few months for me. As the days end, I pray each and every night for the strength to get out of bed. I have come to the conclusion through my son's illness that dying also kills the living a little bit at a time.

Here I am once again, in need of "blog therapy". I will continue to write these pages as my own therapeutic outlet, but also to memorialize my loving son's last days and to share with you all. Maybe, someone out there is hurting the way I was/am and if anyone can relate (I hope there isn't, because I wouldn't wish this on the devil himself) maybe I can help by my experience.

After the long ride, which seemed would never end, my husband dropped me off at my little one bedroom apartment. We had decided beforehand that my son would stay with him, since he still lived in our 4 bedroom home and decided to take a year sabbatical from employment. I was working two jobs to pay for my modest living accommodations and could not afford to miss anymore work. I wondered... maybe I should just move back into my house. Although he had cheated on me and we slept seperately for the past two years anyway, maybe, just maybe I could pull it off. It would benefit me and my son. After much thought to this, I had to remind myself of the lonliness and betrayal that I still felt at his hands. Anyway, I was seeing someone and abandoned the idea.

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