Life On Life's Terms - Continued  

rm_kaaia 53F
34 posts
6/24/2005 10:37 pm

Last Read:
2/6/2009 10:28 am

Life On Life's Terms - Continued

For anyone that has ever waited in the waiting room of a hospital, the anxiety is hell. I tried to watch television, but my thoughts of what was going on in the operating room and what the neurovascular surgeon would find once he opened up my son's head kept me from hearing anything being said. I looked around and it was as if everyone in the room was fixated on the TV. Watching, but not seeing. I needed a cigarette, I didn't dare move from the seat. I feared that if I left, I wouldn't be there should the doctor come out and need to speak with me. It had only been 20 minutes, so that was unlikely, but I wasn't taking any chances. I finally had to relieve myself and talked myself into going to the restroom when I physically couldn't will my bladder to stop hurting. On the way back I decided that I really did need to have a cigarette. I walked up to the reception desk and let the nurse know where I would be if she needed me. I inhaled the cigarette so fast that I became dizzy. Smoking it only halfway, I put it out in the ashtray and walked briskly back to the waiting room. It seemed like I was gone for an hour. Looking at the clock, in actuality, I had only been gone 12 minutes. The longer I sat there the more anxious I became. I felt as though the air was being sucked out of me. Knowing that at any moment my life could be changed drastically. I pleaded with God for my child's life. I offered myself in his place. I held my breathe each time a door opened leading back into the operating room.

Seven hours later and finally the surgeon, clad in scrubs and mask came through the door and summoned me to the side. The surgery had not been successful. He had only removed a portion of the tumor. To remove all of it would have caused my son to become blind and deaf. I was lost for words so I thanked him. Thanked him for not taking away my son's abilty to see the faces of the people who love him. His fate was now in the knowledgeable hands of the pathologists. I would have to again WAIT. I do not have the patience to wait any longer. Damn it. Please... someone tell me the words I want to hear. Tell me that this has been a terrible mistake and I can take my son home.

71charlotte 45M

6/25/2005 5:29 pm

I truly am at a loss for words. I tell you this, God bless you and you son, you both are in my prayers.

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