Life On Life's Terms - Continued  

rm_kaaia 53F
34 posts
6/15/2005 5:04 am

Last Read:
2/6/2009 10:28 am

Life On Life's Terms - Continued

I lay cuddled between the crisp sheets of my empty bed reflecting on the day. I can still clearly see the brown eyes of my son as they began to wheel him out of the room on the gurney and into the hallway to take him to the OR. As the nurse stopped so that we could speak, his eyes looking up at me, deep into my soul. He was searching my face for a sign, waiting for me to tell him it would be okay. Then I saw the tears roll down the sides of his face and I searched desperately to find the words I needed to say. How do you say all the things you want and need to say to a child that you adore and is so much a part of you and everything that you are in a short walk to an elevator? I had to find the words to tell him it would be okay and try to sound convincing, not only for him, but for myself also. How? When I, myself was so full of fear for him. I had to comfort him. Each time I opened my mouth to speak, I could only sob, nothing audible would go beyond my lips. At that very moment, a soft hand patted me on my forearm as if to say "Don't worry sweetheart, everything will be okay". I turned to see who it was, but there wasn't anyone standing there. I know that touch, it was all too familiar to me. I knew it was my mother who had died only two months before. As usual, she was there with me, by my side to comfort me. She had patted my arm like that so many times before. A calmness came over me as I reached out my hands to wipe the tears from my child's face and I kissed him and told him that I loved him very much. He reached up and took my hand from his face and kissed it telling me that he loved me too and gave me one of the beautiful smiles that I had grown to love. In that moment, he was whisked away toward the elevator that would take him to an unknown destiny.

Tallguy_4444 54M
1 post
6/24/2005 11:56 pm

Hi Kaaia,
I was touched by reading your story about your son - I have two young boys myself, and couldn't imagine what you have been going through. I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual person - and I have made it a point to try to find out the deep answers to lifes many ups and downs - the age old question about why do bad things happen to good people, etc... After I lost my Mom to cancer, got divorced the same year, and lost my job too, I started to really search - that was 5 years ago. Today, I see everything in a different light... So much so, that I decided to become a life coach. I wish I could comfort you with the knowledge that I think I possess - I feel that it's part of my work here on earth. But I don't want to appear presumptuous, or act as if I know it all - but to me and for me, every bad thing that has happened to me makes sense now - still, who am I to talk? I haven't had the gut wrenching experience of having a very sick child. So, I'm going to just offer you my love and support. From one parent to another... I wish I could be there in your moment of need too, like your Mom. I can tell you this - I totally believe that your mom was there for you, and still is all the time. Life is infinite - life is everlasting - we never really do die. I have the proof now - I have the first hand experience for myself. I've read all kinds of books about the afterlife, etc... Anyway, I'm rambling - I would say may God be with you, but actually, I believe that we are all a piece of God. You will never, ever ever be without your son - it's just that there may be a period of time when he is not here in the physical form, or vice-versa. Anyway, please let me know how he is doing... - love - steve.

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