Extra-marital NSA Sex ?  

rm_indul_gent1 56M
20 posts
5/9/2005 7:12 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Extra-marital NSA Sex ?

I've seen it discussed at length in blogdom, the pros and cons of the NSA (no stings attached) encounter versus a 'relationship' and I can see the benefits of both. The idea of sex without emotional attachment, without demands or expectations, without a history or future has a certain undeniable appeal. It exists in and of itself for pure, indulgent gratification and I can see why some might prefer its essential simplicity. But I'm just not wired that way. I've had many experiences where I've been attracted to someone in a purely physical sense (who hasn't?), and there have been a couple of times where I've consummated that attraction, but each of those encounters was ultimately far less satisfying than any relationship that shared physical and emotional/intellectual components. To me, there is something infinitely more appealing about a relationship that transcends the purely sexual and involves an intellectual appreciation and some degree of emotional commitment.
For those of us who are married and looking to fill a void by establishing a 'strings attached relationship' outside our marriages (and all of you who feel compelled to comment on the moral and ethical aspects of this behaviour, please save your comments for another forum. I've heard the arguments and I'm not interested in justifying my actions), it seems to me there is an inherent, perhaps inevitable risk of finding exactly what we're looking for; namely, someone who stimulates you sexually, intellectually and emotionally. I've had some (very limited) experience with this type of thing and it always ends badly and painfully. It seems profoundly difficult to sustain one relationship, let alone two and I've lately thought about whether NSA sex is more apt to fill the void without the inevitable heartache.
My questions are:
Can you be in love with two people at once and make both relationships work?
Can you love someone other than your spouse without comparing faults and attributes?
And, given the complexities, demands and obligations of a marriage, especially when you have children, compared to the relative simplicity of a relationship without family/household burdens, is your spouse at a disadvantage when you make these comparisons?
Does anyone anyone have any suggestions, comments or experiences they want to share?
Does any of this even make sense?

tap011 48

5/9/2005 8:37 am

No lecture just a point of view. Marriage is an odd thing, something not natural to our genetics. It is routed in the need to control population and social fabric and was invented by religion. However, "I do" comes with a price and more than anything it is trust and respect. Can you love someone (your spouse) and betray their trust? Is there a strong bond and trust in your marriage? And, is it love you are really comparing? It's a little bit of a mine field and one that looks radically different from the other side. My ex was screwing around on me and had the same dilema as you. I love her, we spent over 10 years together, however, the trust faded and respect for her was gone (it took her cheating 4 times to finally figure she wasn't worth the fight). I can tell you this, from this side of the mine field, for all I care she can keep wandering in the field. So be careful, if you love the one your with, it could be the one you lose.

tap011 48

5/9/2005 8:42 am

P.S. If your looking for something better then step to the plate and end your marriage with dignity. This I respect. If your looking elsewhere you've already pulled out of the marriage, it's just a function of paperwork and reality

rm_BigDnLady 43M/41F
1140 posts
5/9/2005 8:51 am

I might get crucified for my OPINION here, but away we go!!! I bekieve that you can love 2 people, however, I do not think you can be in love with both of them!! You will find different things that attract you to each one differently!! If you love your wife, yet need more fufillment sexually, or emotionally, then that is the type of relationship you are looking for, and having sex with someone long term is a risk of feelings getting involved!!! The difficulty lies now with the emotional factors discussed, is the balancing act!! If you do not want to leave your wife, are you going to be able to fufill your needs without neglecting hers and your family's?
You have alot to think about, if this is something you plan on keeping secret from your wife! There are some great guys here that are in your situation, sometimes the wife knows that the husband is playing arround because she doesn't have the same appetite for sex as he does for whatever reason, then there are those who are discreetly enjoying a relationship on the side!! Make sure that things in the bedroom can not be improved between you and your wife, before getting into a situation that may turn out to make things more difficult!! I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do, but hope you trully search yourself for the whys, and "what ifs?" before making any decision!! You may not be looking for a replacement for your wife just an assistant, but "life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get."


Lapkin4u 42F

5/9/2005 9:23 am

I have had several extra marital nsa partners and it was just that...we got together and had good sex when we wanted and left when we were finished. I thought this is great, I didnt want anything more neither did they. Then I became a member here and met someone right off the bat. We clicked immediately and both felt this strange connection to one another. We have gotten together a couple times and look forward to each new meeting.....we chat online and on the phone in between our meetings. He is different than the others were.....our conversations are never dry, we never run out of things to talk about and he makes me laugh endlessly. I like him alot and there are definately feelings involved with this one. I cant tell you exactly what it is about him....I'm just drawn to him....the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the things he says. I believe it didnt matter with the others because they didnt have the "it" factor for me. they were just attractive men that were fun to hang with and fuck but not someone I could ever see myself with. This guy is. I cannot stop thinking about him and have pictured in my head what it would be like to be with him....I think I am falling for him but I am cautious as it could just be lust...but I think it is more than that. As far as loving two people at once.....yes I think you can love more than one person at a time but I do not think you can be "in" love with two people at the same time. Does that make sense to anyone?

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
5/11/2005 1:19 pm

i as you have tried the one night stands,fun but empty,so i had a rest and came back to the conclusion that i need an affair something more permanent and meaningful,so i did just that,i found a guy i like and we've been seeing each other for over two months now,on average once every 7 to 10 days, a few stolen hours,i have feeling for him,they will never turn to love but we get along and as we get to know each other things sexually get better and better,so i found i can have my cake and eat it too

I'm a

i'm here to stay

rm_cammyi69 39M
3 posts
6/23/2005 4:12 pm

My veiw on this is also my double edged sword. My gf and I hit a low spot in our relationship and I got together with a girl that I worked with. We had a good few times togehter. Then My girl and I worked out our problems and things got good again. Well I got both the girls together one night and we had a threesome. Not long after that the other girl moved in and the threesomes continued for the two years sher lived with us. But also during that time the roomy and I would get it on wile my gf was gone. I fell for her but loved my gf. I was torn apart in side, with guilt of what I was doing, but also because I had deep feelings for both women. Needless to say I had to make a decision. I ended all sex with the roomy. After that she started telling my gf that she needed to dump me. Well it almost happend. But I came to grips with myself and kicked the roomy out. But she still came around telling me she loved me and wanted more from me. To end that I told my gf about everything. When she came back from her parents we worked things out. I told her if she wanted to even things out she could go out and find her a good time. She said no, but that she wanted to just rub it in every now and then. I can live with that. Personally I would never do that to myself or her again.

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