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The Chronicles of Haggie
For the sake of convenience I must state that this entry is completely lacking in any lurid or sexual content and is nothing more than the asinine rambling of a simple man.
In the last few weeks I have had many observances of human behavior and although lacking any formal education have come to realize one important fact. I don’t fully understand women, but I don’t believe women fully understand themselves either.
There was a time while married that I believe that ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Hell’ but in light of the most recent events I believe otherwise. Men are truly on a different plain of reality than women but whether it is a higher or lower plane I can only guess. I place where men are equivalent to or perhaps one step higher than base animals. Really diary, men are simple instinctive animals that are easily pleased with the pleasures found in food, beverages or a TV show. Certainly we have our hobbies, careers and educations that incite analytical development and logic but the redeeming qualities we find in women are as elementary as the turn of a calf, the swell of a breast and the cascade of shimmering hair. Perhaps we may even notice green eyes or a beauty mark but that varies on the individual, but in all instances we can easily be distracted when an attractive woman passes by. In retrospect we are all cut from the same mold, the curse of Adam if you will.
Women although seem to be somewhat different. No seriously diary, they are different. Don’t get me wrong I have played the role as ‘one of the girls’ and hung out with a womanly cabal on occasion and they can be just as shallow and more cruel in that regard as men. They seem to have a tendency to admire well developed biceps, shoulders but they often don’t dwell on it as much as men. Morally I place women as a whole on a higher plain than men but they suffer more from instinctual nature than men. Women are more governed by hormones and internal wiring that most men cannot comprehend leading in many instances to both being confused in relationships. Once again that brings us back to where are women from? I can now say that they are not from Hell, but possibly the other direction. It is the flighty non-austere nature that causes them to rise above the man.
Now the contradictions I have recently learn about women really confound me and I have decided that the exceptions encountered are from those who have become desperate or removed from the norm due to problems in their lives. The Deuce Bigelow male gigolo movie franchise taught us the sound theory that women are more interested in the length of a man’s sentences than the length of his penis. Although some women enjoy a man who can perform the dirty Sanchez an interesting conversation from a man who exudes confidence and 3 syllable letters can overcome a handsome face. I may be able to attest to this from recent experience because as we know I am no Brad Pitt. In my experiences I had one woman who was content to stand smiling and listen to me ramble on rather than to join in the conversation, while at another occasion the woman resorted to child talk, an obvious sign of insecurity or nervousness.
Another recent discovery is the on-line dating services. Although there are people who sign up for these services to experiment I believe this is the jurisdiction of the desperate and needy. In my experience there are far too many who linger on-line waiting, like an angler fish for new and interesting profiles so they can pounce. Their desire to meet new prey is only eclipsed by their ability to conduct multiple simultaneous conversations on MSN without error. Also the more mature ladies seem to believe that a man needs to know they desire and enjoy sexual congress, and happen to drop occasional sexual innuendos to push the point. This all leads back to the basic knowledge that men always think about sex and the woman libido reaches its zenith in the mid to late 30s so they use sex like cheese in a mouse trap. Of course the simplistic man enjoys his cheese, to a point.
Diary, I have also discovered another fault in man, or more pointedly, this man. I have found that the witty visitations I have bestowed upon women I have encountered, although friendly seem to be contrived as flirty and in some cases an open invitation. Invitation to what you ask diary, an open invitation to sometimes uncomfortable sexual advancements or rude commentaries. Recently I had a woman who I deemed as nice but not attractive or desirable in the least to proclaim her love for me. Now I don’t think I am over reacting as I was reading the dialog on MSN and she simply stated that she missed me. Engaged in friendly banter and trying to derail this train of thought I asked what she threw at me that missed. After a very brief pause she confessed it was her heart. Now it was my turn to pause. How does a person continue in an instance like this? My first instinct was to run, flee and hide but that would have been cowardly and uncharacteristic for me. Eventually I was able to continue this conversation and concluded it shortly thereafter and will avoid connecting to MSN for a few days to recover from the shock. Don’t get me wrong, there is a wonderful feeling that goes with a woman professing her affections but as a shallow and base man I would much rather the woman be a super model. Why can’t Halle Berry fall in love with me? Perhaps if I was able to dole out the charm she would fall for Haggie, yes that is it, someday she will be mine, oh yes she will wwwwuuuuuaaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhhhhha.
3/6/2006 1:32 pm
I think there is a basic flaw in your analysis. Try this mental experiment: Remove sex (as identity, that is, male or female) from the equation. What I think you'll find is that individuals are a lot more alike than different, and that the diversity of personalities between sexes is no greater than the diversity with the sexes.|
Women live in a different world, to be sure, but there are plenty of men that live in equivalent worlds. Moreover, the different world that women live in is a world that has been predominantly created by men. Give women the same opportunities and motivations, and they will behave a lot more like you do.