rm_iczman5 49M
1 posts
5/5/2006 1:09 pm

Last Read:
9/2/2006 6:47 pm


Be gentle with me
A bloke walks into the doctor’s surgery looking very sheepish. The doctor asks him what the problem is and he explains that it’s a rather delicate matter to do with his back passage, which he finds a bit difficult to talk about. The doctor says, ‘Look, I’ve been in this profession for 26 years and there isn’t much I haven’t seen. I understand you’re embarrassed about it, but it would save us both a lot of time if you just told me.’ ‘I think I’d find it a lot easier if I just showed you,’ the man replied. The doctor agrees, so the man drops his trousers and bends over. The sight of the guy’s arsehole renders the doctor speechless; it has been torn to the size of a football and is badly bruised. ‘Jesus Christ!’ said the doctor, ‘What the hell happened to you?’ ‘Well,’ the bloke says, ‘I was on Safari in Kenya and I got by a bull elephant.’ The doctor considers this for a second and says, ‘Well, with my rather limited knowledge of veterinary science, I thought elephants’ penises were very long and very thin.’ ‘That’s right, doctor,’ the guy agrees, ‘but he fingered me first.’

Take matters into your own hands
Plucking up the courage, a young man goes to a massage parlour for the first time. As he's not sure when to ask for the dirty deed, he lies on the leather bed, frustratedly getting more and more aroused. After a few minutes, the masseuse notices his growing erection. ‘Perhaps sir would like a wank?’ she breathes. The man gulps. ‘Yes please,’ he stutters. With that, the lady leaves the room, and returns a full 20 minutes later. ‘Well,’ she says, popping her head round the door. ‘Finished?’

Smells funny
After years of flirting, a man and woman in an old people’s home agree to make love ‒ and one day, when the residents go on a day trip, they both stay behind. Impatient for his first action in decades, the man quickly goes to the woman's room and asks her if there’s anything she prefers. She replies she loves it when men perform cunnilingus on her ‒ and grinning widely, the man goes down. After a few seconds, however, he reappears. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says, ‘but I’m afraid the smell is just too bad.’ ‘Hmmm,’ she replies, thinking for a moment. ‘It must be the arthritis. He looks at her confused. ‘Surely you can’t get arthritis down there,’ he cries, ‘And even if you could, it wouldn't cause that smell.’ ‘No, the arthritis is in my shoulder,’ she bleats. ‘I can't wipe my arse.’

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