I Give Up!!!!  

rm_hotmamaNcols 40F
460 posts
5/17/2006 11:24 pm

Last Read:
5/27/2006 7:05 pm

I Give Up!!!!

Tonight, I will change my profile for the fourth and final time. I'm sure it will seem like a contradiction, my friends and readers will be shocked. It will state that I am no longer looking or in need. That I keep a profile for the sole purpose of blogging and any emails from strangers will not get a response unless the topic of the email is about my blog.

Is it true you ask? Hell yeah. I fucking give up!!
I've reviewed the pros and cons of this whole dating disaster which has been the last four months. And as I reviewed, I also reflected on the last three years. I know I wrote about finding a meaningful relationship but in the search, I've become "unhappy" and I've lost faith. Oh, this isn't a pity party. Let me explain the four conclusions I've discovered about love and relationships when I'm involved.

First, I don't think it's fair to ask anyone to invest when I don't have the patience and time. This includes Jimmy. I love him as a friend and must start acting like it. As it stands, I must always consider my children when planning my life. Do I really need to add one more person to consider into the equation? Sounds a bit selfish doesn't it? Well, I know my threshold and one more person could be too complicated...

Second, the last two men who fell in love with me turned into the biggest fucking babies. I know what I must sound like right now but it's the goddamn truth!!! Logic fails them, they hear what they want and see what they want. I even had a guy TELL ME I loved HIM!! What fucking nerve!!! Where he got THAT idea, I have no clue. Even when corrected, when I told him I didn't, he believed what he wanted. Yes, it's pointless to talk to idiots unless you are a glutton for miserable conversations and migraines...Some have temper tantrums when they don't get their way.. ie. the condom saboteur. In my experience, the men I've dated where too busy with trying to change me before they even knew me. With the unsolicited criticism about my work, sleeping habits, and my circle of friends. I'm not a mannequin that can be dressed in personality traits and characteristics of someone else's choosing. Some thought they knew me like the back of their hand, until they got the boot.

Third, anymore the prerequisite for attaining significant other/wife status is becoming a full time cook, maid, launderer, and sex slave. Not to mention the occasional door mat and sounding board. I have no intention of pulling someone else's weight when it comes to household duties especially when I have a heavier burden with my schedule and probably make more money. I have no desire to take abuse of any kind just because he had a bad day or because someone bruised his ego. And FUCK HIM if he doesn't respect my time with my kids. With all of this written, not many conform to what I need and expect from a man anyway.

Fourth, if I were susceptible to becoming emotionally attached or capable of bonding, I would have by now. Wrong men maybe? I don't know. Believe me, I have tried. I've been in long term relationships. Never were there any longings for HIS time, never became jealous of other women who grabbed their attention, I didn't even miss them when they were gone....So being the emotionally constipated individual I am, why be in search of the non-existent man of my dreams? Why even settle for fuck buddies who will feel like wastes of time later? Why bother?

imLadyBambi 58M/50F

5/17/2006 11:57 pm

Hate to see you go but, I hope you change your mind.

Sometimes it just takes time.

Lady Bambi

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/18/2006 4:57 am:
I don't plan on leaving this site. I give up on actively looking and dating. I might change my mind when I've regained some patience.

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
5/18/2006 12:54 am

Ok, ok. You know I am going to have so much to say about this don't you. There is no way I could possibly see you get so passionate about a subject without me throwing in 2, 3 or maybe 4 cents in. Unfortunately I don't have the time right now, but I will be back at a later stage.

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/18/2006 2:26 pm:
I can't wait to see what you have to say!! LOL!!

jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
5/18/2006 8:16 am

Girl I feel your pain!!! I could never understand the statement people say about their boy/girl friend, "I love him/her but they just wont change." Hmmmmmm isn't that like saying, "I love lasagna but if they took that darn sauce and big noodles out of it then it would be better." hmmmm it would not be lasagna any more then would it. Yes some people need someone to take are of them go to work make a living, do all the house work, ect. womem do it too I am afraid to say. If you are with someone with kids you have to realize it is the whole package kids need soooooooooo much attention and love and deserve it too you have to support that it is called being an adult. That is the same with a person sex should be the ultimate sharing of two people not a one way street, some women use sex to get what they want etc. I have been there and any guy that can not pick up after himself, wash his own cloths,(and help out) feed himself, clean up after himself after cooking, needs to go back home to mom!

Yes change your profile hang out here have some fun and maybe when you least expect it he might just pop up heck it could be someone you know right now and just don't realize it yet. You know there are a few of us guys that are really looking for a partner (side by side 50/50 in everything) and having sex is is not making love but sharing love. So hang in there have fun with your blog and I hope I could have at least made you smile just a little bit with my crazy (as usual) comments see you JD

PS I am still playing with cheesecake on my blog too ooooooooh!

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/18/2006 2:28 pm:
I dOn't understand how women can use sex to get what they want. Is preffering a meaningful relationship before having sex, getting what I want? LOL!!

GSpotFinder2NV 51M

5/18/2006 11:34 am

HotMama....Blah, BLah, BLah! You dont know me and I don't know you. All I hear from you and is a lot of whining. I will give you credit for actually being real. I like the truth and definitely the bluntness. If you need time to figure out what it is you truly want then take it. Put on your "big girl shoes" and take control of your wants, needs and wishes. Most defintely your kids and your life should come first. ALWAYS! Unfortunately these other cry baby guys who fell in love with you and whined like little orphaned kids when you dumped them were not playing on a level field. They were giving it their all, most likely, as you seeked. But in retrospect, you had no fucking idea of what you wanted. Thinking you know and actually feeling you know are completely different. You blogs are very articulate and enjoyable to read. I appreciate your freedom of speech. But don't forget you are on a sex/swingers site and you choose to be here. You had some fun and met some great people I am sure. But you are now changing the rules of your game and realizing you are bored and fed-up with this lifestyle you now take it out on everyone who knows you or follows your blogs. Give it s rest. Be thankful for the fun you had, the people you met and the relationships you endured. After all, you did all this willlingly. Best of luck to you in your new beginning and keep writing your blog. I see how this is good therapy for you and is has to save loads of money on skrinks.

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/18/2006 2:58 pm:
See. That's the same mentality that made me lose respect for the guys I wrote about. My feelings are considered whining, but their feelings are unequivocal truth and valid.....

Since you seem to have the answers, and I have on my big girl shoes, and since I have to TAKE what I want.... TELL ME, How can I MAKE someone fit into my real life and not just my sex life? How do I MAKE someone worthy enough to be around my children? How is this attainable without making them resentful and bitter? Isn't this also playing MIND GAMES when I have to manipulate a person into fitting into my life? I've offended no one here with my whining except YOU apparently. Not one fuck buddy was met here. Not one person was ever misled. I always knew what I wanted, my only fault was that I settled for sex. Gratifying at the moment yes, but completely unfulfilling emotionally. I cannot help that I didn't reciprocate their "feelings". Do I force or fake that too? How do I make THAT real?

And since I'm "abusing" my readers, I'm assuming you meant you. If that's how you feel, stop visiting. This is my space to vent. No one forced you or anyone else to be here either.

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
5/18/2006 2:32 pm

Emotionally constipated. Nice term but I’m sorry to say this (actually I’m lying thru the fingers that I am typing with, I am not sorry to say this) despite what you say and the picture that you paint I don’t recognize this in you at all.
I’ll explain why as I take it step by step of all the points that you raised. Putting your children first sounds selfish? You and I don’t make a habit of disagreeing with one another but this is one time I could slap you inside the head. You know fine as a mother of 3 that you have to put your children first, no matter what, even before yourself. You don’t have a choice any parent worthy of the name does this. Being a parent is unfortunately by its very nature a selfless act, a decent parent always thinks about their children first, self second. It’s just the way it is. So no you aren’t being selfish. Whenever you add another person into the mix you must always consider the effect it will have on your relationship with your children. However in saying that the right person could be an asset to you and your children they don’t always necessarily have to be an added complication.
Now for the next point, having fun yet? LOL Apparently you really suck at picking men, yeah you really do, oh stop getting your knickers in a twist I can say this kind of thing you like me anyway lol. Your choice in men may suck but you aren’t the only woman with this problem. At least so I’ve heard. I can’t blame the guys for seeing something in you that they find appealing and then proceeding to fall in love with you. I blame you for letting the wrong type of man into your life. If you don’t like the men to be babies that get easily attached to you don’t associate yourself with that type. Once is a mistake, twice is just careless. I’m really sympathetic to your plight I know lol. Anyway my point, I think I’ve read you long enough to draw some vague conclusions about your ideal man. You don’t need the sensitive type of man that is going to be considering your feelings all the time and who needs to be a part of your life every minute of the day. For some reason those are the type of men you seem to invite into your life. What I do think you need is a strong independent man that is not sensitive but empathetic (there is a difference). Someone that will listen who doesn’t just assume he knows you. Whether this is true or not one thing is clear, if the man does not respect that your kids will always come first then they will always be the wrong man for you, and that will be the case with any mother. Any real man would recognize this before even getting involved in a relationship with a woman that has kids and if the man is honest enough to know he couldn’t handle this he would walk away before anything was started.
Not many men will conform to this but some will. We are led to believe that there is someone out there that is perfect for us. That’s a crock of (pardon my French) shit. No one is perfect, compromises have to be made in everything we do especially in relationships however there are certain things that cannot be compromised, you have to decide for yourself what they are, however someone will come along and that will match up. Will he be perfect, no, will he be good for you and the kids, yes. Will you find him here, probably not. So yeah change your profile by all means, put every guy off from contacting you, don’t actively search for anyone but don’t close your mind off to the possibility that he might just walk into your life someday.

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/18/2006 3:27 pm:
As always, I appreciate slaps upside my head from friends!! LOL!! You are right, I need empathetic, not sensitive. I need someone who has a life and doesn't expect to spend every waking moment with me. I certainly don't mean to invite the overly sensitive drama kings into my life. As a matter of fact, I don't know that side of them until later on. I'm not looking for perfection and it would be silly of me to think I would find "perfect". But I would really like to meet someone who is emotionally compatible, capable and willing to fit. As for this site, I know he will probably not be here. But at least I've made a few friends. As you can probably see, I'm already getting some backlash!! LOL!!

rm_treyels2 40M

5/18/2006 3:35 pm

whats up hot mama-

i think you should start a blog where you can hook up with advertising. i have friend who started a blog about a year ago on this website: http://AdultFriendFinder.com , and he now makes about a thousand a quarter from google ads (rough approx based on him, but whatever). anyway, you write some good blogs (actually worth reading). you should stay just for "good" material and post your blog here and somewhere else that you can capitalize on your experiences. people always say: "i should be getting paid for this", lol. well try it. just a suggestion, but i like to think there's a way to capitalize on anything....and it seems that you have a gift for ranting and whether people like it or agree or NOT, it is still articulate/descriptive enough to get people to read it. And if you start a blog and stick around....maybe in the mean time, just maybe things will get better (doubt it, ha!), but if it does then the "finding of true love" (lol) will be worth hearing about also.

if nothing else.....good luck in life!


jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
5/18/2006 5:54 pm

Hmmmm you miss understood me I am not talking about YOU using sex to have a meaningfully relation ship no not at all. I am talking about other women I know that use sex to get things they want and how that is as wrong as when a guy just want the have a relationship (well a disguised relation ship) to get what they want is wrong too. I guess I am trying to say I feel your pain and I know what it is like to be uesd that is all.

See you are right you should not use sex in a meaningful relationship for any other motive then to make the relationship better, stronger and add and enhance more love. I am sorry I guess I should have read what I wrote better this morning I hope you can forgive me. JD

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/19/2006 7:17 am:
I understood what you were saying, and I took no offense to it at all. I enjoy and welcome your comments, always. Cheesecake? "L"

cmdws1 42M
1 post
5/18/2006 6:02 pm

Girl I know where you're coming from. Finding that person just right for you is such a pain in the ass. My last girlfriend was so jealous of my kids getting my attention, it drove her nuts. Ilove my kids and love to spend time with them when I can.


rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/19/2006 7:28 am:
You said "when you can", I suppose that means you are either busy with work or visitation has been established. I'm glad you make them a priority when you have time off. That is exactly what separates fathers from "daddies". As for your ex-girlfriend, I hope she didn't have too bad a landing on her ass, as you kicked her to the curb. I bet she'll rethink her position about being so self absorbed the next time.

janissary74 42M

5/18/2006 7:14 pm

Right on, sister. No kids yet but I know the responsibility is great. And it makes you grow up...when the rest of us just, well, don't. Great blog!

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/19/2006 7:31 am:
After all of your traveling and interviews, let me buy you a beer. A sort of pre-celebration.. Re: your email. Good luck!!!

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
5/19/2006 2:16 am

And I always appreciate giving a good old mental slap to someone who can take it. LOL
Its just as well we weren't sitting across from one another drinking a beer because I could have been there all night especially when you factor in what I was going to write in the morning was not what I wrote at night lol

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/19/2006 7:35 am:
I'm sure we would have been arguing heavily especially when alcohol is involved. Then of course, after getting nowhere in making you see my views, I would have given up, and seduced you instead!! LOL!!

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
5/19/2006 8:49 am

LOL Stubbornness does have its advantages.

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/20/2006 11:44 pm:
I'm now giving you the evil eye.... does your mother do that too? I learned it from mine.

jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
5/19/2006 10:07 am

Yes I would love to share some cheesecake with you. Stop on by and check out the story it is getting better each day see you JD

GSpotFinder2NV 51M

5/20/2006 9:30 pm

LOL....Damn your easy to get all stirred up. LOL

I knew it would work....i am not offended at all by your blogs. I see them as entertainment value for me.

And you walked right into my fun. thanks you are awesome. LMAO!!!!!

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/20/2006 11:46 pm:
I'm giving you the evil eye, too.....Conspiracy I tell you! You all have it out for me!!! LOL!!!

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
5/21/2006 2:55 am

LOl Not only dos she give me it, all too frequently, but she passed it on to me. Ah the things we inherit!
I have a sneaking suspicion mine is more powerful than yours, after all if yours was that evil the fuckchop in the bar would have taken the hint before the arrival of Jimmy

rm_hotmamaNcols replies on 5/21/2006 3:21 pm:
That doesn't count!! That man was clearly delusional and half deaf!!!

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
5/22/2006 1:03 am

Oye I should use spellcheck, or even better actually check my posts.
You know my evil eye is more powerful than yours, you just don't want to admit it. It's ok your secret is safe with me.

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