|Blogs > rm_gwalker_oh > A thousand shards of light|
More amatuer sociology
More amatuer sociology
Still mulling over this matter of The Differences in the Experiences of Men and Women in AdultFriendFinder or, for that matter in other forums like chat.
Yes, there are far more men here than women. *Maybe*, even worse, a lot of the "women" are fake. So, yeah, a "normal" man may spend a lot of time and energy trying to establish connections with "normal", interesting women, and get very limited results. And, yeah, if a woman (fake or not) expresses even slightest desire to maybe meet men, she gets flooded with attention.
At least, that's what I observed through my short-lived fake woman. Like I said, "she" got a huge amount of attention in a very short period of time, and I quite believe that some or even most of these responses were sincere and (I don't see why not) would be of interest to a real woman.
Several years ago I did the same thing in Yeah-Who chat: I created a "fake" woman, just to catch a glimpse of what life was like through "her" eyes.
Was more or less flooded with private messages. Some well-balanced, reasonable and polite, some arrogant and pushy, some desperate. Of course men have to learn persistence and patience in these matters, but of course there's a balance (somewhere) between persistance and pushiness --- there's something to be said for knowing when to quit!
Between this experience and also the experience of having been hit on by gays, I got a bit of insight (I'm sure just a small fraction of the whole picture!) of what it's like to get unwanted sexual attention from men! OK ladies, I admit it -- there *is* something to all of that.
So, yes, while it's true that women have a huge "numerical advantage" in these forums, they also pay a price, I think. There really is something, well, gross! about getting way-too-much attention from the wrong kind of person. Compound that with having your computer screen or email box being flooded with such material, and you get a picture.
Beyond that, beyond what I "infer from the data" of my little fake-gender experiments, I also get the following. I get that, as seen by women, we men are maddeningly single-minded! YES, we think about sex ALL the time!
We also have short attention spans --- whereas (as I gather) women typically want to develop at least a little bit of a more holistic relationship, even if in the context of going after sex. I mean, it's like "relationship foreplay"! This is fine and good; it's a reflection of the fact that women are more complex, generally capable of and desiring more depth, I think. Frankly, for us men, this is at some level a tedium. I mean, of *course* we want various sorts of relationships and friendships -- of course. And of course we desire depth and all, in our own ways (I know *I* do, anyway). But as enlightend, post-70's-ish as we may be, we secretly, vaguely have this view that such matters are "overhead", capital which must be developed and invested before it's spent. Deep down, what we really want is the sex!
On the other hand, I think that for many women, what they really want is the connection, the relationship, even if only very casual, even "no-strings". I think that for many women, the sex is the "overhead"! Sure it's nice, but at the deepest level, it's part of something broader that they want. A very pleasing (hopefully), important, integral part of it, to be sure, but ultimately just a part of it. A means to a broader end.
Of course these are gross stereotypes --- don't tell me how many exceptions there are and other sorts of people, and how (yes) of *course* men really do want relationships and women really *do* want sex! I know all this. I'm just trying identify some deep level, gender based tendencies. Gereralizations *are* useful.
They're usefil to me, anyhow. For me, such observations are key in trying to come to grips with some of the frustrations which men face, and which, as I understand things, other frustrations which women face.
Sheesh none of this is new at all is it?!? Mars and Venus and all that rot.
Cheers to all; when in doubt, go for it!!