just a little processing...  

rm_gscotth 51M
0 posts
1/5/2006 9:56 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

just a little processing...

ever since my ex-fiancé ousted me about 7 months ago I've been dealing off and on with bouts of depression i lean this way naturally even though I work very diligently to stave off the depressed moods, and try to avoid "caving" too much. I mean fundamentally I'm a pretty easy-going live and let live kind of guy, but there have been periods of time that I really just don't give a sh*t anymore.

when she asked me to leave (under the pretense of her needing to get herself back together, and just couldn't do it with me living with her) I basically picked up and moved out as soon as I could. took the first place that would take me. a crappy little all-bills-paid hole-in-the-wall apartment in another city. i had no intention of living here as long as I have. I thought surely within a few months I'd have myself back together enough to move into a larger nicer place, that allows pets (i miss having cats) but it seems to have been a struggle at times to just make ends meet here.

you see when my ex ousted me I wasn't working at a regular full-time w/benies type job, but the money I was making was cash and not bad all in all. regardless, since then I have secured a regular full time job with benies (once i get to enroll for them in Feb).

i guess the thing that bothers me most about this place is that it's sooo small. just one room for bed, dresser, desk, night stand, coffee table, a small kitchenette and shower only/bathroom. when you walk into my little place, you *really* "walk into the entire place." i know it's just a stop gap on my way to finding a place I really want to make *my* own and home. but it's a pretty embarrassing place to bring a date home to. I know I know. it's not about "where you live, but who you're with," but we all know this is blow. people will gage/rank their opinion (at least partially) of you by how they see you live. now don't get me wrong, when my mood is running well, I keep my place pretty well, although it's pretty plain right now (since I never planned to stay here as long as I have). I guess i could "dress it up a little" while I save, and continue to pay off some dept, and look for the place I really want to make home.

I guess what I'm trying to work out in my own head is that this place is truly "temporary," and something better is just down the road. okay enough whining for tonight.

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