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Tonsilitis & Hip Hop Shops
Tonsilitis & Hip Hop Shops
Kashiwazaki exists for two clear reasons; First, to act as a place of abduction for North Korean agents, and secondly, as a place for people to go to to die in. The average age seemed to be somewhere in the 60s. The Ito Yokado on the main street smelled like a nursing home ‒ honestly! The population of the entire district is about 80 000, but for some reason, there are 2 hip hop shops?!? Perhaps the Taxation Department should investigate. I lived there for 8 months, without getting abducted, or dying (too young).
I woke up one Monday, & my throat was killing me. I turned on the bathroom light & opened my mouth wide. No wonder. In my sleep I'd somehow managed to cough up my testicles. Funny? My nether regions didn't hurt. Then I realised that my tonsils were just swollen to the size of love spuds. Since I couldn't remember having swallowed anyone else's hairy olives, tonsilitis seemed the likely culprit.
Two days later, I had the shits with the situation, so I headed to the doctor. "Come back at two," they told me, "you diseased monkey. You probably have some sort of venereal disease which you brought from your country, since we don't have such things in Japan," was how I think the receptionist concluded. However, she may have said, "Sorry for the inconvenience." My Japanese still wasn’t so great.
Okay, I return at two, get admitted, find out I've grown a centimetre since the year before, & have put on a kilo in extra clothing. I then had to stick a thermometer under my armpit, & tried, unsuccessfully, to explain to the nurse that to make a flatulence sound, you need to use your hand, not a thermometer, & preferably an armpit free of pubic hair. She misunderstood, but shaved me anyway. I felt quite racy & a little confident, so I then told the nurse that in order to make a real flatulence sound, you need an arse, preferably free of pubic hair. She slapped me, but not right away. More like after contemplating first.
Then it was off to the doctor. Finally.
There's only a curtain separating the diagnosis of genital warts from the rest of the waiting patients in Kashiwazaki. Due to this, I suppose the worst case the doctors got down there was probably a stubbed toe. The doctor asked me for my symptoms, so I gave him a prewritten message explaining that my tonsils were badly swollen & that I needed antibiotics. After careful examination, he told me that my tonsils were badly swollen & that I needed antibiotics, thereby allaying any fears I may have had about the Japanese medical profession.
The pharmaceutical profession, however, is a completely different story. More soon on that.
As he was scrawling notes in the file, I noticed that he was wearing a Calvin Klein watch, & thought, “Why bother?” In a town of 80 000, with ordinary nursing staff, & an average age of 68, who was gonna notice his piece of wrist pizazz? This was obviously a guy who aspired to being transferred to a town of 100 000.
Now he's writing the prescription - 1, 2, 3 - thinking I might have three options. Nope. Scammed again. The first was the antibiotic, but since it may cause blood discharge from the colon, I needed to take the second. Turned out that the third was for the inflammation.
Now, back in Australia, if a drug caused bleeding from the butterfly print it probably wouldn't be approved. But this is Japan. They'd better contain essence of unicorn horn, ‘cos I smell a f**king scam.
Couldn't just role all three into one?
As I left, he assured me in Japanese that my stinking, festering nether-regional problem should be gone in no time.
Thank god for that curtain.
Feeling much more average already.
If you ever suffer from a bout of 'scrotum throat', & you're in Japan, hope that your colon is hardy.
It's not my fault if you read this. Take it easy wherever you are....
8/19/2005 9:37 pm
got testicles in throat..great, girls get pregnant from kissing with you.|
LOL, you noticed the wrist pizza, see? at least one of 80000 did hahaha.
I usually take inflammation... means I'm not going to see doctor hehe.