Pettiecoats and Pectorals - pt:5 - starting to turn ?  

rm_girl_or_boy 41M
35 posts
7/11/2006 12:51 pm
Pettiecoats and Pectorals - pt:5 - starting to turn ?

Now this is when things really started to go a bit strange !

When I had come back form college and found out that i was still very much a crossdresser I thought that would be it. I was happy in the knowledge that I liked dressing up and now could feel kinda at ease with the whole thing.

I had moved out of home and had a job, so was enjoying the freedom and secrecy that living on your own brings. Moswt men of my age then would of thought this ment late night parties and girls, girls, girls. It did, but that was round there houses, mine was much more of a crash out pad and somewhere to dress up and endulge in my secret fantacies. I was statring to blossom even more now and really enjoyed the times when I could be by myself and my ever increasing collection of lingerie.

I was happy, well........was I ?

I did have serious spells of self doubt. I did cry late at night many times thinking what am I doing ? There would be times when I would throw everything female I owned away, times when I would vow NEVER to do it again and times (really dark times) when I would really want to hurt myself. But, and I can say this with pride now, I was stronger than that. Many crossdressers blogs I have read have said excatly the same. The shame and feeling of intense guilt is quite uncomparable. That is why I now fell so much stronger about dressing up and why I do it, I wouldn't do it just for the hell of it, if I had to go through all this to do it. This period (and many after) could be very frustrating. Firstly it would cost me shit loads of money buying all the womens clothes all over again and secondly the hassle of trying to shop for a size that fits you. Now I really enjoy shopping for my own womens clothes and get a really kick out of it, but then it was all part of the hell that I was putting myself through.

Pettiecoats were again my favourite, but I started to get a nice collection of lacy thongs, suspenders and really long flowing skirts and dresses. Again, as I said before, I was happy in myself and toucj=hing myself, exploring my self and...well wanking basically ! I would love to slowly ease my skirt up, gently stroking my thighs and working my other hand up my top and onto my nipples. I would start to part my legs and slip my hand under my knickers, touching myself between the legs and working up to my penis. My hands would explore my body and my mind would wonder to dream of many different fantacies, all where I was the woman that, in these moments, I so craved to be. My fantacies would take me back to my childhood and to the only times I had been touched by other men. The man that molested me in thye local park, when I was too young and too sexually excited to fight back. The man that liked looking at my fit, athletic body, still sweating after training and who then played with me in the train station toilets. These memories flooding back kept me thinking ofr one thing, would I go with a man again ? Lets not forget I was straight, enjoyed girls and enjoyed sleeping with girls. But MEN, now that was different, it was a taboo and therefore exciting. It was me being led submissively , that was even more exciting. And, it was me being touched and seen as an object of desire by men, that was.....mmmm I would come everytime by just thinking about it.

These feelings would just not go away, in fact they got stronger and stronger as I got older. This was, until one day I decided to do something about it.

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