The Man Code  

rm_gerson42 52M
1752 posts
8/4/2006 9:36 pm
The Man Code


This is it. So it has been written, so it shall be.... The CODE

Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSH1T (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with her, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. * You didn't see nothin'.

The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and a topless supermodel delivers it...and it's free.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

Ger (Live From Atlanta)

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
8/4/2006 10:27 pm

Ger...I can feel the testosterone flowing from Atlanta to Seattle,lol.

I love this...finally, an insight into the mind of a man.
Please tell me you wrote this BEFORE tonight, and not while participating in the festivities of the evening.

*Ger, always thinking about where he is on the list*

Have fun.


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
8/4/2006 10:45 pm

LT...live from the Couch in Canada...good post, and the rules are right on...

In answer to your previous inquiries, I'll turn around when you do...


sexymamma662003 31F

8/5/2006 2:12 am

im sorry but i have something to tell you [post whos my babies daddy??? you may be my babies daddy]

~sexy~


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
8/5/2006 2:26 am

Damn. Twenty-four hours with {blog Seriously_Real] and you're already writing 1,000 posts.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


keithcancook 60M
17846 posts
8/5/2006 5:39 am

I don't like the last one. I will sing whenever I want to. Let the other guy stop if he's worried.


angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
8/5/2006 6:27 am

Are you in Atlanta?????? I should be there too....but maybe next time. Anyways...this code explains so much! I feel truly enlightened!


wickedeasy 67F  
26819 posts
8/5/2006 6:50 am

okay so what's with the gay thing?

is this an obsession or what?

and i think waiting for a woman is unacceptable - i am always on time and expect the same as common courtesy - just tell her you're coming at 7 when you know you're coming at 7:30 - think man, think

ps - tres amusante

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


earthShiva 59M

8/5/2006 7:40 am

Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

Bullshit! You can share one of those really big golf umbrellas, but you each have to stand far enough away from the center that you get wet anyway.

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

Exception rules:
1. She is more than four years older than your friend.
2. The guy thinks her last three boyfriends were gay.
3. She has already slept with at least three other guys your friend knows
4. She has one of those tongue studs that's supposed to be so fantastic for oral sex.

Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

Exception rules: If only light beers are present, you may complain all you want! This also applies if there is a mixed bag, and the regular beer runs out.
You may complain if you brought better beer, and everyone drank it leaving you with only his swill.

Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

Caveats:
1. You are required to exit the relationship before becoming emotionally involved. After exiting, you have to assert that she was a great fuck, but "had some problems".
2. You will deny ever hearing anything about your friend from his ex, even though you will have heard every last detail of his mediocre sexual performance.
3. Once she has slept with at least three guys in your circle, this rule no longer applies.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
Exemption: Women in tight T-shirts who have already demonstrated an appetite for touch football or other light contact sports.

A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
Exemption Rule:
1. A man may have a cat if inherited from a prior relationship, as long as the cat is mean to everyone but him and has at least two obvious fighting injuries.
2. A man may say he likes cats if he thinks it might help him get laid.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
Exception rules:
1. This rule does not apply to any sport broadcast for which there is no professional league in the US or any sport broadcast with a foreign-language announcer and no American team in the game.
2. Women's sports are exempt from this rule, but must be phrased in the terms "What the fuck is this?" or similarly.

It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and a topless supermodel delivers it...and it's free.

Exception rule: Fruity drinks are permissible if part of a seduction strategy, but
a) Seductor's intentions must have been disclosed to at least one friend in advance.
b) The target of the seduction must be under 26 years old. Anyone over 25 is totally wise to this ploy and could be seduced by Other means. Accordingly, this strategy would only be a cheap excuse to drink fruity chick drinks.
c) If no seduction takes place, the loser must have consumed enough alcohol for a debilitating head and stomach hangover, and must freely admit that he was outmanouvered by a sweet young thing.

If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
Exception rule: Bohemian Rhapsody, as long as nobody is singing any harmony part.


caressmewell 53F

8/5/2006 8:30 am

How does the code apply to cleaning another man's house?


Lovin_U_4_Fun 54F

8/5/2006 8:52 am

Hey! To all you peeps having fun in Hotlanta. No need to rub into our collective face! Didn't your mother teach you any manners? If you don't have enough gum to share with everybody, keep it to yuorself and... don't talk about parties in front of others you haven't invited to attend!

Jeez, louise! I guess you were too busy learning all of the man rules, which are hilarous!


MOfunNOWWOW 55F

8/5/2006 9:11 am

    Quoting caressmewell:
    How does the code apply to cleaning another man's house?
Yeah and Seriously blogged about too nahhhhhhh

loves ya ger and wishes I was there with all that testosterone {=}


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


rm_MtnHikr 52M
159 posts
8/5/2006 11:21 am

Ger,

Welcome to Atlanta. I wish I were not pinned down here at the house. I could buy you a couple of beers.

Re: The Laws

Yes, this is the previously unwritten code of behaviour in which guy behaviour is governed.

I hope you have fun here. Thankfully, it has cooled off a litte bit.

MtnHikr


cookiequeen1000 53F

8/5/2006 12:31 pm

Always nice to know the rules of the game. Thanks for sharing.

Glad to hear you all are having so much fun in Atlanta.


herotherside 41F
463 posts
8/5/2006 2:30 pm

Pure genius. I love it!

Now, I can pick a buffalo wing clean, but I will admit - I won't know what inning the game is in until someone throws the ball in the hoop, scoring a touchdown, and the scoreboard is finally displayed. But other than not knowing the score, I can demonstrate knowledge of the game!


Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
8/5/2006 3:24 pm

That part about singing in the car gets me everytime, and howcome the buddy singing with you never feels wierd about it? and then there is always that one guy who wants to harmonize with you.


NakedLnch 48M

8/5/2006 8:46 pm

Okay, this is just fucking hilarious! 100% right on the money.

I would like to make one addition, if I may:

Subsection 3, paren b: "You can never bang your buddy's girlfriend. Punishment: shot at 20 paces. Point of clarification: You may be able to bang your buddy's ATTEMPTED girlfriend if you know she's not having it with his ass. But if he's a good buddy, I say you check it with him first. If he's kind of a prick, fuck her, sport!

Great code!

Thanks.

-NL


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
8/5/2006 11:52 pm

correction...

The only acceptable forms of speech in a restroom are...

Guy one: The water sure is cold

Guy two: and deep

OR

This sure is a popular place. It must be where all the pricks hang out


SingleWarrior 52M

8/6/2006 1:15 am

Right on with the rules


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
8/7/2006 9:56 am

Dammit, I typoed. Meant to write "Twenty-four hours with Real and you're already writing 1,000 word posts. Hate when I step on my own punchline.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_mangomami2 41F
364 posts
8/7/2006 9:18 pm

OMG too damn funny !!


curiousinlorain7 59F

8/9/2006 11:04 am

My first time 'here' and....


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