Life Happens  

rm_gerson42 52M
1752 posts
6/29/2006 3:12 pm

Last Read:
7/4/2006 12:39 am

Life Happens

Ok, just got done reading Trav's, travelingintexas blog travelingintexas about his last year on A.F.F. and his travails during that time. So, guess I will match him, not the story or the quality of writing, but the share.

Previously, early on in my A.F.F. days, I posted about my previous life in the post Filling in the gaps..

Won't repeat those details here, just extend.

I came up missing for a week or so recently as a result of being devastated by the end of a relationship that started when I was 22 and ended last year. End result was 5 children, life in a gorgeous town, a successful business which allowed flexibility to participate in family life which was everything to me.

I never missed one of my children's events no matter the time. We all laid on one bed on weekend mornings and talked and cuddled. All of us... toddlers to teenagers... to parents. That is the way we operated. I often made dinner for 10 kids, the patio table was built for 12

That all ended about a year and a half ago. Life turned around as I knew it.

So... got used to it, learned to adapt and adjust and live in my new different world.

Then, a few weeks ago, my family informed me that they just purchased a house in Texas and would be moving. Fuck. First my life of 20 years as I knew it changed, and now the participants in that life are leaving... thus, my absence from this site for the short term.

The pain is not gone. I hurt. Typically when I have hurt, I isolate... that has been the pattern. Don't have to talk about... don't have to think about it.

My guess is I'm about done with that. As Dr. Phil sometimes says "how is that working for you?". Well, really it isn't. Short term solution to a larger problem.

So, here I am, baring my soul and my feelings. Trying to lessen the devastation.

Life goes on. Shit happens. We adjust. We heal.

gerson42 - but My friends can call me ger

southrnpeach333 50F

6/29/2006 3:16 pm

i can't even imagine being that far from my children. i know you must be in pain. at least love knows no distance. i feel for you on this one.

rm_gerson42 replies on 6/30/2006 1:47 am:
Where they go, I will follow.

absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
6/29/2006 3:21 pm

(((Ger))) I'm sorry that your kids are so far away. Mine are hours away, but they're grown. Makes me wanna thwack your ex! Anytime you need to talk, you got my YM. Mac

rm_gerson42 replies on 6/30/2006 1:49 am:
I could have said no. Ill be there with them. Santa Barbara sucks for $. Dont want to have to earn 200k to make life work. Hopefully things will work out.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
6/29/2006 4:43 pm

Wow ger, I never expected this as a of course I don't know the details, but I think, how could anyone living in one of the most beautiful places in the country move to....Texas? No offense to Texans, I love them, but you know....
Anyway, my heart goes out to you. You are obviously a caring and devoted father. Your children know that. They must know you are devastated by this.
On a lighter note, see I thought you were gone all this time watching the World Cup and getting served with blowjobs on demand....
I gotta say you deserve that after this news.
Thanks for sharing with us something that personal.
Thoughts are with you.

rm_gerson42 replies on 6/30/2006 1:53 am:
Cost of living here is extreme. We purchased the new house with proceeds from the old house. We were all going to move together a year and a half ago to another place, buy a house, buy a rental house... but the money was spent and I'm not in the picture. Im so upset, I even turned down the blowjob this morning.... life goes on. Thank you , appreciation for your comments.

NSAAddict 42F

6/29/2006 5:46 pm

Ger, I'm glad that you're trying something new to deal with the pain, I hope our words comfort and support you in the way that you need. I am very close with my family and can only imagine the feelings you are going through being separated from them. Sending you hugs to help get you through the bad times NSA

rm_gerson42 replies on 6/30/2006 1:55 am:
The posting is towards the end of this cycle. Comfort and support originally did not work...... time heals all wounds... and proper processing. This is great processing.... thank you.

frangipanigal 45F
10406 posts
6/29/2006 6:50 pm

Having your kids move that far away is more than "Shit happens"...

You will adapt but it will be hard. Lucky you have so many people that care about you.

Now go and smell that Jasmine for me OK?

Frangi x

rm_gerson42 replies on 6/30/2006 1:57 am:
I will follow, cannot be away from them.... doesn't work for me.
Nice boots.

GossipJunkie 40F

6/29/2006 6:52 pm

Big hugs for you to help. I have a shoulder, too, if you need one...I might have a spare hanky around here should you need that also.


"Dance like nobody's watching"

rm_gerson42 replies on 6/30/2006 1:57 am:
I just let the tears run, but thankyou.

Lovin_U_4_Fun 54F

6/29/2006 7:19 pm

I figure blogville is simply full of mid-lifers who finally realize that expressing yourself is half of the battle. At some point, when I was dealing with my own hurt, I thought... what is the opposite of depression? Let's try that. It occurred to me that expression was the answer to that question.

I've gained many new friends in the past two years and friendships I have had for 30+ years have become even more intimate. Life is much, much better now that I am honest about what I need, what I expect, what I can give, what I dream, whatI feel, etc.

I am very sorry for your loss. This is a huge upset. And, I am glad that you are expressing it

rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 1:05 pm:
You are right on. Thank you for your words.

lovemetouchme5 51F
2102 posts
6/29/2006 7:41 pm

I don't have any children, but I can understand your pain. Take the time you need to heal, if possible. We here at Blogland will be there for you.

rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 1:06 pm:
I appreciate your words.

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
6/29/2006 8:14 pm heart would be broken if this happened to me...and I know yours is also. I know you will adapt and go on....but it will be different without the ones you love the most. You need to make arrangements for your share of time with these precious deserve that and so do they! And anytime you need to talk....or a tissue to blow your nose on....I'm here.

rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 1:06 pm:
Thank you, that is what I take solace on.

ProtonicMan 48M

6/29/2006 8:27 pm

I'm so sorry for you, Ger.

I don't understand how anyone could do that. I have no burning desire to be near my ex-wife, but there's NOTHING that's gonna make me leave my little girl. I can't imagine what it would be like to have all your kids ripped away from you.

Just know that this is not the END of the story. It goes on, and it will get better. You just don't know what the next chapters hold yet. Love yourself, live your life, fill your fountain pen, and write your future.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 1:08 pm:
It's more complicated than that due to money. We live in Santa Barbara and I am not willing to keep earning the kind of money I was. We purchased the house with our money. It's paid for. A little money in the bank. We'll see how it works out but I have hope.

mycin62 54F

6/29/2006 8:52 pm

Ger, I'm so sorry to hear this awful news! I know how I'd feel if that happened to me.

I know this may sound stupid, it's just food for thought, you might consider moving somewhere close to them, if that's a viable option.

Anyway, my thoughts are with you.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 1:09 pm:
Moving close to them is most definately on my mind. My business is easily transportable.

OboesHonedIambs 62F

6/29/2006 11:14 pm

Oh man, that's a harsh kick in the pants especially when you're just climbing out of a depression and getting your bearings again.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 2:57 pm:
Harsh it is. Just gonna deal with it and do the best I can.

florallei 99F

6/29/2006 11:29 pm sorries will make you feel marriage ended after 20 years as well...don't bury the will come out uglier later... talk about it...I didn' isn't wise...your children love you whether you are near or far...thank God for the telephone and emails...get angry...get sad...get support...God bless....stay strong...

rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 2:58 pm:
Thank you Florallei, your words mean a lot to me.

HBowt2 59F

6/30/2006 4:10 am

talking is a part of healing keep it bottled and it will explode...your not alone on here...only if you make it that way for you...

wickedeasy 67F  
26818 posts
6/30/2006 6:55 am

do you ever feel like your guardian angel went out for a smoke?

damn - this sucks

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

southrnpeach333 50F

6/30/2006 10:36 am

Where they go, I will follow.

wise man, and why am i not suprised that was your response.

sexyariesgirl 57F

6/30/2006 5:37 pm

Ger...I'm so sorry sweetie. Best of luck with the move...I totally understand your moving to be bear your children. Mine is in college and just a little over an hour away but DAMN I miss him! HUGGS.....

Power To FOK

ButteryDelight 58F

6/30/2006 11:25 pm

I hope for better days ahead for your gerson. Thanks for telling us what was going on. It's never easy to bare your soul to others.
I have a quote to share form my grandmother. It is "Life is too and forget"

And speaking as a Texan...It's damn hot here Y'all but that's part of the charm

Buttery Delight

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
7/2/2006 7:37 am

Oh Gerson, I'm sooo sorry, that sucks!

Big hugs to you, we're here when you want to talk. You take whatever time you need. Just take care of yourself.
Luv ya,


PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
7/2/2006 9:12 am

You know sometimes time doesn't heal, it only festers. My first wife of 20 years died. There were and are hard feelings from some of her family. Lucky for me the good-looking one in the picture came along, my soul-mate. I have been writing in journals for a while now. You know sometimes you think you bury your pain and issues but you haven't, they just come back later. I have had to deal with the baggage that you aren't supposed to have when there is no divorce. I thought at one point I was going to lose my soul-mate and new child. I final got some help and am dealing with issues, the thought of losing them was so painful, I can't begin to feel your pain. Understand it though. And I see that you have decided to move. You are going where they are going, instead of playing the legal trump card about limited moving distances. You are a good man. Like you I often withdraw, don't talk, don't think, pretend if I don't get out of bed its not really happening. I am glad you are coming out of that shell. Only the best to you friend. Maybe I will have the good fortune of meeting you in person one day. Shake your hand, give you hug and buy you dinner and we can talk.
Take care of yourself.



rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 1:03 pm:
Appreciate your words Steve, I'm sure we will meet and before not too long.

nottycara 36F

7/3/2006 9:30 am

Life sucks Yes. Shit happens..It got me speechless when i read what happened. Stay strong and brave on, please. Things will get better. It wont break you, it will just make you stronger .

rm_gerson42 replies on 7/3/2006 1:04 pm:
That's partly why it's been hard. I used to just ignore or bury this sort of thing. The process of feelings is sometimes overwhelming yet I know that it's the healthier thing to do. Catch 22 I say. BTW, I really love your picture, you are a beautiful young lady.

nottycara 36F

7/3/2006 9:33 pm

My heart sinks when I learnt about what you are going through. Maybe someday I can share some of my unfortunate tunes with you. It's been rough but I am sure I am one of the oldest 25 year old I know. For whatever bloody reasons, life is never fair. But you like it or not you gotta live everyday. When I wake up in the mornings I have 2 choices:- Today is a good day or Today is a shit day. Take a pick.
Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it but I must add that one of the things I learnt is Beauty by itself is very, very shallow. Glad you like the photo. Now make the rest of your days a meaningful one. Each of it. Go out there and make a difference.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
7/9/2006 9:32 pm

Hey Ger...for the record, I'm sorry I missed this. I only know you through the blogs and only for a short time...but I view you as a friend, and someone I would make an effort to meet in real life.

That said, I know this is not an easy time and you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you take steps to work through this.

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