I am not what I used to be  

rm_gerson42 52M
1752 posts
5/22/2006 11:43 pm

Last Read:
5/26/2006 8:16 am

I am not what I used to be

I wrote this about 6 months ago approximately halfway through a journey I have been on. A journey of discovery about myself, who I've been and who I desire to be. While I don't have all the answers to my questions, this poem helps me to see where I was and how far I've come.

Who Am I?
I am not what I want you to see.
Nor what I think I want to be.
See me, but let me stay invisible.
Want me, so I can leave you.
Love me, even though I can't return it.
Where do I belong?
Why can't I stay?
I'm here, but only temporarily.
Why can't I just be?

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
5/23/2006 1:10 am

You've already come a long way if you are half way through your journey. Congratulations...

I'd say my journey has been one step forward three steps back for a while but now I'm at about a 2 to 1 ratio. Even baby steps forward count.

Frangi x

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:10 am:
Little tiny steps one at a time.

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
5/23/2006 2:42 am

a very good reminder....


rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:10 am:
Seems writing is good for that. Never would have tried it before.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
5/23/2006 3:36 am

I found myself reading through an old diary the other day...the last entries were made at the start of this journey. It was good to look back and remember...and to see the changes I have made since then.
Thank you for sharing this with us.

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:11 am:
I agree. Sometimes I can't see the changes in myself unless I'm able to go back and see what I was thinking before.

TabithaElectra79 37F

5/23/2006 5:11 am

I think alot of us share in those thoughts and feelings, very good poem, thank you for sharing it with us

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:13 am:
My pleasure Tabitha, happy to share.

wickedeasy 66F  
25355 posts
5/23/2006 6:25 am

"just" being is one of the most difficult things

it takes a monk a lifetime to edge a step closer to that

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:14 am:
We are on the same page today Wicked. Saw another of your posts regarding beliefs. Hmmm, a post in the makin I believe.

bipolybabe 54F

5/23/2006 6:40 am

I'm with wickedeasy. It's sort of a circular argument, but I often wish there were something I could "do" in order to get better at "being."


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:15 am:
so many circles.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
5/23/2006 7:14 am

Very nice...but sad too. Sounds like it was a very rough time. I'm glad you're more positive these days.

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:16 am:
It was a rough time, and I don't do non-positive well.


5/23/2006 10:00 am

a timeless question...to be or not to be?

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:17 am:
MO's back! Hurray.

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
5/23/2006 10:18 am

Is it just me, or did I post a girl only response post. Disaster, this is your fault. You made me a girl!

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
5/23/2006 10:44 am

And now?

(but see...a Girl Only Responses post are a good thing for straight guys)

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 10:53 am:
an excellent point 1hot. Off to write more prose.

southrnpeach333 50F

5/23/2006 1:37 pm

that last one is a pretty big Why.

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 9:07 pm:
For me, because I'd rather complicate things.

Seriously_Real 48M

5/23/2006 1:52 pm

I'm half a woman...does that count?

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 2:16 pm:
Only if it is the top half.

ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
5/23/2006 6:21 pm

I've asked the same questions many times. How I understand you Ger. (If I can be so bold as to claim to be a friend.)


rm_gerson42 replies on 5/23/2006 9:08 pm:
Friends it is. It's nice to find people in the same frame of mind.

FeistySyn 51F

5/24/2006 8:27 pm

Wow.... how did you get into my head? ... hmmmm....

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/24/2006 11:06 pm:
FeistySyn showin up at my post a day later. Where have you been?
I got in to your head cause you let me in.

8321 posts
5/25/2006 12:36 am

You like the safety of your distance.

That's evident.

When you finally realize that baring it all is empowering, you will have come full circle.

Safety is comfort, but also limiting.


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur

rm_gerson42 replies on 5/25/2006 12:55 am:
You hit it pretty good. The good news is that I've been walking that path for awhile now. Long enough to know better, yet haven't arrived at the desitnation.
Thanks DIV,

FeistySyn 51F

5/25/2006 8:08 pm

hey... I do have a life outside Blogville you know... unless you want to pay me to be your perfect comment whore? ... mind you, I don't come cheap....

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
5/25/2006 9:35 pm

I have to be firm. I do not pay for comments? But appreciate you coming bye.

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