How To Operate A Cart  

rm_gerson42 52M
1752 posts
7/21/2006 11:57 pm

Last Read:
7/25/2006 12:54 pm

How To Operate A Cart


I was at Costco the other day and realized that most people simply don't understand that operating your grocery cart is very similar to operating your vehicle, but without windows and horns and other contrivances that allow us to be anonymous assholes. To help keep me from bludgeoning you with oversized Vlassic pickles and jamming sauerkraut in your eyes, here is a list of cautionary grievences.

1. Saying 'excuse me' doesn't count after you've rammed your cart into mine.

2. I am passionate about purchasing meat on sale. I traverse the aisle no less than three times before making a decision. I feel you should understand that it's difficult to know what you want for dinner everyday for the next two weeks. You might have this problem in the ice cream aisle, and I like to think I would be sympathetic. So bumping my cart in a subtle attempt to expedite my decision will have exactly the opposite effect desired.

3. I am a guy, self admittedly with a cute ass. There is no reason you should not be able to see my ass when I'm trying to get the whole grain spaghetti from the bottom shelf. So don't try to tell me you didn't.

4. The day I can't walk through the store without leaning on the cart like a beached whale on a trolley is the day I stop going to the store and begin dieting.

5. If I don't talk to you at work, don't assume I'll talk to you in the store. The building may look different, but I probably still don't want to strike up a conversation while shopping.

6. If I'm looking, for example, at the fozen vegetables and I happen to be right in front of the package of frozen peppers you so desperately need, do not reach in front of me. I am not a vegetarian and will bite.

7. Or worse, do not stand three inches behind humming a song. My temper has a rather long fuse, but my "please wait your turn" complex is about as short as your attention span.

8. Just like driving, look before you turn the corner.

9. Next time your children run in front of me, I will not stop the cart. There are ways as parents to teach your children to behave in the store.

10. If you, in your car, stalk me through the full parking lot, trolling from my soon-to-be-emptied space, I will pretend to pull out my keys and unlock a car that isn't mine.

11. If I see you waiting for me to get the groceries in the car, I will move more slowly.

12. Let me back fully out of the space before you walk, drive, or let your children run unattended behind my car.

These are merely suggestions. If you don't feel you can follow most of these, shop at the Wal-Mart where you won't bump into me.

*While this list has some truth to it, please know that I will not actually run over any children with a cart or my car and that I do have a cute ass if allowed to believe what I've previously been told.

Note: This post, while intended to be viewed by those who appreciate my blog and in turn whose blogs I appreciate, should in no way be construed as an attempt to comment whore. Should anyone decide to comment, they do so at there own discretion and without coercion by author of said blog.

gerson42 - but My friends can call me ger




rm_truedom2 55M
663 posts
7/22/2006 3:04 am

It cracks me up that some people will cruise the parking lot for hours to get a space a few feet closer to the front door, and they are usually the people who need to be walking a few more feet.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:28 pm:
totally agree. I just head for the back unless I spot something.
ger

SacredStarDance

7/22/2006 3:47 am

but.. can i pinch that cute ass..and can I inventory whats inside your cart to see what your up to..
and the most important question.. do you think its ok if i slap the chit out of the ones with the motorized riding carts that are rude and think they own the stores and run over thy toes.. I really wanna smack them.

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:33 pm:
Yeah, what's up with those motorized cart people's attitudes. Maybe the stores should have a special lane for them... and yes, you may pinch my ass anytime you damn well feel like it.
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curious082385 31F
4925 posts
7/22/2006 4:48 am

"6. If I'm looking, for example, at the fozen vegetables....."

What are fozen veggies??

One of my co-workers who shares the same shift, follows me to the store and then tries to make conversation as we walk in and then winks and makes annoying comments every time we pass each other. Drives me nuts...I can't even stand him at work.
Maybe I'll borrow your idea and throw pickles at him.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:39 pm:
fozen veggies are the bags at the back that don't get cycled to the front like the regular frozen veggies.
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GermanGirl_000 62F

7/22/2006 5:01 am

You do have a cute ass.

GG


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:39 pm:
I'll send you some private pics of my ass. lol
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mickdevil 50M/52F
3496 posts
7/22/2006 5:28 am

AMEN! YA THINK PEOPLE WOULD LEARN !

Mick & Devil FWB
click me

Just Living Life


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:40 pm:
People can learn quickly, they just forget even more quickly.
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sexyariesgirl 57F

7/22/2006 5:52 am

Oh I am SOOOOOOOOO takin you to the store with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Power To FOK


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:40 pm:
Your store or mine?
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Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
7/22/2006 6:07 am

I think a few more trips to the costco where I live and I would have written something similar.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:41 pm:
When you have 4 children, a nanny and batches of people and kids hanging around all the time... you go to Costo alot.
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ProtonicMan 47M

7/22/2006 6:07 am

Good stuff! And you can find the fozen vegetables two aisles ove fom the died fuits!

TJ


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:42 pm:
are you making fun of me also?
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rm_wetfingeraz 53F
3012 posts
7/22/2006 6:07 am

My remedy for Parking Lot Vultures: I finish loading my car, get in, pull out a book, and start reading until they go away.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:42 pm:
Oooh, your bad. Your even better than me. lol
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wickedeasy 66F  
25359 posts
7/22/2006 7:16 am

your ass is better than cute

that said, how about the folks with 30 items in the 10 or less check out lane?

now, as i've mellowed, i often stop and help people reach for things, discuss the relative pros and cons of a product - take time to interact - who knows? one of those people may just turn into a friend or leave me a million dollars - rotfl

ah well, costco is a trip - makes me anxious just going through the doors

WE

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:46 pm:
Let's just not get sidetracked and concentrate on my ass.
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southrnpeach333 50F

7/22/2006 8:21 am

This is why i don't do the grocery shopping.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:46 pm:
I have to because I do all the housecleaning and cooking also.
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Seriously_Real 48M

7/22/2006 8:33 am

I have to tell you....let's never discuss this again. You are a parking lot asshole. And I'm one of the people you would torment with your assholishness. Sigh.

Yeah. We're not going to agree on this one.....

But I love you anyway.

--Seriously


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:47 pm:
Ok, don't tell anyone. I really don't do those things. Glad that you love me anyway tho.
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TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/22/2006 8:33 am

As I live in the Costco capital of the world, I feel your pain
I have heard that Wednesdays, at midday or so, is the best time to go, lol.
Yes, when at Costco we all just crave that perfect parking spot don't we??
And really, where else can you get a hot dog and Coke for $1.50?

Hope you got all you needed and you won't need to return for a while....


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:48 pm:
Got all I needed. Problem is that it just doesn't last very long. Gotta love the hot dogs.
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TXBITCH2006 49F

7/22/2006 10:01 am

Well, if you aren't going to run over the kids at least go kick the parents of those children in the ass for being so damn stupid. My son is 9 and he has never run amuck anywhere we have shopped. He'll even look at the kids doing it and say to me..."mom, I never acted like that"...and I say.."you are right baby, because I raised you better than that".


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:49 pm:
Totally agree. I have 4 children. Each one of them has been picked up, thrown over my shoulder, removed from the store and placed in the car with me in the front seat reading a magazine as they cry it out. Never had many repeat performances.
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rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/22/2006 10:09 am

If you ever get to New Mexico give me a call and I'll take you shopping at the commissary on the air force base. You think Costco is bad, try shopping with blue haired retirees that can't see 6 inches in front of their shopping cart.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:50 pm:
I do believe that would be an adventure.
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caressmewell 53F

7/22/2006 10:48 am

The problem is not only limited to Costco.

My addition to this list is if you want to stop and talk to someone don't do it in the middle of the aisle, get what you need and go some place else to gossip.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:52 pm:
That is funny! It is too common in relationship to where I live. We have 1 decent size chain grocery store within 30 miles. It is the community hub. Takes about 2 hours to shop because you know everyone.
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Lovin_U_4_Fun 54F

7/22/2006 11:13 am

While being bludgeoned with a cool, crisp, oversized pickle might actually be fun, I really don't want to have sauerkraut jammed into my eyes. Points taken.

I'm guilty of singing to my self when I'm trying to figure out, ounce for ounce, which product is the best buy!


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:53 pm:
I promise, that if I see you in the aisle and you're singing... the last thing on my mind will be sauerkraut. Let me think about the pickle.
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FeistySyn 51F

7/22/2006 11:59 am

Oh boy... I do love this post.. two things to add:

1. You left out the part where the lazy people have their "driver" just up and stop in front of the store, blocking most likely your entire traffic lane, while they let their overweight, out of shape, huffing and barely moving cargo out at the doorway... and,

2. I agree with Daphne entirely... the absolute worst shopping experience ever in my life was the commissary when I was married to a member of the USAF... the had actual fucking ARROWS on the floor that you were supposed to follow for which direction you could go in an aisle... I made sure I was always going in the WRONG direction and just smiled sweetly at all the ticked off retirees glaring at me... what where they going to do, give me a grocery-shopping-in-the-wrong-direction ticket???

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/25/2006 12:54 pm:
Don't know about the commissary first hand, gonna take your word for it. The addition of offloading overweight cargo in front of the store... now, that's funny.
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rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
7/22/2006 12:03 pm

1. But offering to pay for your groceries, now that would be useful.
2. Totally understand. All things must be considered - price per pound vs weight, sirloin vs rib eye, expiration date vs # marked off...it's a science.
3. As long as the refrigerator repairman butt crack thing isn't happening, we're fine on this one.
4. You have totally missed the point on this one. In a day filled with mandatory shopping and interminable errands, this is the closest thing to a time out.
5. Agreed. Have considered blinders, in extreme cases.
6. and 7. But wait. Society must agree on a relative length of time as a 'turn'

Ok, I have a short attention span and have pretty much wimped on doing this all the way thru. I'll just add one of my own:

13. More than ten seconds of total oblivion regarding the fact that your cart is totally blocking the aisle while you figure out which brand of deodorant you were told to buy gives me total rights to move your damn cart wherever I want to move it to.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:54 pm:
You may move my cart wherever you like.
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HBowt2 58F

7/22/2006 12:38 pm

I am not a vegetarian and will bite...you can bite me anytime baby....


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 1:54 pm:
You'll get your chance.
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florallei 99F

7/22/2006 2:18 pm

Hi Ger,

These Rules should be Posted at the Entrance...cute Ass eh? Which Costco do you frequent?
flo


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 2:07 pm:
How about I just show you at least half my ass everytime I post or comment. lol
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barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
7/22/2006 7:26 pm

I do eat children..lmao

Its good to be...ME


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 2:08 pm:
I've seen this pic somewhere before. Hmmm.
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rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
7/23/2006 12:10 am

This is why I use to shop WalMart at 1 am!!! I miss that and the high entertainment factor that use to be there.


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 2:10 pm:
WalMart at 1 am. That is something I have never experienced. This is by choice?
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rm_corezon 53F
3376 posts
7/23/2006 5:10 am

YOU are killing me. 3 (3?) sons and you actually get out of grocery shopping.

I am officially jealous. I practically LIVE in the grocery store when I'm not working or sleeping.

And Ger...keep reaching ...it's nice to know the shoe can fit on the other foot once in a while (not that I would watch, of course)


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/24/2006 2:11 pm:
It's because Southrnpeach has a significant other, such as myself, who is willing to do it. I even clip coupons and look for sales.
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absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
7/23/2006 8:48 am

Ya know if you'd call the contraptions the right thing... they are NOT grocery carts, they're shopping buggies!


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/25/2006 12:55 pm:
That's only in the northwest. lol
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bipolybabe 54F

7/23/2006 10:47 am

So, that's where that cute ass can be found!

BPB

BPB

Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/25/2006 12:55 pm:
Among other places too.
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amoldenough 69F
16436 posts
7/24/2006 6:55 pm

I read this, so I know it's true! It's a known fact that when someone knows you are waiting for their parking space, they take longer to get out of it. How annoying is that? And definately, cute ass.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."


rm_gerson42 replies on 7/25/2006 12:57 pm:
It is annoying, probably from both sides of the fence. That's, I suppose, is why it is so funny. Hey, are you looking at my ass?
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