Damn Beavers!  

rm_gerson42 52M
1752 posts
6/13/2006 3:18 am

Last Read:
6/30/2006 3:09 pm

Damn Beavers!

This is an actual letter sent to a man by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;

Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and
leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!

The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

gerson42 - but My friends can call me ger

EroticaXTC 50F

6/13/2006 4:14 am

makes dam good sense to me!

TabithaElectra79 38F

6/13/2006 4:15 am

I would love to hear the response to the response!

ButteryDelight 58F

6/13/2006 5:48 am

It's a dam good thing the beavers are so industrious with their construction of wood debris dams. Think of all the wetland are produced because of these industrious, fellows.

Buttery Delight

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
6/13/2006 5:51 am

Dam smart beavers, they just go ahead and build a dam, dam the permit. Sometimes it's easier to obtain forgiveness than ask for permission, obviously the dam beavers know this!

My gawds, and here I thought FEMA won the stoopid goverment award!


southrnpeach333 50F

6/13/2006 6:26 am

gotta love those dam building beavers....

Smooth_GaL 34F  
424 posts
6/13/2006 6:46 am

Go beavers go!!!


wickedeasy 67F  
26804 posts
6/13/2006 6:50 am

grins - dam bureaucrats

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
6/13/2006 7:42 am

Damn! Beavers AND bears?????

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
6/13/2006 1:56 pm

Well that was freaking hilarious!! I would have just loved to see Mr. Price's reaction when he read the letter...to see if he has any sense of humor.

HBowt2 59F

6/13/2006 3:38 pm

I'm crying with the laughter here...I love it...thanks..

ProtonicMan 48M

6/13/2006 7:04 pm

WTF happened to common sense, anyway? Go beavers!

(Actually, I prefer to go down on beavers, but hey...)


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
6/13/2006 11:28 pm

hahaha...why should the Beavers get special treatment??

JudeL5 46M
1550 posts
6/13/2006 11:38 pm

Very funny Dam bureaucrats

We all need beavers in our life... long live the beavers

OboesHonedIambs 62F

6/13/2006 11:49 pm

Did he get any good dam answers?

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
6/14/2006 7:56 pm

Beavers enough said


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
6/15/2006 5:05 am

I would have loved to see their faces when they opened and read that letter....

catseyes23 61F

6/15/2006 8:16 am




6/15/2006 2:55 pm

I just knew every one here would be on the side of a busy beaver or two

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/15/2006 4:10 pm

wipping the tears from my eyes

I would like to thank the man, Mr. DeVries for putting those Dam bureaucrats in their Dam place. And let's hope those Dam building beavers, drop a tree on those Dam defacating bears.

FeistySyn 52F

6/15/2006 8:07 pm


Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
6/16/2006 3:46 am

Who doesn't love a dam good beaver story? Great one. Hope you're all settled in from your move. {=}LeeAnn


MoonRise9 58M

6/16/2006 4:51 am

damn straight

Udo24fun 105M/105F

6/16/2006 1:59 pm

Dam Bears
Dam Government
Dam good tasting Beaver

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
6/19/2006 7:27 am

This is Dam funny every time i read it!

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
6/19/2006 12:01 pm

are the beavers shaved? I like my dam beavers shaved!

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
6/22/2006 3:11 pm

Where have you gone? Actual look for your new post. I have to say I miss seeing yours as opposed to some who think they have to post something, no matter how silly, every day. I know there is lots going on. But will be looking to hear from you again soon.


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