disaster is worse when you see it coming slowly at you  

rm_funinic 48M
562 posts
4/10/2006 8:03 pm

Last Read:
5/22/2006 2:08 am

disaster is worse when you see it coming slowly at you

I had dinner with her tonight.

During my week's absence she moved furniture around. Again. Moved my dresser out of the bedroom.

She is so obviously proceeding down the path I feared, getting used to life without me, being happy without me, that I see no possibility of reconciliation. Every time I bring up my concerns, she yells about my abusive behavior, how I'm trying to manipulate and control her, how I'm turning this into a discussion about her when the problem has been me all along... I don't see it, none of the counselors see it, and she's set on this path.

I censored my words here. No more.

It's been three months now, and things have been static since week four or so. No measurable improvement, just words. Words don't count. Actions demonstrate intent. Actions such as moving out my dresser. Rearranging the bedroom so that the only place for the laundry hampers is in front of my closet door.

Lip service in the face of contrary actions hurts more than if she just told me outright. I'm afraid she's preparing me for a soft landing, all it's doing is crushing me slowly.

Need to sleep, maybe I'm just seeing things wrong.

Then again, maybe her subconscious is driving her behavior with her true feelings, and she thinks I'm being paranoid because she's got a veneer over them.

At least I've made some friends here. I need that contact right now.

__Huntress__ 55M/57F

4/11/2006 3:57 am

Then make me confidant, too !


rm_funinic 48M
823 posts
4/11/2006 2:24 pm

I didn't intend to reel you in with this...

However it happens, though, I'm grateful you're paying attention. Personal interest, genuine care about anothers' well being, have been absent from my life for months.

I'll have to pay for a membership, I've been sneaking up on that decision for a couple of weeks now. Then I can send messages instead of only being able to reply to them.

rm_funinic 48M
823 posts
5/22/2006 2:08 am

Ahhh, to have contact again...

Huntress, I hope your new life is more fulfilling, more happy, less painful than your recent time here.

All I can really ask of fate is that you browse anonymously and read my words.

I have moved on, but that is absolutely not the same as forgetting, and I will forever remember our time here...

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