I'm really mad at my dad  

rm_frnd4funTT 41M
15 posts
7/26/2005 10:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I'm really mad at my dad

And I was trying to go to bed, but I kept turning it over and over in my mind, so I thought I maybe should get it out.

First things first. If you know my dad, you like him. He's a pretty smart, pretty talkative, easy going guy. Both of my sister's significant others like him a lot, seem to respect him, enjoy his company, etc.

I have a different perspective. When I was young, my father never went on vacation with us. He was always busy working. Mostly he worked retail when I was a kid, so I never really saw him. Too many hours. I was a Boy Scout (Eagle, actually), and I'm fairly confident that he never went on a single camping trip. I was in the theatre when I was in High School (the geeky side, not the performing side) and he never went to a single play we put on. I feel like he doesn't know me, and I don't really know him. I don't know for sure what he thinks of me... if he's proud, if he thinks I'm a bragger, know it all, piece of shit, whatever. I don't really feel like I know him at all.

So, all that is pretty bad. But, that's not what generally bothers me. I received a small trust fund from my dad's parents when I was 18. He and my Mom needed a loan because we were moving. I lent it to him, and then never heard another word about it since.

About two years ago (I'm 30 now) he and my mother were having another rough time. I offered him a loan. It's not a huge amount of money, but it's more than a year of car payments. After the loan (which was going to be re-payed in 30 days or so) was quite overdue, I started bugging him about it. He'd promise some money in a bit here or there, but it never came thru. Finally, I just gave up.

Now, my Mother's father (my Grandfather) is in the hospital in Florida. My parents are in Dallas. I know she wants to go to be with him in his time of need. I know that she can't afford to take the time off work to spend with him, nor can she afford the plane ticket to Florida.

It's tearing me up. I could give her the money to go to see him. What's another couple of hundred dollars, right? But, I can't afford to support them while she's there, and frankly I shouldn't have to. He should be able to support her, without her having to work. For Christ's sake, their in their 50s, they have no kids at home, and they live in a small suburban house. What's to support? But, to pay of these old business / bankruptcies debts, they both have to work.

It's just frustrating. I wish he was the father that everyone thinks he is. I wish he had been there when I was growing up. I wish he didn't keep screwing up these businesses. Mostly, I just wish he would take care of my Mom so I didn't have to worry about her worrying herself sick thousands of miles from her Dad.

So... It makes me sick. There isn't anything I can do, there really isn't anything anyone can do. Dear old Dad's not going to dramatically change anytime soon. My Mom's not going to be able to quit her job anytime soon. It's just something I have to grind thru, just like we all have something to grind thru, something to put up with.

Hope you enjoyed the post. Tell me if you did, there are a lot of people reading... no one talking.


rm_venture12002 62M
67 posts
7/26/2005 11:30 pm

I'm only sure about 1 point.I'm older than you and my dad was older when I was born.The farther you go back or where some are born a man was taught that being a good dad was working all the time.I know a child needs their dad and I'm not saying it's right, it's just the way some were thaught.I was told as a child that when I became a man it was my job to provide.I wanted more.I wanted my children to know me, but if I took a saturday off that I could have worked part of me felt wrong.I don't know you're dad I'm just saying maybe he did what he was told, maybe not.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
7/26/2005 11:31 pm

I know what you mean my parents are the same with money, bloody hopeless, only difference was they started out with a substantial inheritence and screwed it up,

Boney and I started with less than nothing, I mean we started out with 20 000 in debt from his first marriage and paying a hell of alot in CS and other costs which have popped up due to us trying to stay in touch with his daughter over the years, we have always helped them out given them money when we can to help out, iv worked for them for nothing for YEARS, which they are apparently going to pay me for one day......but through it all, Boney and I have gotten ahead, gotten the bills and finances under control and now are finally actually getting somewhere within 10 years, if anything they are behind of where they started well behind and they have had 27 years together to work at it....

it's never going to happen, they don't even repay what is given them mind you I know what they are like and have always known I would never see any of it.....

although it isn't my dads fault, he has always worked hard to provide for all of us, the financial mistakes have been made at the insistence of my mother and her own lack of preparation and dedication to making anything work....

and partly dads fault for letting her do it....

they go through life together and their financial position is both their responsibility


redmustang91 57M  
8599 posts
7/27/2005 12:02 am

The world demands success when the best he can do is failure. Many guys are not good with money. Forgive the fuckups and move on with life. Let them suffer or give them gifts, but do not expect repayment or thanks.

rm_frnd4funTT 41M
21 posts
7/27/2005 5:58 am

Thanks Red, for commenting. It's not the money... it's that my Mom has to work instead of helping her father. I understand that he's doing the best he can. You're right, though... I should forgive and move on.

Thanks for commenting, and thanks for reading. After I wrote this, I was able to get to sleep. That was really the goal... If I didn't get it off my chest, I'd have been thinking about it all day.


Become a member to create a blog