The End of the Affair  

rm_foxxychica 44F
188 posts
9/8/2005 2:56 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The End of the Affair

Exactly 14 weeks and 6 days ago, I met someone whom I thought would be the perfect candidate for a wild one-night stand.

Little did I know that he would turn out to be so much more than that.

Yesterday, I had to do the inevitable. As selfish as I am, I had to end it. He was so good for me in so many ways, this man who was so patient with me. (The man deserves a medal! -- Ed.) It was selfishness that made me keep him with me for as long as I could. It is ironic then... that it is selflessness -- because I find myself loving him despite my better judgment -- that made me let him go. He deserves so much better than me and the... 'baggage' that I come with.

Right now all I feel is a sweeping... desolation. We spent a wonderful last evening together yesterday and it was when we parted that I told him that this would be the last time we would be seeing each other. I held him tightly for one last time and sped off into the night. I couldn't bear to hang around for even a second longer, couldn't bear to see the sadness in his eyes.

He has given me so much strength in these past weeks. At this point, I just don't how am I going to go on without him. This morning I went to our usual meeting place. His pillow still smelled of him. I buried myself in his scent and couldn't stop crying... even until now as I type these words.

The world seems to be in monochrome today. I have absolutely no will for anything... I have to drag myself to go through the paces because life around me still goes on. I find myself wondering how could the world go on when I feel that for me, everything has ground to a halt?

I need to talk to someone about this... but he's the only one I want to talk to. He's the only one who understands me enough to know what I am going through.

I miss him.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W. H. Auden

Photo courtesy of Columbia Pictures

eternal1969 47M
1634 posts
9/9/2005 11:11 am

If it feels so good and right, why ever give it up?
I think it will be fair for HIM to judge if he is too good for you
Dun just throw something so beautiful away...

but thats just my personal opinion..

rm_foxxychica 44F
60 posts
9/10/2005 5:31 am

eternal: Oh... if you only knew... the 'baggage' that I come with. *wry smile* Thanks for your 2 cents anyway...

eternal1969 47M
1634 posts
9/10/2005 8:38 pm

Any baggage can be put away, so long as you are prepared and willing to work on it. There'll always be a cupboard space that can be cleared to make way for it or have it blend into the decor of your life.

rm_LoveMedic5 35M
1 post
9/12/2005 11:03 pm

hi, i'm new here. pardon for being proactive cos your story interests me as i too can relate with this. not sure wot exactly is your baggage but i feel i am in a difficult situation too. my partner is much older than me and has a child. that itself is a form of baggage which not many can withstand. i have gotten used to that. she's very intelligent and beautiful. however, she is insecured and paranoid on many occassions. which frustrates me and has affect me in more ways than one. often, people asks me why endure in such a relationship when i can have a simple one. and without hesitation i answer, its LOVE! and the best thing of all, it started out being very casual. and the next thing, you're in love. so i guess you're pretty much in a similar situation. but its how you want to view the glass... half empty or half full? you can either kill it before it kills one of you, or, love like there's no tomorrow. the only answer is in your heart. but is that the right choice?

yet to discover my choice...
you're not alone

rm_foxxychica 44F
60 posts
9/20/2005 2:32 am

eternal: Very well put... I shall remember that.

JayRTee: You are so right about regret. I foresee a sea change of sorts in my life in the near future. Wish me luck!

LoveMedic: As corny as cliched as it may sound, love DOES conquer all... (or at least it SHOULD ) I have always been told that one either does the RIGHT thing... OR...the 'HAPPY' thing. I am now at a crossroads. To do what's 'right' and probably remain miserable for the rest of my life OR do what makes me happy. Decisions.. decisions. Wishing you all the best! (And thanks for dropping by and sharing your story. *smiles*)

rm_freeze129 49M
5 posts
9/23/2005 6:59 am

you could have live as if there is no tomorrow with him. Chance don't come twice.. treasure it or lose it and when you lose it, face it.

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