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Shoes and Other Feet
Shoes and Other Feet
Tonight's the first night I am home and doing nothing in the past 4 weeks. The past 4 weeks have been utter... madness. A social whirlwind that has me feeling burnt-out and weary. Was just telling The Princess (of De-Nial) that this is totally NOT me. Told her I wonder if I am doing all this to fill the huge, gaping abyss in my heart. All I know is that this... restlessness is slowly eating away at me. It's gotta stop... somewhere... somehow.
I am finding complete joy in the simple act of vegging out in front of the TV in my daggy sweatpants and natty t-shirt watching mindless movie after movie this evening. (There's just something about a Jerry Bruckheimer movie with the ubiquitous Hans Zimmer soundtrack thumping in the background that is utterly perfect when one requires something completely mindless to watch. "Bad Boys II" on right now on HBO. Mmmm... all that testosterone. Gooooood.)
Last night I closed down the club (yet again) -- only left when they were rolling down the shutters! *wry laugh* Was with The Princess, as usual. Got chatted-up by a beautiful man with the most soulful brown eyes I have ever seen. His sexy Gallic-accented English made me go weak at the knees. Looked like Olivier Martinez (Ms. Minogue I no longer have to be envious of you! *LOL*) We exchanged numbers with promises to meet up for dinner/coffee/wotever but I am not sure I want to go on this 'adventure'. At this point in time, right this second.. I don't have the mental nor emotional energy for anything of the sort. I also came to realise last night that the hand that rocks the cradle... apparently, can ROB it too.
I am still thinking of a gentle way to let the one who is totally smitten with me down. I really do not want to hurt him because he is truly a good person and doesn't deserve to have his heart broken by someone like me. I don't know why I feel so drained when I don't/can't feel the same way about someone the way he feels about me. I feel bad and a whole myriad of other unpleasant feelings. I can't drag this on for much longer. It is unfair on him. As much as I enjoy (and to a certain extent have depended on) his strength, kindness and affection these past 4 weeks, I have to let him go. He needs to move on, find someone else who deserves and can return all that he gives.
However, at this point in time I find myself in a situation where the shoe, so to speak, is now on the other foot. I foresee a bruised ego in the coming weeks. Leos and bruised egos don't exactly.. gel. Ah well... one can't win 'em all, I suppose... :-\