Sex & honesty or Couples - R U for real?  

rm_ericez 63M
2 posts
5/5/2005 5:57 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Sex & honesty or Couples - R U for real?

I wrote this as a magazine article and thought it would make a good start for a blog.

This was originally a letter to a couple I won't name whose profile scolded married men who participate alone in somewhat harsh terms. But I got to thinking about things intimate and decided that lots of us might benefit from discussing the ideas I mention here.

Dear Couple,

We are close in age, so I'm a bit surprised that you haven't known anyone in the situation I describe below from personal experience. We all have a history we either acknowledge and adjust to, or deny and run from.

I was a little taken aback by your comments on married men who are swinging alone (of course the same may apply to women - but they don't seem to get criticized so much). Not all situations are the same and your blanket criticism is a little harsh, I feel. Here's why.

As a spouse of a disabled partner (after a bad car accident and coming down with a chronic disease), I made a choice to stay (in sickness & in health..ya know). In the past 10 yrs. I have been more of a caregiver/nurse than a lover/friend,
but I find that I must have both friendship and intimacy or I won't be able to keep that commitment.

I also know how painful it has been for my partner to give up so many parts of her life. After struggling with my own sense of right & wrong, I came to feel that telling her that I sought intimacy elsewhere would be a great relief for my conscience and a great way to cause additional, unnecessary pain. Lots of people cause a lot of pain with 'telling the truth' as their excuse.

If this means I set boundaries, not being willing to break up my family, then so be it.

A related point: I notice that couples seeking female partners seem to outnumber those seeking males or either by somewhere between 10 & 100-to-1.

It's hard to believe that all of the women in the world are secretly bi. And the last time I checked most men could barely keep up with one sexy, horny woman. Two women were definitely more than one man could handle, at least if repeated male penetration and orgasm were expected or desired by
the female partner(s).

Maybe instead it has something to do with men in couples getting off on either the idea of two women together or wanting the variety themselves of being with another woman, but not really being OK with their woman being with another man.

Unless of course its two couples -- so it's a 'fair trade, ' talk about our primate background! Bonobos are more sexually free than we humans.

I think lots of women in this scene feel pressure to let their man do what he wants with other women or couples, even if they don't necessarily want to play.

I'd love to know what you think....

-Eric


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