Jokes For Africa  

rm_east2west67 49M
88 posts
7/21/2006 1:07 am

Last Read:
10/30/2006 5:20 am

Jokes For Africa


Remember: Today is AFRICA DAY.
Please play tribute to African customs by making a complete fuck-up of something today.

rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/21/2006 1:10 am

The guy from Africa walks into a bar in Texas with a parrot on his shoulder.
"Where did you get hin" asks the barman.
"In Africa" replies the parrot. " Theirs millions of them.


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/21/2006 3:17 am

Satan visits Cape town and meets Gatiep.
"Do you know who I am" asks Satan.
"Nay" says Gatiep
"I am the Prince of Darkness" replies Satan
" O Fuck" says Gatiep, " You the CEO of ESCOM.


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/21/2006 3:19 am

Little Boy sits at table picking his nose and eating snot.
"Don't do that" says his mother.
"But all the kids at school do it" says the little boy.
"Sure they do" says his mother, " But not with a damn spoon!"


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/24/2006 3:22 am

An American, Australian and African hold a braai (barbeque).
The American brings some good beer, the Australian brings some meat. What does the African bring to the braai?
His whole fukkin family!!!


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/24/2006 10:19 pm

EXTRACTS FROM AN ENGLISH EXAM PAPER:

DEFEAT: is da fings do go in da tekkies
DIVORCE : is da fing u eat with the pap
DESTROY : is da fing the cows eat
DELIVER : is next 2 da kidney
DESIGN : is da fing 2 show u da way
DISSOLVE : is da answer 2 da problem
DETEST : is da fing I'm writing now.
EISH IT'S DIFFICULT!!!


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/26/2006 10:36 pm

Gatiep en Gammat skryf 'n Afrikaanse eksamen. Na die eksamen ontmoet hulle mekaar buite en vra hoe dit gegaan het.

"Voor die wind, voor die wind," sê Gatiep. " Daar is net een question wat my so 'n bietjie gegooi het. Dis daai question oor idiome wat sê wat is die idioom vir die kind wat laat in die ma se lewe gebore is."

"Dis easy," sê Gammat. " Dis laatlammetjie."

"O koek," sê Gatiep. "Ek het gesê "Uit die oude doos."


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/26/2006 10:40 pm

Sipho & Thabo are standing in a museum, in front of a mummy.

At the bottom of the mummy it's written : - 1227BC -

Sipho asks what it means.

Thabo : "Must be the number plate of the taxi that hit him !"


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/26/2006 10:46 pm

South African Municipal Services!

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again."

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed,


"Eish, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees, he is sick today!"


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/26/2006 10:54 pm

THIS IS REALLY TYPICAL

There was a case in a Johannesburg Hospital's ICU, where patients
always died in the same bed, every Sunday morning at 11am - regardless
of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that particular bed was
the work of the Devil ... as to why the deaths at 11am on Sunday
mornings?

A world-wide team of experts were constituted and they decided to go
down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.

So on the next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11, all doctors and
nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the
terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects
to ward off any evil spirits

Just then the clock struck 11 and

... ... ... ... ... ... .. in walked Sipho Tshabalala (the part-time
Sunday cleaner).

He entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he
could use the vacuum cleaner.


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/26/2006 11:30 pm

Little Johnny is the only white child in Tembisa Primary...

One day the teacher decides to have a little Q&A, and if you get the answer right the kid can get two days off school and only return to school on Wednesday.

The teacher asks: "Who is the Queen of England?" Johnny's hand is up first and Simpiwe's second. The teacher asks Simpiwe and he says:
"It is Queen Elizabeth."
"That is correct Simpiwe" says the teacher, "now you can have today and tomorrow off and we will see you on Wednesday."
"No-no-no, I dont want off because my parents they pay the school fees
and I want to become great leader one day" says Simpiwe.

The teacher asks the second question: "Who was elected to be President in 1994?"
Johnny's hand is up first, and Gladys second. The teacher descides to ask Gladys the answer.
"It was Presedent Mandela". Says Gladys
"That is correct " says the teacher, "Now you can have today and tomorrow off and then we will see you on Wednesday."
"No-no-no,I dont want off because you see my parents they pay the school fees and I want to become great leader one day" said Gladys.

The teacher goes through the whole class, and they all give the same explanation: "No-no-no i dont want off......."

but she doesn't ask Johnny once for a answer. Johnny sees the teacher taking her seat, he thinks for about 10 seconds then shouts: "You f##ken AdultFriendFinder#rs" .

The teacher jumps up and asks:'"Who said that?"

Johnny puts up his hand en says: "EUGENE TERREBLANCHE, 1986. Cheers mam, I will see you on Wednesday!"


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/27/2006 11:04 pm

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's all the politicians clock?" asked the man.
"All the politicians clocks is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fans."


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/28/2006 1:26 am

Juffrou vra vir Gatiep:

'Jou ma het 4 aartappels, julle is 9 kinders, hoeveel aartappels gaan
elkeen kry?

Gatiep:

'My ma is nie 'n poephol nie, sy maak mash!'


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/28/2006 1:48 am

Op 'n plattelandse dorp waar die inwoners hoofsaaklilk Afrikaans is en
gedurende 'n wintermaand toe verkoue erg in die omloop was, was die
predikant baie omgekrap dat sy aandag gedurende eredienste onderbreek word deur gemeentelede se hoesbuie.Hy bespreek toe die probleem om 'n oplossing te vind met sy koster wat Engelssprekend is.

Die koster gaan koop toe 'n groot bottel hoesstroop by die apteek.Die
volgende Sondag as iemand hoes, staan die koster op en gaan gee vir die persoon 'n lepel hoesstroop in en sê vir hom iets in sy oor waarna die persoon opstaan en uit loop. So hou dit aan en die kerk is later byna leeg.

Na die diens vra die dominee vir die koster wat hy dan vir die mense gesê het dat hy later vir 'n byna leë kerk moes preek.

Die koster sê hy het net vir hulle gesê, "For cough".


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/28/2006 2:00 am

Long live Cape Town..

1. The fruit seller walks up to the car and says:
"Peske, Peske. Lekke peskes. Net vyf rand virrie laanie."

The guy in the car says: "Is hulle soet?"

The fruit seller sa ys: "Dja menee, kyk hoe stil sit hulle!!"



2. Three guys selling snoek on the corner shouts:

"Hiers djou snoek"

The guy in the car says:

"Wat vra julle vir daai snoek?"

One guy replies:

"Ons vra hulle niks, wil djy hulle iets vra?"



3: Gatiep & Maraai steel 'n snoek, en sien toe 'n Polisie man

Gatiep Sit die snoek onder djou rok!

Maraai : Dit gaan stink Gatiep!"

Gatiep : Drukkie snoek se nies toe!"


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/28/2006 2:02 am

Gewig en Massa

Gatiepie sit in die skool klas en die juffrou sê hy moet verduidelik
wat is die verskil tussen "gewig" en "massa".

Gatiepie answers: "Daai's mos maklik djuffrou ".

My pa sê vir my ma: " Djy moet gewig verloor, djou vetgat".

My ma antwoord: "Djou massa moer".


rm_east2west67 49M
107 posts
7/28/2006 2:05 am

THE LITTLE BOY


A little boy wanted to know what it was like to have R1,000. His mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the R1,000.

When the post office received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to President Mbeki. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy R20. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the R20 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows; "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through the government. As usual, those thieves deducted R980 for tax."


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