Drinking Again  

rm_drunkagain66 51F
57 posts
11/24/2005 8:47 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Drinking Again

Happy Thanksgiving!! Yes I have been drinking again.

LustNTranslation 63M

11/25/2005 8:56 am

Well, I really feel for you. I remember what it's like, counting a few days, feeling like I'm in unknown territory, wondering how long it can last. Loving the idea that I actually didn't drink today, but let's get real, I can't do this for ever. It'd be like holding my breath for ever.

I'll tell you what happened with me, in case it might help. I drank regularly for about 23 years, loved drinking but didn't love what it did to me, tried to quit a lot of times, and could never make it stick. Finally had a wake-up call that was much bigger than normal, and quit for eleven months, during which time I was convinced that there was now a new me, and this me didn't drink. I really thought alcohol was all in the past, and I'd beaten it. Then came a big family party in England, and to cut a long story short, I drank for a week. Came back to the States thinking OK, no problem, drink in England, where your family is, just don't drink in America, where you live.

But I couldn't quite manage that, and started drinking again very slowly. Soon afterwards, I had what I hope will be my last drink. I went to a bar with the intention of having only one drink, and before I knew it, I was halfway through the second one. Nothing unusual there, except that I suddenly had this revelation: I saw that, for whatever reason, when I drink, I lose control over precisely when I'm going to stop.

It is simply a fact about who I am - that when I start to drink, I can't control specifically exactly how many drinks I have. It's not a moral failing, it's a simple, physical fact.

I saw that I only had two options: Just drink like I wanted to drink, and stop screwing around and kidding myself that I didn't really drink any more; or stop, but stop seriously. And I knew that if I was serious about stopping, I'd have to go to AA. It was an absolute last resort, but I knew that if I was going to be real about this, I simply had no other option.

I'd been to a few meetings in the past, but only as a tourist, just to check it out. And of course, it didn't work for me. It might work for alcoholics, but hey, I'm a nice guy, I'm polite, I've never been to jail, I cry in movies, so obviously I'm not an alcoholic. So I kind of knew that if I went to AA, I'd have to just do whatever they told me, and not do my usual thing which is to question and analyze and then do things my way.

So I called AA, got the address of a meeting near my house, and went. And that was nearly 13 years ago, and I haven't had a drink since.

I went in with a lot of doubts about whether I was actually an alcoholic, and therefore whether I really belonged there, but I saw something on the wall that said, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". I knew that I had that desire in spades, I mean the debating society was over - and that sentence told me I was in the right place.

I got a sponsor pretty quickly. Well, I didn't ask for one, this group just appointed me one. I didn't think I was a real alcoholic, and I didn't know what a sponsor was (but it didn't sound good), and anyway, I thought he ought to save his efforts for real alcoholics who would have a real need for his services. But I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and I'd already decided that whatever those people in AA tell me to do, I'll just do it. Anyway, today he's still my sponsor. And he became the first guy (I guess still the only guy) I've really, totally opened up to. After a while, he took me through the Steps, one by one. And slowly my life just changed. For the better, of course. Well, there's no comparison.

I learned that on my own, I can't do it - that mental obsession with alcohol would have just continued until I started drinking again. But doing it with other people, and with a program where I had to take specific actions to change my life, made all the difference.

To be fair, I got sober in New York City. That's a fantastic place to do it, because there are so many groups and meetings that if you don't like a particular meeting, you can just move on and find others that you do like. I've never been to Byron, Wyoming, but I guess it'll probably be different there. But if you really, really want to stop, you can do it anywhere.

If you're still interested in not drinking, you might try the main AA web site, at www.aa.org . They have a "Letter To Anyone New To AA", which gives you some information, and shows you how to contact AA in your area. There are four Wyoming area numbers, in Casper, Cheyenne, Laramie, and Sheridan, and they'll be able to give you more local information.

I don't know what else there is to say, and I hope this might have helped you a little. All I can really finish with is to say, when I was drinking, I couldn't imagine a life without drinking, and I didn't think it would be possible in my case. But I found that it was possible, and more than that, life got a lot better.

ssmdt1 52M
35 posts
11/25/2005 1:19 pm

Well nothing more can be said really you either moderate a little bit,or substitute drinking for something else. You might be looking for help but the decision is solely your own.To stop or slow down that is.Personally AA seemed like a crock of shit but it has helped some people.

digdug41 49M

11/25/2005 7:45 pm

LustNtranslation hit it on the head I couldn't of put it anybetter myself hope you think about it

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