Me- Part One  

rm_dragonheat23 51M
977 posts
1/17/2006 2:19 pm

Last Read:
5/30/2006 6:51 am

Me- Part One

Here I stand at the edge of a precipice ready to leap.
I recently found out that my wife had an affair which began in June of last year and went until I found out about it, and put an end to it about a 2 months ago. This was not the first time she had an affair. The funny thing is that of all the people that she could have been with, he was the last one I would have suspected. He was a friend of mine too and really not that good looking. My wife is very attractive and ten years younger than me. She has always gotten a lot of attention from men and is a very charming, outgoing, vivacious person. She is a big flirt too.
We had the checkup. We tried to talk it over and I tried to understand. We went to counseling. The therapist told me that my wife will very likely do it again. I had put restrictions on her away from work time, but again was told that will make her want it more. Besides, I canít watch her 24/7. So my love for her has turned 180 degrees and become apathy. For now I remain married. There are a lot of reasons to stay that way. There is one reason not to, albeit a big one.
She has told me that it wasnít about sex. Our sex life is(was) fantastic. Even by Penthouse Forum standards. She told me it wasnít about love. She said that she had a need that I didnít fill. She didnít know what that was (or wouldnít tell me).
So part of me wants to feel what she feels. I want to experience more of life.
And so I jump.
Perhaps I will be buoyed up in my descent and discover a deeper meaning in life. Maybe I will find my wings and fly. Maybe I will meet someone on the way down to teach me how to fly.
Perhaps I will crash to the rocks below.
And so I jump.


1/17/2006 8:35 pm

I have know for awhile my husband has messed around.He played football in college and i was working three jobs, so he had alot of time he went to parties and such. He will never admit to it. But when I found out in december of 2004 that he had met a girl online and went to her house, he could not tell me he didn't cause I found the e-mails. So this man that I had so much love for, tore my heart out. We are still together,but I know he has others, call it a gut feeling. So here I am. I have met alot on here with the same stories. Weather we make it or not,I do not know. But this has filled the void.

rm_dragonheat23 51M
1158 posts
1/18/2006 5:25 am

Thank you Nightlady. It is encouraging to know that there are others who have learned to fly. i am a patient person so I will hope and wait.

rm_dragonheat23 51M
1158 posts
1/18/2006 5:32 am

H-N-B My heart goes out to you. It is hard when someone takes all we have to give, runs it through the shredder and then demands more.
I knew that there was something going on. When I got the confirmation however, something in me just died. I am glad to meet others like myself (if only electronically) who have gone through this and are doing OK.

angelgrrl 48F

1/20/2006 11:21 am

Was your wife abused, by chance? Many times, people who were abused, no matter how attractive, they suffer from self-esteem issues and need a lot of outside affirmation.

But no, you can't watch her, you can't control her, and so you have to decide if an open marriage would make sense. It sounds like you love her a lot; maybe the two of you could reach an understanding on this. No, it's not the ideal situation; in fact, it sounds downright painful. But maybe, just maybe, you two could reach a deeper love by allowing this exploration with boundaries. Painful, I know. But if she's worth staying with despite her need to be with others, and you can understand it's not an inadequacy on your part, then maybe, just maybe, you two can have something far deeper this way.

At least, I hope so.

rm_dragonheat23 51M
1158 posts
1/21/2006 5:58 am

Anglegrrl, No abuse that I know of. But then we all have our secrets don't we?
An open marriage is a possibility and it may be the answer we need. Yes it does sound painful, but it may be less than the pain that we currently may be heading for.
Thank you for your advice and wishes.

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