first timehere  

rm_doublewood12 44M
1 posts
6/11/2006 10:19 am

Last Read:
6/17/2006 11:29 pm

first timehere


thought that i was done for the day, guess that i was wrong. found out that the morning is here. wasn't that hard, with the sun coming through the window and all. twenty five hours of conciousness, thirty five smokes and a half bottle of scotch later and i am finally starting to make sense to myself. doubtfull to many others, but it doesn't matter in the long run. smiles to the little birdies chirping at me through the screen. you too whoever you are. come on have a drink with me. maybe a smoke, handrolled, if that's to your taste. it's sunday and i have nothing to do all day except to write my little thoughts out for all the world to see.
wrapped up in my red, white and blue blankey, the same one i've had since i was eight, makes me think of how little i know of the world around me. i'm still that same scrawny kid that saw things with a bit more shiney than anyone else. the shiney that causes even the simplist things to seem amazing and new... different from the dull life of the working class adult that parents and peers expect of me.
to see things in a way that catches me off guard almost constantly is something that i don't have the vocabulary to even try to remotely explain... if only this feeling would penetrate me to my bones...become permanent.. never disappate...
it's nice to experience the feeling from time to time, though, even if it only lasts for the space it takes to roll and light a smoke. no matter what, just a moment is enough to remind me of my childhood, enough to remind me of the person that i always wanted to become and fear that i may have done.

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