Is there a thing such as love?  

rm_domino_JBay 30M
2 posts
3/12/2006 2:00 pm

Last Read:
4/12/2006 6:34 am

Is there a thing such as love?

Well lets think.....I wonder. I've recently read a book - OF LOVE AND LUST by Theodor Reik. According to him a beloved person is but a substitute of the ideal ego. When people say they love each other, they are actually interchanging their ego-ideals. That they love each other means that they love the ideal of themselves in that other person. So we can not fall in love if we are satisfied with ourselves. If we feel we need not attain our better selves and the best of ourselves then love is impossible. Transferring an ego ideal is the most obvious characteristic of love...

well, thats one theory...

Jan na


rm_PurryKitty2 48M/50F
9753 posts
3/12/2006 3:10 pm

I would have to disagree.....

Purry {=}


tgrladynry69 41M/48F

3/12/2006 6:03 pm

"Transferring an ego-ideal is the most obvious characteristic of love." HUH??!! Musta been that our friend Theo was never actually in love. Or not for long enough to know what he's talking about. He actually sounds pretty egotistical to me, LOL. His comments about ego-ideal driven people and love sound more geared towards Lust. Love is a personal sacrifice and an ability to compromise endlessly with the person you are in love with. There are a million people out there that I dont care about whether they like me personally or not, no matter what similarities to each other or things in common we have together.

Matter of fact, true love is quite the opposite of an ideal counter-ego made because of our own self image. Therefore, we could not possibly fall in love unless someone thought we were ABSOLUTELY perfect in EVERY aspect. It's impossible to expect ANYONE to think that way. Love means committing to the other person/people without judging them due to their shortcomings or mistakes they have made in their lives. Love is never about just yourself. Someone who truly loves you will allow you to be yourself without having to fake ANYTHING in your relationship. Someone who truly loves you will help you attain your better self naturally, with care and without their own ego's prejudices. Honesty, trust and compromise are the core foundations for true love.

Egos are more for lust not love. Lust has to do with wants, not needs. Lust is selfish, it often doesn't matter initally what the other individual's personality is really like. Hence one night stands, short relationships and infatuation. We get all dressed up and looking good if we're single, building up our own egos and wanting someone to want us because we look good and little else. All the sudden, someone seems to be a different person than what we thought they were once we get to know them better. Strong desire is a powerful motivatior for an ego driven person to act in a way they normally would not act. Fantasies generally occur based off of what YOU want, not what someone else wants, unless you are truly in love.

Can an ego driven relationship turn into love? Yes. But then it requires the strength to maintain the relationship on both sides. The ego driven person will eventually change from how they first appeared back into the person they really are. The person who fell into love with them will have to live through that to make the relationship work. Any ego between the two of you would have to fade into the distance. The chances that you can make it work are not nearly as good as a relationship that was built on true love to begin with.

Ego/self esteem can be both good and bad. If you are comfortable enough in your own skin to be yourself in every aspect, you have a much better chance at finding a truly loving relationship. If you are insecure with yourself and emotions, your own ego can lead you to a disastrous relationship and failure.

Doctor Ryan, M.D., The study of life through actual experience.

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