rm_dizzyandfun 48F
1211 posts
2/6/2006 1:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Its funny really how things are - or can be - life changing and you havent even analyised them. Perhaps havent even noticed the ramification of events. Today was a catalystic day like that. I think of myself as quite tough usually,but not today. By time I waded through God knows how many emails, phone calls, inane questions and even more inane answers, I realised that it just wasnt working. I fought back feelings of helplessness and willed the tears to stay inside where they belonged.
At about 3pm I left the office with a friend, and went for a long long walk along the Paseo Maritimo. My friend (female) and I just strolled along, no destination in mind,just quietly talking..rolling from subject to subject. For once I was quiet..listening more than talking. I didnt realise she had been (or so it felt) studying me so much. She pointed out something that I had never even thought about. Or had thought about but not in the same way she did. Perhaps she is right, perhaps wrong, either way (shrug) she saw something that I didnt.
We got back after 4, and she left then to go home. I had a couple of appointments, each in their own way catalystic too, and finished around 8pm. The three events coming one after the other, and added to the last 2 months, have I think profoundly changed me. Its 10 30 pm and I m still thinking.

Do I want to change ? No.
Do I HAVE to change? Yes, I guess I do. I KNOW I do.

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