It's the worst feeling in the world when you cause someone distress  

rm_deaminveni 50M
139 posts
10/13/2005 9:57 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

It's the worst feeling in the world when you cause someone distress


This post was initialy denied. I have no idea why? It doesn't seem to meet any ofthe criteria for rejection, so I've resubmitted it.

I don’t think I’ve felt this bad for a long time. I really can’t tell you how retched I feel. I unintentionally caused someone distress. Worse still I’ve lost their trust and friendship.

It was all caused by being stupid and being over-cautious. I made a pledge to myself that I would always be honest on this blog, even if I thought it would cause me discomfort. This post is one that I hope will help explain what I did, why I did it, and you will see why things have gone wrong. I left work early to come a put this post up as soon as I could in the hope that it will at least put the lady's mind to rest about me.

As I said in one of my pervious blog entries, I met a wonderful lady through AdultFriendFinder. We have not met face to face but I was hoping to next week, and now through a stupid mistake I doubt we ever will. I’ve come to know her through her blog, e-mail exchanges, and a little chat. Understand, I really admire and like this person. (Putting things like that in may seem like I’m trying to ingratiate myself with the lady, but it’s honest. Sadly there’s nothing I can do that will convince you or her of that).

So, I give this lady my e-mail address so that I can pick up her e-mail where ever I am (AdultFriendFinder is not a site to be visiting at work ). I did this because I wanted to have more time to read her words and to write my own back. I did this because I really want to engage with this person and get to know her.

As most of us here do I use a pseudonym Deam Inveni (if you’re interested [and assuming my Latin is up to it] this means “I found an Angel” ‒ it seemed appropriate). My handle on this site and on the email account I use in the early days of an AdultFriendFinder friendship and the same. This account also means I can chat under the same handle too. All very convenient. If we become good friends, and after we have met, I will give you my personal e-mail address (it’s sort of like a scale of trust I operate).

Now, I set up the account only recently, and I did so in a rush. When faced with the prompt to enter a first and last name during the registration process I thought “Hmm! Don’t want to use my real name”, after all this e-mail account is for the early stages of a friendship and I remain cautious about giving out too many personal details. Let’s face it we all have to protect ourselves from all sorts of risks on the Internet. Anyway, I just entered the first name that sprang to mind; first name “Dean", last name "Wilson”. I have no explanation for where the name came from. I don’t know anyone of that name. I have never had a Dean as a friend or work colleague. As for Wilson I did know someone called Wilson, until she got married and changed her name.

Now, those net-savvy people amongst you can see what’s coming. The lady sends me an e-mail and I reply. Of course, by now I have given her my real first name (and it’s not Dean). Well, quite naturally this concerns her. I tell her my name’s XXXX and she gets e-mail from Dean.

Before I go on, I would like to say I completely and absolutely understand why she reacted with extreme caution. I sympathise completely with her position. She, like me, is very cautious approaching anyone on the Internet and this must have been a BIG RED FLAG!

The silly thing is that if I’d been awake when I registered I would have entered “Deam Inveni” as my first a last name. Now, this is no more or less of an untruth than “Dean Wilson”, but it I’m sure it would not have concerned the lady one bit. I could have used complete nonsense “abc def” and she probably would not have questioned it, putting it down to the simple fact that I wanted to maintain my anonymity. Heck, I could even have put my real first name and a fictitious second name, and I’m sure it still would have caused no concern.

But I didn’t do any of these things, and now I fear I have lost her trust and friendship. Losing her friendship, and knowing that I have caused her distress, hurts more than anything else about this whole sorry tale. Okay, I feel like a fool. I should know better (I work in IT, I know how these things work, I’ve been on the Internet from before the WWW was born), but losing her is much worse.

The irony in all this is that had I been a scum-bag I would probably have been too clever to make such a dumb mistake. Them’s the breaks.

I hope she can forgive me and we can pick up were we left off. If she can’t forgive me then at least I hope this post explains what happened and puts her mind at rest. I have of course sent her an explanation in an e-mail but she may not read it. So just in case she reads this, to the lady concerned: Please forgive me, I really never meant to cause you any distress and I’m terribly sorry for this whole mess.

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