|Blogs > rm_deaminveni > Assorted 21st Century Angst|
OK, this is a hard post to write. I'm bound to upset someone, piss someone off, and at the very least, this is deeply personal to me. I'm going to try very hard not to editorialize too much otherwise there's no point in doing this.
Body image: I'm talking about the way you see yourself, not the way others see you. I have absolutely no idea how people see me, and if you're honest with yourself you don't know how others see you. This is my main theme for this post.
It's very easy to offer consolation to one's friends or lovers. "Size doesn't matter", "Fuck 'em, you're lovely, ignore those pricks", or how about "hey, you're great the way you are, don't change for anyone". I've offered this advice to men and women alike, and I meant it every time. But, when someone says it to you, do you believe them?
It's easy to write modestly about yourself; "I know I'm not the greatest looking guy/gal", "I know I could do with losing a few pounds", "I know I'm not the greatest lover". Hell, I do it myself!
The TRUTH is that:
- There's someone for every one.
- Looks are not the most important thing to a lot of people.
While I'm being brutally honest, which is most of the time when I don't think I'm going to hurt anyone. I love to look at beautiful, young, sexy women. I enjoy browsing through AdultFriendFinder and looking at naked bodies, cunt shots, and sex shots. As a man, I'm a shallow pig when it comes to satisfying my visual sense.
HOWEVER, as I outline in my profile, I've discovered over the years that the best people come in all shapes and sizes. (I can hear the collective "DUH!" from the ladies. Look I was a bit slow on the up-take OK? I was young, stupid, and my cock ruled my world when I was younger.)
Actually that reminds me of a joke...
When God made Adam she said to him, "Adam, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
"What's the good news?" Adam asked.
"Well, I've given you a cock and a brain."
"And the bad news?"
"Ah. I've only given you enough blood to power one at a time."
I've dated some stunning women, only to discover that they're gold-diggers, or boring in bed. I've dated "the girl next door" and found that she's fantastic fun, and the best fuck of my life. Now, that's not to say I haven't dated stunning women who have also been fun, or "the girl next door" who's turned out to be boring. My point is, you really can't judge a book by its cover.
My body image wasn't great. Don't get me wrong I don't see myself as the worst looking man the the universe, but I see the following in myself:
1. I don't have a six pack (never did), I am now officially "cuddly" LOL
2. I'm not as fit as I could be (entirely my fault! Too much good linvin')
3. I have an assortment of moles on my body (blame genetics, and the fact I'm not vain enough to get them removed)
4. I have a curved spine (not enough to be really obvious, many people don't notice, but enough that I'm self conscious about it - and that's my point, it's MY self image, not the way others see me)
5. I have a "pigeon" chest (again, most people never notice notice, and none of my lovers have commented on it, but it made me very self conscious as a young man)
6. The inevitable cock issue. Average. Honestly, 6 inches on a good day, thick but not too thick. I see porn stars with 9 inches and that fleeting "I'm inadequate" moment passes through my mind.
OK, that's it for the negative side. That's how I saw (ok, see) myself and it's the reason why (especially as a young man) I was VERY self conscious with this image of myself. Now that I am older I've realised that this is MY problem, not anyone else's. I've enjoyed the company of many fabulous women and NOT ONE has commented on any of the above. NOT ONE has said, "no I don't want to se you because you've got...".
What they have said is, "You're obsessed with your work", or "you can't find time for me". Now, understand, I thought I was being very attentive to these women, but evidently not. This is the reason I really don't need another relationship, I suck at relationships
My point is that the ladies I saw never once commented on the physical aspect of our relationship, the problems were always more intangible, emotional fulfillment issues. (Oh, and the cock issue? No complaints so far. )
Body image may be a problem for some, but not for me. Not any more.
I have no issues with my naked body nowadays. It's what I am, not WHO I am. If you don't like it, that's your problem, not mine.
Could I have sex with someone I was physically repulse by? No. But do I look for physical perfection in everyone I am intimate with? Of course not! It's an impossible standard. I'm not even sure what the phrase "physically perfect" means, even to me. I either find someone appealing or I don't. I always try to get to know the person behind the body before I decide whether I'd like to go further than just friends. I've often been surprise by how sexual the person is!