A Confession...Something's Missing...  

rm_creepnldy 40F
279 posts
5/25/2006 5:33 pm

Last Read:
6/17/2006 5:05 am

A Confession...Something's Missing...

I wrote this post in class today, then I got home to find out that it may not matter anyway.

First the confession, I am so crazy about Love that it is indescribable. I really don't want to slow things down with him, quite the opposite. I just listened to some well-intentioned friends who said that if I wanted him, I had to let him go, and that meant that I had to date, too. I protested that I didn't want to see anyone else, and didn't think he did either, but regardless, I still didn't want to. Anyway, long story short. I accepted two invitations to go out next week. I flirted on here saying some things that I really didn't mean, sorry agentorange. I haven't wanted to be with anyone else since I met Love...no one. I have never felt the way that I feel about him, and though it makes me completely vulnerable--and I don't like to be at all vulnerable--I love him. I am in love with him. I don't want anyone else. Okay, you all can laugh at me, you can tell me that it's stupid, or whatever...I don't care what you think. The problem is, it may be too late because some of the things I said on here bothered him. I certainly hope it isn't too late for us. And, Love, when I said that I would wait for you, I meant it. I meant that I would wait forever if that's what it takes.

Now, let me just sum up what I wrote in class because it is kind of long...I have been feeling like something is missing since I made the decision to accept those invitations to go out--which have been cancelled, by the way. I have had several men paying me attention lately, and it doesn't mean anything. I don't care about the quantity of the attention but the quality--the right amount of attention from the right man is all that matters; it is better than all the attention in the world from everyone else--at least to me.

I have been thinking for the last few days that I did something wrong, that I revealed too much of my feelings and what I was willing to do for him, that there is no way that he can truly feel the same for me anyway...after all, I am unlovable, right?
Maybe I am unlovable because I always sabotage potential love, of others and from others. I don't want to sabotage this, because even if it means that in a month or two, or a year, my heart is shattered into a million pieces, it will have been worth it to spend even one day with him.

The song that was playing on my CD player this morning (on repeat) is "Blame It On My Youth" by Jamie Cullum.

But this is the one that has been playing over and over in my head since I left him on Sunday...

One More Day

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

By: Diamond Rio

Love, I don't want to lose you. I'm just a girl in love with a guy, and all I really want is you...a chance to love you and only you and for you to love me and only me. I don't want to wonder what might have been between us. I know it's crazy. I know there is distance between us, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you as much as possible. Surely, you could tell how I felt the last time we were together. Surely you know that this is the truth and not anything else I might have written to the contrary.

I won't be on here for a while after tonight. I am going to pray that he decides to give our love a chance...to give me a chance, despite the fact that I have always been unlovable.

rm_TexNVa 49M/49F
376 posts
5/25/2006 6:51 pm

Communication is the key to any relationship.
I don't know "Love" from Adam; but he needs to tell you what his expectations are. I know if he tells you what they are that you are the type of person that will make them a part of you.

Talk it out. It's worth it.

_Safira 53F
11260 posts
5/25/2006 8:08 pm

This was just right ... You know that I'll be praying for you. *much love*

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