Feast or Famine  

rm_cmpatri 38M
18 posts
3/18/2006 11:58 am

Last Read:
12/28/2006 8:42 pm

Feast or Famine

How is it a single person seems to have either absolutely no prospects for a relationship or too many? How is it that a month ago I seemed to know no ladies whom I wanted to get to know better, and now, at last count I have six, SIX! All of them have their own appeals, not all of which I can explain. Although nothing has ever come of any possibilities, this has happened to me more than once. As is common for me I have anylized them all rather thoroughly. I tend to overthink things, more on that later.
One of them "KE" is about as sweet as they come. I worked with her about a year ago, then she left for another job. This week she is back bringing all sorts of unresolved feelings back to the fore. I have not had the chance to speak to her further, but I definitely want too. That is, I can overcome my rather large amount of cowardice. I'm working on that, have been for years.
"TR" is a beautiful woman who has been someone that I have been "pursuing" clumsily for some time with no sucess. I have the feeling that I'm too far on the friend side of the line to ever become more than that, I have not, however been unequovically shot down yet, so I still have hope. (That damned friend line, more on that later too.)
"RY" is an attractive woman with a sharp wit, and a good heart. We share similar interests, not least of which being our disdain for our employer and a taste for the same type of music. The main problem, other than the friend thing, is her boyfriend. The thing that I like the least about that, is I like the guy. He's a good man and he treats her well. I long ago swore to myself that I would never meddle with someone else's relationship. My view is that if I ever drove a couple apart, I would always fear the same would happen to me. There are some lines that I will not cross.
Of all the six I know the least about "TE" we've talked a few times, but she's one of those people that automatically make you smile. I'm not even sure why, but I'm drawn to her.
If people had lights on their heads "RA" would certainly be flashing red. There are several reasons why I logically shouldn't go there, and until recently I wouldn't even have considered it. She's my direct supervisor so bad there, also she's in a relationship too so two strikes. Recently though, she's shown signs that she may have feelings for me. Freudian slips that may mean nothing, significant pauses in a conversation, and so on. I never thought about her before in that light, but mostly because of the aforementioned red lights. Once she opened up to me and allowed herself to be vunerable with me. I find that extremely attractive.
I've known "KI" the longest and therefore know all sorts of useless facts about her. She's childlike without being childish. I had it on good authority that she harbored a small crush on me a couple of years ago, but me being a moron completely missed it. I wonder to myself if she is trying to hint at me again. Or am I still a moron?
All six of these women have sent some kind of signal too me. Although most of those could be interpreted as gestures of friendship, my brain and heart choose the radical interpretation of the text. It's entirely possible that none of these six harbor anything but friendship for me. (Maybe not even that) It's possible, probable even that I have no chance with any of them. That's how it always turned out for me in the past. Maybe this time's different, maybe.
The main thing with all these possibilities is that I feel that I actively pursue one, I will be on some level be betraying another. I know that's an idiotic view to take, but I can't help it. The further possibility that some or all could be "false positives" adds to the frustration to an almost epic scale.

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
3/18/2006 2:30 pm

Life is funny how it works, huh?

Purry {=}


imLadyBambi 58M/50F

3/18/2006 4:28 pm

Its obvious from reading this blog that you are a very intelligent - you are probably an extremely intelligent person. While such brain power has its virtues, it can be a hinderance when it comes to romance. Take a step away from the comforts of your intellect and let your heart decide matters of the heart.

Best of luck, you will do just fine. By the way, you also come across as a very sweet and sincere person. These ladies are lucky to know you.

Lady Bambi

rm_cmpatri 38M
52 posts
3/19/2006 7:15 pm

Thanks for the comments. I do like to think I'm smarter than your average doorstop. But I have wondered what it must be like to be a moron. To not have any idea what the consequences of my actions are and more importantly not care. To be that whirlwind in other people's lives only looking out for myself. I do wonder.

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