As a woman...  

rm_cjcj9 41F
745 posts
3/15/2006 5:26 am

Last Read:
3/24/2006 8:29 am

As a woman...

I have found a way to use that to my advantage. I know it is a shocking revelation for all of you men. But, simply put, in my line of work I need and have used the fact that men find me attractive to get what I want. I find nothing wrong with this as long as I am using it for the good and not for the bad. Kind of the white magic v. black magic thing. It's just one of those things as a younger woman that you learn to develop. I know women who are very good at this. But, there is an issue at work...something I need, my boss (yes the one from the previous posts) does not want to allow. There have been some dark thoughts crossing my mind as to how I can get my way. I am attempting to step back and take a hard look at these options before I do anything.

How does it make you feel when you know a woman is doing this to you? I assume men have to know. But, a lot of the time that I use my "powers," in my defense, I have been put in that position by others, both women and men. Do you knowingly put someone in this position? How do the women feel about it? Do you use your looks, your charms, etc to get what you want?

AltumHunksUnite 53M

3/15/2006 5:52 am

I can usually tell when I'm being played, unless she's REALLY good. Most of the signs I can recognize right away, and others take a little more time. It's not a good feeling.

Let me drive. I like the view

AltumHunksUnite 53M

3/15/2006 6:02 am

Let me also add that there were certain times when I knew I was being played but did not give her any hints that I knew. There's great satisfaction to be had from successfully "playing the player" at his/her own game.

Let me drive. I like the view

tekweezel 62M
18 posts
3/15/2006 7:28 am

Kind of depends on what you want. Of course most thinking males understand we are being led around by the crank, but if we didn't mind going there anyway not considered much of a defeat. There's always a price to pay. Just a question of how hard you want to bargain.

douxetlent 65M

3/15/2006 8:27 am

I think that as long as both sides are playing the game, and both sides are ok with the benefits and the cost - hey, have a good time. From my side, I actually think it's kind of a fun game.

I think, though, that when a man tells a woman "I don't want to play, please stop the game", and she continues to use her "power" against his wishes, we're basically talking mental , sexual harassment, emotional violence - whatever you would call it when a man uses his "power" to play a woman in a wasy that she does not want to be played. The only differene is, if caught and convicted, He's looking at jail time, or worse, and she's looking at a jury saying "WTF is wrong with that guy?"

Rock on, baby, and may the Force be with you!

slippy_slidy 51M
1 post
3/15/2006 8:42 am

How do you really know if you are using the powers for "good" or "bad". What's good for some is bad for others, kinda tricky moral justifications at times and the end results can be far different then the intentions.

As for being "played" lol. Maybe it's true most woman develop a this skill for this, for good reason. I know alot of men develop their own dectective abilities to guard against. I personally view woman who do this to me like used car salesmen. I'm polite but totally not interested in giving them what they want. Now, if like Cleavis said above, they are *really* good...that's another story because ignorance is bliss

norprin5 55M

3/15/2006 9:09 am

i usually know...but i'm defenseless anyway

King Nor XVIII

fsuliber 42M

3/15/2006 9:50 am

All I can say is...don't bring yourself down to this level. Slippy is right, where do you draw the line. Eventually you will use it to your advantage when you said you never would.

Now don't get me wrong, there is a time for this. When both are playing the game. I can recognize when a lady is trying to use it, and will allow myself to play along (but not let her know). But when I see it happening in a professional setting, I will lose all respect for the lady. And once I lose respect for you, you are no longer attractive to me. So all I can say is...don't do it.

BTW: you will undermine all the great strides that women have made to show that they belong in the workplace because they can do it (a lot of times better) with their minds.

But this does come from someone that doesn't have the gift of looks and charm in his arsenal

rm_talktame44 56M
63 posts
3/15/2006 12:18 pm

Workplace politics are tricky at best. I think you're an intelligent woman and will figure out the right way to go. My thoughts....if you play using those "power" build resentment among peers. The moment you need're on your own. From a guy's standpoint.....pisses me off.....not that someone might try that......but that anyone would think I'm stupid enough to fall for it.
I also try to show people respect....the old golden lose that in my eyes. And though you can re-build's difficult and you won't be looked at the same way again for long time.
Good majic vs bad......still majic. and if you're using it to unfair advantage.....I know there's temptation to say....well she's/he's doing it so why shouldn't I? We all have personal standards....what they are define us. lowering ourselves to the least common denominator isn't a good way to be. Don't do it. Don't make yourself something less in the eyes of those around you.

rm_bluedog4791 42M
74 posts
3/15/2006 3:08 pm

I guess I am a little surprised at the reactions here. I can completely understand where most of you are coming from and that maintaining professionalism and a sense of trust is crucial in a work environment. I also think the abuse of the power women have over men can be dangerous in a workplace.

HOWEVER, we all do it, men and women to some degree or another. We all know the strings that we can pull on a colleague to get our way, whatever that may be. Taken to the extreme I do not know what I would do if someone was trying to sleep with me with alterior motives. I don't feel as though I could condone sleeping with a superior to get your way on a policy or project or whatever, but who really knows until you are in that position. But on day in, day out office politics, it is the way some things just get done and interactions happen.

lifes2short069 48M
138 posts
3/15/2006 3:41 pm

I think use what you got, but dont lower your personal standards or morales to accomplish things. You have to live with yourself and your actions, so before you get into trouble (or not) think before you leap..

my 2 cents l8r m8 L2S

rm_cjcj9 41F
188 posts
3/15/2006 3:58 pm

Wow!! I didn't expect these responses either. And, I would like to clarify that this is not an attempt to get ahead or get a promotion. It is a different scenario. I won't go into it here,but, that is not it. And even after listening to what everyone here said, I don't feel bad about using it and there is a difference between good and bad. For example, if I were using my "powers" to get a promotion that is bad. If I am using it to get something that is needed to help someone, that is not bad. So, in that way, I would disagree. There is a time and a place.

I do feel in certain businesses it is commonplace for both men and women. It is intricately designed. I, for one, am not concerned about the leaps for women in the workplace. I am concerned about me and my workplace. There are so many women out there that prove, daily, they are better at the job than their male counterparts. I do believe in women's equal rights, but not in a trite argument of taking away from how women are viewed in the workplace.

There is a time and a place and if they know you are playing a game, you aren't doing it right. There is the ability to be discreet. On this topic, I would agree with bluedog..."it is the way some things just get done and interactions happen." I believe men do it, too. I, also, believe that women are just better at it.

SmiteFangoLarva 42M

3/15/2006 8:18 pm

I don't really see using your feminine "power" as being any different than those who leverage friendship, history, titles, driving a Mercedes, etc. to gain the things that they want to accomplish at work.

Ultimately the giver is responsible what is given and you are the only one who has to be comfortable with what you are asking.

Flip side: I have seen this backfire. I was interviewing a woman who was just cut out for the job she was applying for. When she realized that she wasn't going to make it, she turned on her "power". Not only did it not work, it just came across as being desperate. Later I discovered that she had tried this with two other interviewers, and met with the same response.

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
3/16/2006 10:19 am

If your trying to get something to improve the entire office I say go for it!

but if your just trying to get a new stapler or the pink post its! then your nuts!

rm_talktame44 56M
63 posts
3/16/2006 12:26 pm

Ahhh.....don't judge us too harshly CJ. One thing with posts such as does lack detail......and for obvious reason. That leaves it's exact intention open to some interpretation. And since we all tend to draw on experience.....we more easily assume those things that seem foremost in out minds. Don't know if you'll find anyone who's worked in the office setting without some story of how someone moved up or gained advantage thru the things you speak. it's natural that we speak to those issues.

I will say this though.....even something intended as good can have unforeseen consequences. Even if what you seek is for the common good, and can be proved as such, there can potential problems down the road.
Lets say it's something as simple as a coffee maker in the office. It's outta the way, cuts down on downtime since people aren't running to Starbucks.....absolutely no down side. You ask and using those powers of yours....and I expect they're pretty strong too....the coffee maker appears. Good the group. Kudos for CJ. but there will be someone thinking "I've been asking for that damn thing for a year and she get's it like that?" That seed has been planted. Might be small but the next point of contenetion it begins to grow. yeah, I know....maybe extreme....but it's something to think about. And sure, we're all human. When someones nice to us....powers or not....we like that. Many of us go outta our way to be accomadating and being attractive ceratinly doesn't hurt.....that's been proven. So what's the real answer? I can't really give you a concrete opinion....there's too many unknowns. I just think in general....not a good idea. But like I said before....I think your an intelligent woman and you'll make the right decision. Only advice I can give.....make sure it's an objective decision and not a rationalization.....but I figure you know that already.

charlieff 76M
264 posts
3/17/2006 2:01 am

During a recent business meeting a group of seven men and two women were discussing how the data for a weekly spread sheet could be retrieved from the computer system. The last column was calculated from various other columns on the sheet. As our technical guru I explained that the calculations were incorrect and suggested that the data in the last column should come direct from the system data. I was informed, and not politely, that I was wrong and my idea wasn’t needed.

The next week at the follow-up meeting a cute, petite blonde from the software company explained that the last column on the spread sheet would have to come directly from the system data. Her brilliant idea was immediately accepted.

Apparently her attitude “I know I’m attractive and can get what I want” fooled everyone but it really p*** me off.


rm_cjcj9 41F
188 posts
3/17/2006 4:22 am

Charlie, was she aware that you had already made this suggestion? Could it have been possible that they were not rejecting you, but more accepting of her idea because she was a rep of the company?

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