Diaries of a Madman...246  

rm_chrs_frt40 43M
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11/22/2005 12:07 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Diaries of a Madman...246

I'd love to meet up; I'm better one on one. I'm not interested in anything past meeting until we each discover what chemistry lies between us. I'm certainly interested in a cup of coffee. Here's my last entry (You can find more at:

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Diaries of a Madman...246

Why would one desire a mentor? Without...one drags their feet into the quick of the earth and loses one's self! Before you...is the answer through the modest of words to most of the problems that we each chose to aviod at one moment or in an spanning entirety...

Ashley, your sharp witt is but only reason I love you so...

November 22, 2005


(Do yourself a favor and read this whole message even though it will challenge your attention deficit. It is only a page and a half long ‒ and most of it is the CHING.)

I figured something was going on. Your retreat back into the womb room is beginning to zap your energy. Too much escape; not enough rubbings with reality. It happens.
The longer it goes on, the more depressed you will get because you add guilt to your burden. I went through the exact same thing the year after my divorce.

It is obvious to me that all of these difficulties began to drag you down when your problems at school caused you to resign. At first you took the release from pressure as a liberation. This, unfortunately, threw you back into Summer Freedom Mode as you almost instantly reverted to the ‘sleep late syndrome’ of last summer. You spent more and more time on the Internet, because the writing you were doing was feeding your soul. However, you spent less and less time in actual body activity. To my amazement, you did not take the opportunity of the free time to go to the gym daily and build yourself back up in the way that always has such a good effect on your psyche. Then you started missing your massage classes regularly. No real excuse there either. Retreat into fantasy became your waking world. Your body actually began to deteriorate from lack of exercise ‒ in short, you were getting weaker. Seth tells me that a 27year old athlete in top physical condition will start loosing body mass and physical (as well as mental) strength after only three days of confinement in a hospital bed. You have been back in the womb licking wounds now for almost three weeks. No wonder you feel exhausted!

Rest and activity. Rest and activity. That is the balanced way of life. Rest and rest and rest is escape and leads only to imbalance. This is where you are now. I don’t think it is the medication. I think it is a product of you loosing your will to contend with your problems face on.

What was it that the CHING told you Sunday last? “For a wise person, adversity and frustration actually become the soil of spiritual growth. The greater the difficulty, the greater the growth. One has the choice of making the situation either positive or destructive. Even in adverse times, the true nature of happiness can be maintained.”

“It is crucial to gather and center one’s energies and to face, accept, and experience the difficulty. Facing difficulty is a test of one’s personality.”

“Your progress is slowed by your position (staying asleep in your room). Although your intentions are good, you are diverted from your path by temptations (to stay ASLEEP IN YOUR ROOM). Meeting with obstructions and entrapment are symbolized here. However, by remaining centered and balanced, you will be unaffected by the difficulty.”

“You must align yourself with the cosmos before further action is taken, otherwise you will begin to make mistakes. To accomplish this you must examine your motives. (Have you seriously done this yet?) They will be the cause of your problems…. Dangers lie ahead. Innocence means that even though one has the capacity to do or to know negative things, one chooses the remain innocent and abstain from such things.”

(Negative things, in this case, mean the negative and depressed state you keep yourself in by not taking the opportunities for action offered you. Leave the womb and participate in productive activities……the gym, massage class, working on the greenhouse etc. It IS possible, believe it or not, to abstain from negativity by turning your mind to the positive aspects of your life, of which there are many. Look at the wonderful things we have been accomplishing together rather than concentrate, bemoan and express the emotional void that you are stuck in.)

Back to the CHING:

“The universe is very responsive to one’s energy. Rewards and punishments, whether visible or invisible, are instigated by one’s own thoughts and behavior. We are our own executioners.”

Fifth line: “What may appear as an unfortunate turn of events has internal causes. Your sickness consists merely of false and confusing SYMPTONS. (Got that? There is nothing wrong with you.) Since you are healthy and have access to the right surroundings, (the church, gym, classes etc) shadowy obstacles cannot really hurt you. Some trouble happens, but it turns out to have a surprisingly good ending.”

“With inner strength and light, one can bite through the darkness, giving one the opportunity to see himself clearly. Thus ignorance can be overcome and one can move freely. Obstacles must be sought out, reformed, and thereby eliminated. They will not miraculously vanish on their own. You must face your destiny and determinedly bite through the Darkness.”

“There could not be a more appropriate time to examine your character and determine the extent to which any delusions, rationalizations, or habits have usurped control of your judgment. Vague principles will make of your life an uninspired, undirected and meaningless act. These factors that assume control of your behavior or your health or that create inner discord are the obstacles that must be overcome.”

So Chris, the answer is to fill up your time with ACTION. You have been filling it up with words and depressed thoughts. Both words and action are needed if you want to have balance in your life. So get up by eight o’clock in the morning and go to the gym. This will pump you up and get your ready for the day. Find some work and make some money. Come over here if you need work ‒ anything to break the womb cycle that you are dissolving yourself in. This will make you feel better about yourself. It worked for me. Just think about what the CHING says above for you at this moment of your life. How could the advice possibly be more applicable to your situation that it is? Here are your own words to me: “I'm not sure what's wrong...depression, medication adjustment, etc. ?”

Now you have the answer. Are you going to act? Are you going to go do the make-up time at massage school, or are you going to stay on the internet like you are at this very moment and remain in the womb tomb which is dissolving your vitality?


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