BDSM, sex addiction, and the path to hell.  

rm_chislut 42F
1534 posts
7/10/2006 2:33 pm

Last Read:
1/19/2007 3:08 pm

BDSM, sex addiction, and the path to hell.

Wow.

I am simply amazed at some of the responses I've gotten to my posting about the gangbang.

Apparantly, I'm now psychologically damaged, a sex addict, on my way to a drug habit, have horribly low self-esteem, and am going to end up bloody and beaten. In an alley, no less.

And each person that writes to "warn" me and offer their "help" straight out says they won't listen to my defending myself and when I ask them for more info they retract their offer for help, too.

I'm feeling a whole bunch of things here. I want to give more info that I think wasn't obvious in what I've already shared about my sex life and what I've been doing. I want to throw insults back at those who have written me and called ME names. I *really* want to know why I even give a shit about what people I don't know at all think of me.

I doubt that any of the people who have contacted me will even bother to read this. They've all declared that my "denial" that I'm in trouble is "proof" that I *am* in trouble. Kind of a catch-22.

I'm not a sex addict. I can see how it *might* seem that way if you really think that I write about ALL of my life on this blog. From the National Council of Sex Addiction:

1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they become emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic daydreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behavior is abnormal?
6. Does your spouse--or intimate partner--ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel guilty about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Did you ever seek help related to your problematic sexual behavior?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you have sex compulsively followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all)?
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from people important to you?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior or fantasies?
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?

3 - 4 "yes" responses may indicate an area of concern and should be openly discussed with a friend or family member.
5 - 7 positive answers suggests a need for further assessment of the problem behavior, including the consideration of attending a 12-Step support program such as Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous.
More than 7 "yes" responses indicates a serious struggle with addictive sexual issues with potentially self- abusive and/or dangerous consequences. Should seriously consider professional treatment.

The ONLY yes I have is possibly to #2 because I have a subscription to Playboy. Oh, and #21 and I think that's a biased question.

So, I'm addicted to napping and to ice cream, but not to sex. (Seriously, though, I DO know what addiction feels like. I'm 5 months smoke-free after 10 years of smoking 1-2 packs a day.)

There also seems to be a MAJOR misunderstanding about both HOW I ended up with this particular group of guys for the gangbang AND about BDSM in general. I'm not sure which to address first...

Hmmm. Ok. The guy who organized the gangbang (G. I've been kind of seeing him regularly. I wouldn't call him my "boyfriend" and I have the feeling (but, I'm not sure) we're NOT compatible after all, but that's besides the point and has nothing to do with our *physical* and *sexual* compatibility (which REALLY sucks, come to think of it, since we are SO compatible THAT way).

He's sweet. Very kind. Very nice. I'm offended that people are assuming he must be abusive AND that I wouldn't be able to tell that he is. Which he isn't.

Anyway, YEARS ago, he formed this group of men who do gangbangs. He has standards for a guy to join the group and most of the men have been "members" for a long time. His absolute number one rule is RESPECT the WOMAN. Is it possible that there will one day be a guy who IS disturbed and violent? Sure, it's possible that "my" guy would be fooled. But those OTHER seven, eight, nine, whatever, guys who sure as hell stop the bastard from doing harm.

I just can't emphasize enough how normal and nice and RESPECTFUL these men are. Were they somewhat rough during the sex? Yes and I even said I would have liked it rougher (which I'll get to...). But afterwards they took care of me and made sure I had anything I needed. Did I add all those details in the story? No, I didn't think it was "erotic," but I made the mistake of thinking that some of my regular readers had read my earlier posts. And that they KNEW I needed that kind of aftercare. And there's no way I'd be *happy* about the experience if I hadn't gotten it.

BDSM. I have had submissive fantasies since I was approximately five years old. No, I wasn't abused or anything like that at all. Actually, I just recently went to a talk given by a Domme who says she also had her dominant fantasies since she was a little kid. It's not uncommon.

Submissive does NOT mean less-than or garbage or worthless, people! Geez. Being into D/s is NOT a psychological disorder. ARE there people who have, well, "issues" who get involved in BDSM? Of course. But that doesn't mean that being into BDSM means you have "issues!"

Oh, so the roughness. I did say in my post that I did wish they were rougher. Maybe the people who contacted me just assumed that a GB had to be rough to begin with so my asking for more had to mean actual violence?? One person who contacted me suggested that I would continue to want more roughness until I ended up with a damaged colon. LOL! Uhm, no. You ain't getting anywhere NEAR my ass without MY being in control of that. And I did have to back away from some of the guys who wanted to try anal with me during the GB. Sorry, they were either too big or were going at an angle that wasn't comfortable for me. I didn't even have to SAY stop in those cases, I just pulled away from them and that was it. The image I attached here is the motto of people involved in BDSM groups and they take it very seriously. And I AM involved with people in these groups, not just random "unknowns."

However, I like having my hair pulled. Not pulled OUT, just pulled. I like being pulled onto a guy. I like being bitten. NOT until there's blood, just little nips. THAT's what I meant by rougher. And there is NO proof anywhere out there that people into BDSM and slightly masochistic just keep needing more and more. I looked. I actually found studies that state what I just stated. There's no evidence for it. None.

Oh and to the guy (who I'm almost certain is NOT reading this, oh well) who says I'll "wake up some morning with zosters all over your beautiful face" needs to do a little research on the different types of herpes viruses and how they're transmitted. I understood his/her point, but it loses a little something when the basic facts are flawed.

Also, getting off on "humiliation" DURING sex, doesn't mean you'll stand for it outside of sex. Yes, I like to be called names and be called a "slut" when I'm having sex. I'm really pissed off at the guy who emailed me and called me that for real. In a very derogatory manner. Who says that I'm ignorant of what I'm doing. And of who I'm spending my time with. He says that " I'll venture to say the only men who are following your blog with desires to meet you are the wolves in sheep's clothing..the ones ready and eager to take advantage of you. They do not give a fuck about you, in any way , shape or form. They are pretenders at best,otherwise they'd have no part in it." This person by the way specifically did NOT give me permission to quote him. But, he doesn't have to for me to have the right to do it. I'm so tempted to name him because he's hurt me very badly. I thought he was a sort-of friend. And he's the one I want to throw insults at, reflexively. In retaliation.

I absolutely know with no doubt in my head or heart at all that there's at LEAST one guy who I've met with in real life, who reads my blog, who does not feel that way about me. (Hi, friend, if you're reading this! I hope you know who you are!) I'm pretty sure about some others. And I know that the guy who organized the GB cares for me, too. He doesn't bring me flowers and go to the movies with me and tolerate my wanting to go places that serve girlie drinks all because I have sex with him. Or not ONLY because of that, anyway.

So, ok? In case anyone IS reading this that's worried about me and you haven't written to me, I'm ok. I guess if you really believe that anyone who's into BDSM or is submissive has psychological problems, then I probably can't convince you otherwise from here. It's NOT true that I'm going to keep doing "worse" and "worse" things. I really wanted to try DP and TP and I worked my way up to that. I really wanted to be on film and I worked up to that, too. (Hey, I don't post about ALL my experiences here!)

There are other things I want to try, but I'm guessing they'll sound more tame. That doesn't mean I no longer want to try them. I'd like to masturbate while a guy is sucking my nipples. I'd like to have sex while ALSO using a vibrator on my clit. I want to have sex in front of a mirror. Actually, I think the photos and filming were part of working up to the mirror!

Ok. I'm done explaining. For now.

Oh, feel FREE to argue/disagree/try to convince me I'm wrong. I'm **ALWAYS** open to hearing another's point of view.


2hard2betrue 42M

7/10/2006 4:45 pm

Don't know who the *friend* is that reads your blogs, but I should get points for almost driving off the road while reading your blog from my car (I know how you feel about cell phones and driving- sorry).
I was more concerned that you turned off your profile than you enjoy having sex with men.

The same men that chastise you for wanting what you want are also the guys that jerk off to porn. I guarantee they'll watch the most depraved sex ever videotaped, lust after the women in the movies, and still be such assholes that they'd give shit. They're just jealous that you're free.
I've met you, I like you, and hell, I've done things ten times worse than just having alt sex. I'm going to hell... now at least I have the chance to enjoy the ride...
Oh, and the vibrator, and the mirror and all that... that was just a little bit of my Saturday night. It might be more tame than you've experienced, but I'm workin' on it. I knocked off about 5 things on the 'ole purity list in one night.


rm_chislut replies on 7/10/2006 5:54 pm:
GeEz! My problem is with people *talking* on their cell phones with driving! It didn't even occur to me to worry about them READING their cell phones! Thank you for not killing anyone and giving me a lifetime of guilt.

Your comment about movies/porn makes me wonder, though. I *think* that GB and BDSM porn is pretty violent and anti-woman (well, except the FemDomme stuff, I guess?). Maybe that's why some people assume that's how it was with me? I guess if that's all they know, that would make sense. I don't know. I feel like I can't emphasize enough how nice those guys were. WAY more considerate than the average one-night stand. I was treated like a princess.

Anyway... sounds like I better try to catch up with you in adventures!

rm_chislut 42F
710 posts
7/10/2006 5:57 pm

Oh, and I turned off my profile because I finally realized DOH! that's a good way to halt the emails for a while so I can catch up!

Yeah, sometimes I'm a bit slow.


coff3216 40M

7/10/2006 6:05 pm

It goes in stride with the whole girl in a gang bang is a dirty slut.. but if a guy was to have 4-5 women he's a player/stud. You enjoy sex and I am sure by reading your blog for a bit that you take precaution before you meet someone, let alone 5 someones. Chi, this is my reassurance to you that your just fine the way you are. I know you don't need to hear it, but I thought I'd share. You may be a bit more horny then the next girl.. or at least you do something about it. But sex is fun, you found the right group.. have a good time. If the tables were turned I would romp around with 5 women every day of the year!


rm_chislut replies on 7/10/2006 7:23 pm:
Every day of the year? I'm *definitely* not in good enough shape for that! That sounds exhausting.

gentile_sadico 51M
1368 posts
7/10/2006 8:28 pm

sounds like the conservative types are alive and well on AdultFriendFinder, or are they simply jealous that you are living out your fantasies?....either way, i hope that doesn't stop you from writing about your experiences....the idea of a librarian living the life of a slut is one that i thoroughly enjoy...


rm_chislut replies on 7/11/2006 11:10 am:
I don't think they're necessarily "conservative", just uninformed. Or only partially informed. Some of that may have been my fault for not including the nitty gritty -- aka Boring! -- details, such as how I hooked up with the group in the first place. It didn't seem important, but I can see how leaving that out gave the wrong impression.

Glad you're enjoying the stories, though. Gotta watch out for those librarians...

Wordsmith2004 36M
7233 posts
7/10/2006 9:32 pm

Apparantly, I'm now psychologically damaged, a sex addict, on my way to a drug habit, have horribly low self-esteem, and am going to end up bloody and beaten. In an alley, no less.

Is this supposed to be BEFORE or AFTER you make a the threesome video with Rob Lowe and Sasquatch? I mean, I wanna know exactly where we are in this After-school Special this guy wrote.

He says that " I'll venture to say the only men who are following your blog with desires to meet you are the wolves in sheep's clothing..the ones ready and eager to take advantage of you. They do not give a fuck about you, in any way , shape or form.

Umm question....by Also following your blog, doesn't that make HIM one of those guys??

Perhaps over-pumping the obvious POINT here but still...

And to be frank here...I am NOT a Wolf in sheep's clothing....I'm a lion in silk....sheesh...almost too easy! lol

Conserve Water and Prevent Global Warming: Shower With A MILF!


rm_chislut replies on 7/11/2006 11:13 am:
Nah, if this were an afterschool special I'd be pregnant, too!

LOL! Good point about him the blog himself, too! I was so frazzled I didn't even think of that.

Word, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're NOT a lion in silk... you're not in ANYTHING as far as I can tell from the photo!

trisexualbaby 33F
1 post
7/10/2006 10:38 pm

I just stumbled onto your blog, and I have to say I am appalled that someone you don't even know from another site would have the audacity to judge you for the choices you are making. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman and I envy your courage for not only fulfilling your fantasies (safely and under your terms) but putting them out there for the rest of us to see. I am of the mind that people who act horrified by the sexuality of others are only repressing their own desires. Women like you are confident in your sexuality and their is nothing wrong or perverted or slutty or unhealthy about that. Don't let anyone tell you any different.


rm_chislut replies on 7/11/2006 11:16 am:
Thanks *and* thanks for stopping by!

I don't know that others are repressing their desires so much as they're being presented with ideas that they're having a hard time getting thier minds around. Regarding the GB, the only GB stories they've heard involve violence and degredation of the woman, so they can't understand or even imagine how it could be otherwise.

I wish my words explained things more clearly, but my posts are long enough already!

rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
7/11/2006 4:46 am

There are only two things which are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I am not certain of the former. Einstein

Enough said. You are an adult. you make choices. It is not for anyone to judge, so have fun and recognize the immaturity and envy of those who wwrite such crap.


rm_chislut replies on 7/11/2006 11:18 am:
Well, I do want to defend that at least two of the people who wrote to me did seem sincerely concerned. (Also dismissive and patronizing, but that's another rant...)

Thanks for the Einstein quote. I'll have to remember that one.

Kristofer32 46M

7/11/2006 5:22 am

I have said before, and I will say it again, you are putting too much effort into worrying about what some insignificant other person has to say. Hell, I MUST be one of the aforementioned wolves in sheep's clothing...my own blog isn't forthright at all...oh, wait, the clouds are pink in that world, too. You are a sensual being and you have certainly got guts. I would love to find five women or nine or hell, right now I would settle for one who isn't trying to "rip my genitals out through my wallet." (Thanks to Robin Williams for that) You keep doing what makes you happy and to hell with any other person who doesn't like it. You live in a FREE country and you have the FREEDOM to do as you wish with yourself. Some of us have shed blood, sweat and/or tears to make it that way. You go and you do and make you happy...the person in the mirror is the only person whose opinion you need to worry about.

Kris...

PS Did I mention you had guts? The photo you posted a couple blogs back is very hot and it took great pride in your own self satisfaction to live it, to write about it, and then to offer up for the world to see, well at least the AdultFriendFinder Blog World, proof of it.


rm_chislut replies on 7/11/2006 11:25 am:
Oooh! Pink clouds! Pink is my favorite color.

I *know* it's bizarre that their comments bother me. *That's* what worries me about me psychologically, not my activities of late!

Glad you liked the pic and, hopefully, the story. Before I went and DID the GB, I tried to find stories online of others who had been in one and couldn't. And I'm a pretty good searcher, btw! It's the librarian thing. Anyway, so now there's at least one real person's point of view out there. I'm NOT ashamed of it. Which is not to say that I'd show that photo to my mother or anything. Some have suggested that if I wouldn't tell my family about it that it must be something I'm hiding and need help with. Mmmm... I think sharing with strangers and close friends is good enough. Ack, I'm starting another post here in this response! Let me just ask how many people have told their parents/family *details* about their sex lives --- favorite positions, how many partners, most risque location, etc?

The only reason I haven't posted MORE pictures is because I don't know how to keep them from being stolen and placed in the wrong context.

absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
7/11/2006 10:37 am

The world is full of choices. You're an adult and you get to choose what you like. I do not think that you are a sex addict, I think you're just exploring things to see what you couldn't live without, know what I mean? Some people make a list of things they want to do before they die, I don't know if you do or not. I think that the people that do make the list may often find that they try one thing on it and love it so much that they kinda put the list aside for a bit. I would be nervous with so many men in the room. I would feel surrounded and helpless and perhaps that's part of the turn on for you. I could never do it, or at least at this point in my life I don't crave a gang bang. I applaude you for being brave enough and having the smarts enough to know exactly what you want and for going for it. I think that perhaps the other people writing to you, well some of them are genuinely concerned about your wellbeing. Please don't be too hard on them. They just don't get it, they don't understand. I just wish that I had some, just a small portion of your moxie. I just love your KMA attitude, but I also know that inside that is the softer more tender you who has been hurt by these inconsiderate people's words. Just keep being you, some of us will just keep right on luvin ya and the others can KMA too! Mac


rm_chislut replies on 7/11/2006 11:31 am:
Actually, I never felt helpless at all. It wasn't at all like a frenzy or anything. But, I guess for a lot of people, picturing it as rather serene isn't too exciting!

I absolutely agree that the others ARE genuinely concerned. And I don't wish to be hard on them for that. I thought that one of them at least respected me, though, and to find out that I was wrong about that hurt enough that I *wanted* to lash out back at him. I really REALLY hate being thought of as ignorant or unintelligent, so being told that I am got me riled up.

And, btw, Mac... only VERY *special* people get to K *MY* A!

sfbliss06 38F
11 posts
7/11/2006 11:02 am

Don't worry about what losers think, hon. There's nothing to be gained by arguing with stupid people (and there's certainly no shortage of them here on AdultFriendFinder, unfortunately).

Oh, and the sex in front of the mirror thing? Way fun. Go for it.


rm_chislut replies on 7/12/2006 1:29 pm:
But it's SO hard to keep from responding sometimes, isn't it? **sigh**

I'm not sure I'm ready for the mirror yet. It's one thing to see photos or video. It's another to see my tummy jiggling along with my breasts WHILE it's happening! LOL!

hardnready0630 38M

7/11/2006 1:27 pm

what you do with your self is your business, by the way if youre up for another and in my area let me know.


rm_dnn1858 58F

7/11/2006 2:33 pm

I am proud of you for setting the record straight. Gangbang has been one of my favorite fantasies for years. ( I will get there someday). I am now exploring other aspects of my sexuality and cannot believe how judgemental people can be. I decided long ago that I will NOT look back someday and say "I wish I had done that when I had the chance" Go for it !


rm_chislut replies on 7/12/2006 1:31 pm:
Thanks. You've stated exactly how I feel about what I've been doing. Except in A LOT fewer words!!

Discreet2enjoy 45M
30 posts
7/11/2006 5:59 pm

Chi!
Sounds to me like you write down what's on your mind. Unfortunately, that scares some of the people. Hey, just think if everybody thought the same way, life would not be as exciting. Play safe & keep posting your thoughts (Intelligence + a killer body, what a concept).
Later,
discreet2enjoy


aim2please502 32M

7/11/2006 7:12 pm

just have fun sexy, anything u do and makes u happy then it shouldnt matter to anyone else just brushen off i bet those same people keep coming back and checking u out and reading your stuff so u keep them interested, but id love to be involved in anything that involves u? so hit me up if your ever interested.


rm_chislut replies on 7/12/2006 1:33 pm:
LOL! I'm definitely getting too old... I know that someone's too young for me when they use the phrase "hit me up."

Yeah, this response has nothing to do with the original post. Oh well.


lookn4hed 52M
3 posts
7/31/2006 8:48 pm

Chi,

To me, it kind of falls into people that cross dress to get turned on. They don't go out to the ball game in a dress, otherwise ladies day at the ole ball game would be to crowded and the ball parks would not make any money. No I am not a CD, nor could I care who is; it is just another sexual turn on for some people. From what I understand, it does not make them gay either. NO I AM NOT A CD, or gay, not that there is anything wrong with that , for some people. LOL

Take care and keep on writing.


rm_jus24u2 40M/F

8/12/2006 8:11 am

A buddy of mine told me bout this sight. I am a real guy that has a guy friend that wants to try a threesome witha girl. First we need to find a cool laid back girl that is intrested in this. Yes, we live in the st.charles area and wish for a discreet encounter to see what it would be like.Im 29 6'3 205lbs Jordan and Johnny is 20 6'0 185lbs! Jordan is hung well and im better then average. We are totally straight but would luv nuttin more then playing with a hott sexy young lady by going out and partying and then taking her back for a wyld and crazy safe fun time. We recently had an experience with a girl in a movie theater, where she sat between us and one thing lead to another and before long she was stroking both our cocks while we took turns fingering her. We talked about it, thought it was super hot and want to try more. We are young men that are open to trying almost ne thing, but more then ne thing we wish to have a girl between us while we do much much more (lol). We are both dominant males for the most part, but can play ne role. We are very considerate and discreet, but we are not shy! We are a couple of guys you would love to be seen with and show off. We are a couple of guys that you could meet with the mind set of more happening later, but to the eye watching us or other people around us, they would think we are just some good friends hanging out. I have y ahoo which is highrevz1 for my screen name and also my email. WOuld love to first chat then see what happens. I have more pics of me and a cam to prove we are real. So hope to hear from you!


rm_chislut replies on 8/16/2006 9:31 am:
If you are part of two guys then why are you posting from a MF couple's profile?

Do you *really* not know how to spell the word "any"??? Or "site"?

getenpersinal 36M
1421 posts
11/27/2006 7:27 am

"I doubt that any of the people who have contacted me will even bother to read this. They've all declared that my "denial" that I'm in trouble is "proof" that I *am* in trouble. Kind of a catch-22."
·
·
"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence," one way or another.
I know, having been subjected as a class in HS, to the weekly daytime AA meeting, that although they all had been addicts, it would be easy for an idiot to be sure they were addicted to something. The fact that they call(ed) themselves addicts after being "clean" or X-"free" was just to remind themselves or where most of Their problems came from.
But there are so many other addictions that don't even rely on enjoying yourself very much. So really good blog.

Freedy Johnston: "I know I got a Bad Reputation, and it isn't just"savetheplanet


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