blue  

rm_chanda69 47F
648 posts
6/27/2006 9:33 pm

Last Read:
10/19/2008 10:56 pm

blue


i often associate colors with moods. this evening i have shifted around from a drab periwinkle; just no energy, want to sit around & sigh kind of color, to a roiling dark navy/steel blue mix; ready to rip off the head of a pro wrestler & shit down his neck, to now.

a gray dawn.

i got to thinking about L.G. tonight. if you don't know who that is, read a few pages back. also, my first post was about him, although he wasn't named in it. i don't really expect many comments from "the regulars" either, i just need to talk about him.
we haven't talked in a month, & its killing me. my brother rented a room from him for several months recently, & things got to where every time we talked, it was a solid bitch session about what he was doing that drove L.G. crazy. things came to a head, i couldn't take feeling in the middle anymore & after he got rude on the phone, i told him what i thought in an email. bro has since moved out (they straightened things out before he left) & they still talk regularly now. i sent another email saying i wasn't going to retract what i said, but that i missed him & hoped he would respond. he hasn't.
so now, after sending him a last email saying that it would be the last, i feel caught. after the abusive history with men that ive survived, it was a major milestone for me to be able to stand up for myself in a civilized fashion & say i wont be treated that way. (NEVER had a problem cussin fightin & generally "gettin red" when i didn't like something.) so if i apologize, I'm pretty sure he would relent, but then i cheat myself. & if i don't.... well he is as stubborn as i am, or more so, so this may be the end. I'm not sure how i feel about it, & its worth. a few weeks ago if he had called me & said "I'm moving to NC & you're getting branded" i would have been making space & calling around for bod. mod. shops. the idea of never having him in my life again is so foreign, i just don't know.....

hes just been a part of my life for so long! there's not much sexual i haven't done with (or talked about it with) him. i was thinking about a couple i got a message from on here earlier, & started imagining the 4 of us together.

i feel really empty right now, so I'm gonna go. probably wont post for a few days- real life strikes again! but i will check in & say hi.

later!

XXXOOOXXX chanda

XXXOOOXXXchanda


OcelotScratch 48M
286 posts
6/27/2006 10:52 pm

Good luck. I'm kind of in that position, too, though we do talk a couple of times a week.


Flloyd 46M/42F

6/28/2006 7:44 am

If you feel you are right hold your ground.Things have a way of working themselves out.We hope it works well for you and will be thinking of you.


rm_chanda69 47F
418 posts
6/28/2006 5:23 pm

ocelot--- hope your situation turns out better than mine is so far!! at least you talk....

floyd... i know im right, but being right dosnt make it easy. im holding my ground... thanks!!

OX ........ that which does not kill us... i'll be the strongest sub in the world.....snuggles in at your side on the couch....

its a good thing to have friends

XXXOOOXXX chanda

XXXOOOXXXchanda


PeensChubsTabby 54M
30 posts
6/28/2006 8:37 pm

Chanda, Where is you at???? I hope you're feeling better. You haven't run out of pills have you? Just askin and wondering if that could be a contributing factor. I think I have 2 of those percocet 15s in a shirt pocket somewhere. I did have 3. Tried one a couple of weeks ago, not exactly as prescribed, nasty. Another thing that helps, for me, at least temporarily is sex. You're there. I'm here. Thats out. That leaves a bedtime story. That I can do.
I made it with a girl once when I had the knee in a full hip to toe cast. I had a bottle of George Dickel and a $30 an oz bag of reefer. I picked her up in town. (I saw her Monday. She is still hot as hell. A prudish bitch but still hot) Straight to the woods and in the front seat of a Dodge Dart Swinger.(aptly named) Remember them. 318 motor, vinyl roof,(with a tear down the middle from a barb wire fence I took out one night) custom Craigg Powerplay 8 track with big speakers in the back window. $5 of gas and 4 $5 dolar recaps. Damn inflation to hell and back. Damn the bloody fanatics in the world too

I hadn't thought about the fence for a while. Lets see. I was 17 and it was HS basketball night. I wasn't playing so the year of the knee so Senior. I had to drive my puritan(never touched alcohol to her lips as of today) sister (freshman) and her best friend(sophomore cutie tiny girl with huge tits and a wild streak) to the game with me. We dropped my sister off and hit the woods with another bottle of George Dickel and a 35 dollar an ounce bag Columbian Gold. On the way back we hit an ice patch, through the fence and over the bank. The ballgame was ending so the whole world (as I knew it then) rode by. Got pulled out and was driving away as the HP arrived......

Another BB night same year I hooked up with....(I swear to God I just remembered. She lives in Waynesville now) a very wild girl I liked. Very cool girl. You'd like her. You may know her. Hell you may be her come to think of it. Judging From your pic. Just happened to have a bottle of George Dickel maybe the same bag of pot The Law pulls out behind us as we leave the school. Calmly we hit the back roads, make a series of turns, lose sight of the cops pass by my driveway(she said we should pull in for a while, I tell her no), take the next dirt road, get a drink, light the joint, fill the car with smoke just in time for the cops, headlights off and bluelights very suddenly, to nearly rearend us. Remember. The dart has a 318. Sheriffs cars not much more. A dirt road. My home turf. The Duke boys would have been proud. Clean decisive getaway. However, did I mention this part, the cops saw us get in the car and thought someone was stealing it from my Dad which is why they followed in the first place. The next morning, Dad, me, the sheriff, and pursuing deputy are having a nice friendly discussion. along the lines of speeding, failure to stop for a blue light, failure to stop for a stop sign, reckless driving, How fast was he going occifer? I don't know I was afraid to look away from the road(translation i burned his ass) etc....aaaaa

My next Alicia story a year later, I'm home from college for the summer, there a live band somwhere under Mt Mitchell, and I do my manly duty of getting Alicia to ride with me from town, allowing my buddy Travis to have his girl alone to drive to the dance. Hmmmm. By chance I had a bottle of George Dickel and coincidentally $40 dollar oz bag of pot. That evening ended with me dropping her off about a hundred yards from her driveway, made her swear if her daddy caught her she wouldn't say it was me. Driving into the Church for Sunday school the next day my sis(evil eye on force 10) Alicia(looking very sick) and Travis's girl(looking fucked half to death, god made up for his looks with a TBall bat), Travis and my buddies laughing their asses off at me. Shes divorced now, 3 kids, looking just as damn good as ever and wants to move back here. By chance I stopped to see her Mom at Easter and, I'll be damned she was there. She told me and I quote "The biggest thing holding me back is I don't know if I can afford a house" knowing damn well I have a new 3000 ft living space and full basement house that the ex will be vacating very soon. Shes coming next week. What do you think? A bottle of George Dickel and a $250 dollar an oz bag of pot?

Or, being as this story started with a girl feeling blue, and a broken knee what if I came over to your house.....Well I had a bottle of George Dickel and bag of pot....and.....

I'll save the three episode.....well no George in any of these but "Damn we've just set the car seat on fire" smoking pot stories and the "Do you think we just sideswiped that guy sitting at the redlight while we were doing 80 and still managed to hit the opposite curb, flattening both tires on that side. That was a double feature, double vision, double bottle double bag and did I just chase that George Dickel with bong water, and yes I did intentionally bump that guys bumper(next redlight) and yes I did just bust him in the mouth" story. Maybe we did get a little overboard that night. And one of my favorites, my cousin to me about 12 midnight on HWY 40. Hes been asleep for 3 hours or so. "How fast are you going? "80" Have you drunk that whole bottle of..and yes,,,it was. All but the 3 sips you had....and by the way, I'm driving with my knees. I haven't touched the steering wheel with my hands for 180 miles.....I hadn't either.....(FROM THE MEMOIRS OF A 16 YEAR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BUS DRIVER)
Sweet dreams little darling


rm_chanda69 47F
418 posts
6/29/2006 6:04 am

buck- thanks for the stories & giggles... some of those stories sound familiar... only mine were involving jim beam. didnt grow up around here so it wasnt me--- but its probably a good thing- from the sound of it, we would have gotten each other in a lot of trouble!!!

still got some darvocet & lortabs.... & as for my "herbal supplements"-- im getting a new shipment delivered "right to my door" today!!

HUGS!!

XXXOOOXXX chanda

XXXOOOXXXchanda


rm_chanda69 47F
418 posts
6/29/2006 6:07 am

    Quoting rm_Ox612:
    ...and my arm would go around you, Chanda, and give you a safe space, with a warm connection.



    Be well.

    Ox.

snuggling in ....purring.....
thank you OX

XXXOOOXX chanda

XXXOOOXXXchanda


rm_chanda69 47F
418 posts
6/29/2006 6:10 am

    Quoting spunky11961:
    Damn, Chanda! I really feel for ya! No advice or anythin'...Just wanted to let ya know...My heart felt wishes that somehow things will work out for ya!
    ~spunky
just seeing you here is a help! give the ducks a doughnut for me! lol!

XXXOOOXXX chanda

XXXOOOXXXchanda


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