I Can't Get No Satisfaction  

rm_cele2flowers 42F
118 posts
8/11/2005 12:50 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

Lately I've been wondering if men today are the same as what I've read of men from 20 or 30 years ago when women became more open about enjoying sex. What I've read is that most men didn't feel like they had satisfied their partner unless their partner had at least one orgasm during any kind of sex act (like oral, mutual masturbation, intercourse, etc.). I have a feeling that there are still men out there that feel this way, that they don't feel they've succeeded by making their partner orgasm at some point during each sexual encounter. Also that women aren't satisfied in sex without having at least one orgasm. Isn't that just putting a lot of pressure on everyone to get that one orgasm out there so that everyone can just sit back and enjoy the ride (so to speak) the rest of the way? I'm here to say that this is not the case whatsoever.

While having an orgasm (or multiples) is extremely pleasurable, there are times when women don't feel the need to have one. You're probably asking yourself “Why not? Isn't that the point of sex??” Granted, this is a feeling usually reserved more for a married woman or one that is in a long-haul relationship, there are some of us out here in the single scene that enjoy this feeling also. What feeling is this that I'm talking about? Just the feeling of having another naked body against you, having your lover's hard cock inside of you stroking in and out and feeling a wave of satisfaction wash over you at the feeling of being so intimate with another person.

I have thought that this assumption that is made by men (and some women also), is the cause for a lot of sexual disfunctions. Granted, physical health reasons are viable contribution to it, but so much of disfunction is more psychological than physical. From personal experience, I've delt with pre-mature ejaculators and impotence. Sure, these can be solved by either doing a lot of exercises and practice or by taking a Vitamin V, I believe some of these problems would be relieved if men did not have the pressure on them to perform. The pressure to show they're great lovers and they can make a woman cum starts to work against them, keeping them from getting hard or to even last more than a few seconds. Then when the woman doesn't cum, the man walks away seeing himself as a failure. Women don't help matters when they fake the orgasm to appease their partner's ego either.

In the end, it all comes down to being honest, being real with each other. Also, being accepting of the fact that your partner enjoys the sexual act, but isn't able to reach orgasm every single time. To be honest, men, some women can't orgasm because they feel pressured to make it happen also. So let's take the pressure off each other and ourselves, then sit back and enjoy the ride.

DallasPhallus56 60M

8/11/2005 5:38 pm

I have been with women who didn't orgasm all the time, but those were long-term relationships. I believed those women when they said that being close was enough, and I generally made it up to them the next time. Even with my current lovers, there is wide variability in their response. Alice generally cums at least a dozen times, but there have been times when she was pushing it to get one decent orgasm. Elaine hasn't had any trouble getting multiples so far, but that could happen.

There is a certain "pressure to perform" on us men, but it never seems to have caused me a problem. I genuinely like women, and I do my best to take care of them with both sex and affection.


8/11/2005 9:11 pm

Wow, that was pretty deep cele. Never thought about it that way, I've always tried for atleast one orgasm every time, no matter if it involved alot of oral or not. I can see how the psycological factor of just having sex can be satifying. After sitting back and thinking about it, sometimes just being close to someone is nice, watching a movie while being close, that's a good example.
Anyhew, I do have a question for you though, are you always this passionate and intellectual? It's not something that I've found in either men or women lately. It's just the same old fast-pace lifestyle. But conversations like this is what make you sit down by the river and watch the sunset, just thinking about things. I'd love to have more of these conversations popup. I'll be watching your blog more often.
Have a great nite.

rm_cele2flowers 42F
75 posts
8/11/2005 10:54 pm

I don't think I'm always this passionate and intellectual, but I have a lot of time to meditate on things, usually while working or driving, mundane things that don't take a whole lot of brain work to begin with. I also do a lot of reading, mostly focussing on relationships and sex (technique, dysfunction, psychological factors, etc.) and reading things like that tend to make me start doing some deeper thinking.

AltumHunksUnite 53M

8/12/2005 8:13 am

This isn't the first time I've heard a woman say that the act of being close to someone skin-on-skin was enough to satisfy her.

Although I have one friend who loves sex but never had an orgasm until last year, and then she became a frickin' sex maniac.

Let me drive. I like the view


8/14/2005 10:51 am

Unfortunatly, I haven't found a lot of folks lately who are comfortable just discussing sexuality, and I don't mean geeting laid. Don't get me wrong, that is good, but sometimes those conversations can get pretty childish. You seem like a very intelligent and observant woman Cele, and I would love to talk more about this kinda stuff. Besides, you do bring up an interesting question, if some women do agree with your example, then why do some women fake it? I mean, as long as I know that my partner is satified, but all I hear from the women I've been around is an orgasm is a must, so it puts some pressure on men to bring that orgasm about, even to the point of a woman faking it just to make her partner satisfied.
Hmm, very interesting, I'm gonna have to think about this more. I love a good intellectual conversation, it is kinda releiving.
So guys, you read the topic, and have spoken of friends, but what are your opinions?

Thanks cele!

stammig79 37M

8/15/2005 2:17 pm

I guess I feel inadequte if I don't get a woman to orgasm. I just don't feel as though she's enjoyed herself unless she's had one. It doesn't have to be a peircing cry of joy the people in the next city can hear, but I feel they have to have one. I useually try to get her off during foreplay, or at least before intercourse. Then if she comes again, great. If not, well I would have prefered to give her another but that's just the way it happens some times.

I think women fake it in order to give the man the satisfaction. He won't feel as bad that way.

A woman trying to hard to orgasm won't acheive it, most times. Knowing that just being together is enough does relieve a lot of pressure. There isn't as much pressure on either person that way.

rm_cele2flowers 42F
75 posts
8/15/2005 5:44 pm

Why do women fake it? That's a good question. I think part of it is the communication thing. It always boils down to that. I think women are afraid to damage the fragile male ego and risk rejection by not having an orgasm (real or fake). I think for some women there is a requirement for an orgasm every single time, though it seems that in itself puts pressure on all the players involved. I always figured sex was just enjoying each other's body's with the orgasm as the added bonus (or bonuses!).

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