First Date Tips  

rm_cele2flowers 42F
118 posts
8/15/2005 10:02 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

First Date Tips

In honor of a first "date" I had with someone over the weekend and the fact that it went so well, I'm going to post an article I wrote on first dates. I'm going to admit to being lazy and say that this is something I wrote a few months back for another blog that I hardly ever visit anymore. Be warned, more posts from there may be seen here! (Just because it'd be nice to have them all in one spot.)

I have a few tips on what to do when meeting someone you've talked to only on the internet. After meeting a lot of people from there in the past 12 years, I think I can be an authority on this.

1. Wear old clothes. Make sure there is a stain and/or a visible hole in it, especially around the armpits. This will really attract the opposite sex and you'll be beating them back with a stick. Also, try to make sure the shirt is wearing thin and is a couple sizes too small.

2. Monopolize the conversation. Be sure to tell them your life story from the moment of your birth until right now. The other person really doesn't want to talk. Make sure to tease them a little bit by asking them questions from time to time, but interrupt them when they try to answer.

3. On the opposite end of the spectrum, don't talk very much or laugh at jokes. Women talk only to hear themselves talk and don't really enjoy conversation with the opposite sex.

4. Put a wad of chewing tobacco in your mouth before you meet. While talking to the person, spit frequently on the ground or into a clear spit cup. Women really like seeing this and become incredibly turned on by it if you're not careful.

5. Make rude or crass remarks. Refer to women's body parts in the crudest way possible. Ask if you can feel them up. Or, better yet, don't ask, just go ahead and touch them anywhere you want.

6. Expect sex of somekind if you buy dinner. Sex is almost required as payment if you buy dinner. If they get something a little more expensive off the menu, they are obligated to do something more adventurous later in the evening. If you don't get any sex that night, never talk to the person again, even if you're guarenteed sex at a later time.

7. Don't show up. Countless marriages and extraordinary sex encounters have come from stood up dates. It builds anticipation and will guarentee you a second date. When asked why you stood them up, use the lamest excuse you can think of. They will believe you and will be beating down your door for another opportunity.

By using these tips you are guarenteed to have a night to remember.

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
8/15/2005 10:26 pm

Thanks for posting this, ma'am.

It may not be brand new but it'll still be useful for me - after all, I've met a whole load of people off the Internet and I have never followed even one of your rules. Sheesh, what a sap I must have seemed!

AtomicKisss 58M

8/16/2005 1:04 am

Yip, I can vouch for your advise. That last gal was all over me when I got something out of my pocket and my crack pipe fell to the floor.

sessomaru 33M
2 posts
8/16/2005 1:32 am

fuck you

methodman1000 40M
1775 posts
8/16/2005 2:30 am

have you tried any of your tips???????????(lol)

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
8/16/2005 5:11 am

I'm still surprised, shocked, and horrified when I read these tales of bad dates. My fav in your list... #4.

But... isn't there some clue that the guy is retarded prior to the date?

rm_cele2flowers 42F
75 posts
8/16/2005 7:27 am

Actually, I've never tried any of these tips, but a lot of the people I've met have done at least one of these things.

DallasPhallus56 60M

8/16/2005 10:05 am

You need to give sessomaru points for the most creative response. Was he one of the guys you dated?

I think we need this from the male perspective too, but I don't have the testicular fortitude to do it, since that would probably end my sex life. However, I have been on dates from hell.

drgnbear 47M
1 post
8/16/2005 1:35 pm

lets see.

I can identify #1, 3, 4 and 7
and probably can figure out the rest

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