Sunrise... Sunset  

rm_bucfannn 61M/60F
1805 posts
4/23/2006 10:57 pm

Last Read:
5/18/2011 7:42 pm

Sunrise... Sunset

It begins with the whisper of dawn. The slight tease of sunrise breaks through the darkness, signaling the beginning of a new day.

For most, it's a revelation of sorts; a rebirth.

For others, it pulls them deeper into the depths of despair. The depths of despair from which there is no escape. No ladders to allow them to climb out of the pit. No life preserver to keep them afloat. No magic medications to help heal. No words to mentally slap them into reality.


One word. One ugly word.

For those caught in it's vice-like grip, there can be no eluding it. There are the lucky ones, however, that can pull themselves up, and learn to live with the darkness. To live within the shadows, yet being able to see that small sliver of light just beyond the horizon.

But, for those that cannot live within the realms of obscurity, there is only one escape.

In the hour or so before today's dawn, a harvest was completed. A harvest which brought untold joy to some, yet brought pain to others.

A human harvest.

The ultimate sacrifice. A decision not made lightly, but made with the hopes of keeping a spirit alive.

Alive in someone else's body.

A 46 year old man died before dawn today. A 46 year old man, who couldn't live another day in the darkness. A 46 year old man who decided that eternal sleep was much easier than living on this earth - in pain.

For all intents and purposes, his life ended before he arrived at the Emergency Room. His brain stopped functioning after breathing in a lethal dose of carbon monoxide. What caused him to end his life in such a manner? No one will ever know. He left no note. Didn't leave last wishes. At that moment in time, no one else existed except him. No reasoning prevailed. It was all about him. His life. His pain. The supreme decision.

In order to make sense of it all, his family agreed for parts of him to continue on. While a machine kept his heart beating, the few lucky recipients were contacted. Those that had EVERY reason to live. WANTED to live - even in bodies that were failing them. How ironic for them to receive the gift of life from a man who decided just the day before, that his life was just not that precious to him.

Today, his family weeps. Today, another family rejoices. A paradox.

rm_LoyalCumpany 46M
3204 posts
4/24/2006 1:11 am

Depression is ugly, you're right. Anything can set it off, or nothing. And it happens to a lot of people, you just may not realize they are afflicted.

One's own mind can be a shitty place to live in sometimes.

(Sorry to curse on your blog, buc. Just felt right)

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:34 pm:
it can be, that's for sure. I couldn't imagine being in that shitty place day after day though...

and, tis ok... you can cuss in here I'm easy

tut1117 72M  
452 posts
4/24/2006 2:11 am

And see you would not be able to bring that story to us had you not work on the weekend, so there was reason you were to work besides just being on the schedule. Depression is a dreadful disease not only for those that have it but for those who interact with them. Some do seek help, while others have the world on their shoulders and can't see the forest for the trees.

Oh well, let us rejoice in the fact the next of kin provided a new beginning to those lucky receiptants.


rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:33 pm:
Well, I agree with that. There WAS a reason I was there at work that day, (besides the schedule).

Kinda cool to have people go... "hmmmmmmmmm"

rm_jami95 66M
69 posts
4/24/2006 3:25 am

A mind at odds with ones self. An all consuming depression most will be fortunate to never experience. An agony painful to watch another go through, waiting for the ultimate day of reckoning, the moment that the darkness prevails. Hoping that the sole will be set free from the pain that consumes their every thought. He is free now, from a living hell we will hopefully never experience.

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:32 pm:
Yes babe... and you do know of what you speak...


fantasylover_05 62M

4/24/2006 5:11 am

A paradox indeed....

without the loss of one.... another would not be restored.....

Depression is indeed an insideous disease and can destroy so many lives... either in total as in this story or on a day to day basis... I have a brother that has suffered with depression most of his life..........

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:31 pm:
That's the only thing positive that came out of this tragedy...

Support your brother... that's all you can do


rm_JohnMacLaine 50M
585 posts
4/24/2006 5:55 am

Thank you for this story hun, it sould be noted that everyone goes through some type of depression at least once in their life. I have battled with it constantly all of my life. I would not go so far as to off myself as a result, as I am intelligent enough to realize that I have plenty of reasons to live for, mainly, of course, the little boy that sleeps in the next room. He is my sole reason for sticking around this god-forsaken world, not to mention all fof the beautiful women I have yet to meet

hope you have a good day *warm hugs*


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:30 pm:

Hang in there, sweetheart

toothysmile 50M
16514 posts
4/24/2006 5:57 am

Very touching...
great post, thanks.

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:29 pm:
Thank you, sweets

A tad morose, but, I needed to get it out...

peaches19555 61M

4/24/2006 9:48 am

It is hard to understand why some become so lost. As indigo poured on obsidian the edges that define them become obscure. Life's joy leaks away. Until they are like a faint image in borrowed light, all brillance gone,....these shadows in moonshine.

Your post was very moving.

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:28 pm:
Thank you, darlin'

And your response was just as moving...

rm_ohsolustful 58M
859 posts
4/25/2006 11:54 am moment you have me in a severe state of lust, the next deep in serious thought....Your quite a Woman...Thanks for sharing...

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/25/2006 9:27 pm:
I'm sorry, sweets... I didn't mean to write so darkly. But, this was so poignant, I needed to write it down.

I promise, it will be a while before I do anything like this again

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
4/30/2006 8:08 pm

I've been there a few times, finally found a treatment plan that works. This is not to advocate censureship, but had I read this during one of those times, it would have encouraged me to "jump".

For me, the worst part of deep depression is the self-loathing. "I'm worthless and in profound pain alive, I'm at peace and have value to others dead."

rm_bucfannn replies on 4/30/2006 8:45 pm:
I'm sorry. 'Twas not my intent to make the darkness seem inviting...


rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
5/1/2006 5:14 am

No worries, I'm good now. And I'm now suggesting you shouldn't have posted this; just putting my own take on it.

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