If they had opposable thumbs...  

rm_bucfannn 61M/60F
1805 posts
8/16/2006 9:45 am

Last Read:
4/29/2009 10:54 am

If they had opposable thumbs...

... I'd be screwed...


Gotta love 'em. Kills me when someone says:

"I don't like cats, they are so sneaky."

Sneaky? You've got to be kidding me. Just because they can "do the stealth"? Cripes. It's the way they evolved. They need to be able to approach prey quietly, AND without being seen until the last minute. That's not sneaky. That's surviving. And, if anyone in my house is sneaky, it's my beagle. He can snatch something he's not supposed to have, in the blink of an eye, and take off with it. He is GREAT at stealthing. Even better than the cats. That's why his name is Vinnie the Sneak. But, I'm not talking about my rotten beagle in this post...

House cats are no different in that respect, from their wild cousins. They pounce, stalk, etc. Thankfully, I'm not USUALLY their target. They go after each other, and the dogs. Cat play is very very intense, and also very fun to watch.

So today, I take six, (yes SIX), of the brats on a road trip to Brooksville, which is about a fifty-five minute or so drive from here. Time for rabies shots. Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I drive so far. First of all... it's a low cost spay/neuter facility. But, they also do shots. And, at five bucks a shot, it's well worth it. Plus, they get a "mini-exam". My critters have a regular vet, but, for yearly rabies, it's just more proactive financially, to go to Brooksville. Even with gas what it is. At my regular vet, they charge $12. for a rabies shot. And, $35. for an office call. Do the math.

I put four of the monsters in a large dog crate, and my two big males, (each goes about 18 lbs), in soft sided carriers. We leave without a hitch. A few short meows of protest for a couple of miles, but, then they all settled down.


I get on the Suncoast Parkway. It's a toll road, but the speed limit is 70mph. We're moving along, and I hear the sound of a zipper. Uh oh. All of a sudden, an 18 lb, (and very unhappy, I might add), feline is sitting on top of the passenger seat. AND, he's passing gas. Oh swell. A farting cat is not a good thing. And, before I could pull of the side of the road, he let his bowels go. All over me. All over the large crate. All over the side of the seat of the car. I started gagging.

The smell of cat shit is unpleasant to say the least, when cleaning out litter boxes, but, imagine the smell in my car... my LITTLE car. And, to top it off, I was probably ten miles from my destination. So, I wasn't about to turn around. Oh no. Not me.

I pulled off on the shoulder. Got the water I ALWAYS carry, and a towel. Cleaned up as best as I could, given the circumstances, and resumed driving. Thank God for the Febreze I always have with me, too...

Get to the clinic. I bring in the two boys, first. Then the large carrier. And, guess what? I missed a few spots of shit. So now, the whole dang place smells like cat shit. Great. I like making a grand entrance at times, but, this takes the proverbial cake.

I'm handed paper towels and cleaning stuff, and I get busy. Thought I got it all this time. But still, the pungent odor remained. Sigh. I'm sure I'll be talked about for days...

The paperwork is filled out, and finally they are taken back to get stabbed. After a while, a tech comes out and motions to me to come with her. She said I needed to clean out the two soft-sided carriers AND the boys, before the vet would vaccinate them. My BIG BAD MALES had shit themselves. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!

Taking them in the bathroom, they both got impromtu baths, and I scrubbed the carriers. And, I swear, as God is my witness, they had SMIRKS on their faces. Yep. As if to say, "see, ma? see what happens when we get really upset??"

The creeps.

Thoroughly embarrassed beyond belief, I couldn't WAIT to get the hell out of there. Thank goodness I don't have to go back for a year. Maybe they will forget me... and the smell...

and the pic to the left is Konnor, (the mad shitter), with Drew. Both made the trek today... (Konnor was about 8 mos old in that pic. Trust me, he's MUCH bigger... )

Xeryien 51M
1445 posts
8/16/2006 11:14 am

I just can't help but laughing my ass off...

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/16/2006 1:19 pm:
Yeah, laugh it up. Maybe a road trip is in order to a town near Tampa, eh?

mygmyg 59M

8/16/2006 11:14 am

Not much to say, sorry for the experience of the DAY!!

Pets can be so "Smirky", they seem to be so openly communicating their displeasure through action and then top it off with the LQQK!!

A great big hug, .... Ooooooooh, what is that ....... just kidding!!!

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/16/2006 1:20 pm:
You wouldn't give me a hug with poop on my top and jeans???

Hmmmmmmmmmmmpfffffffffff... some friend you are....

rm_jami95 66M
69 posts
8/16/2006 11:31 am

I always love your cat tales . . . . .LOLOLOLOL

The only picture on the left looks suspiciously like you . . . .

P.S. . . . Boomer says Hi! . . . .well not exactly but I am sure that's what he meant . . . .

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/16/2006 1:21 pm:
A.F.F. keeps dinking with my pic there. I put the monsters pic up AGAIN, for the third time...

Tell Boomer if he needs shots, his dad can take him. I'm worn out

HeardLankaMalls 55M
2925 posts
8/16/2006 12:16 pm

Sounds like a VERY interesting trip Fann

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/16/2006 1:22 pm:
Interesting and odoriferous, C. Was fun.... uh, well, it could have been more fun..........

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
8/16/2006 3:04 pm

ah, yes... my cats don't like to travel either... and to think that one of them crossed the atlantic with me...
and yes, there have been many embarassing moments with vets...

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/16/2006 8:00 pm:
Heh. Can you even imagine yours doing what Konnor did in an AIRPLANE? EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Im glad I have another 12 months before we make the trek again...

*kisses back*

brute472 74M
3480 posts
8/16/2006 5:00 pm

OK what an horrendous trip, now that it is all over I'm sure you can see a smidgen of humour in it.
By the way I ahve a beagle his name is Jazz and he just likes to get on a scent and off he goes.

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/16/2006 8:01 pm:
Oh yeah, it's funny now. But, at 9:30 in the morning, I was not amused

Beagles are cool dogs. Loud, but very loving.

justreal4real 59F

8/16/2006 8:05 pm

LOL I'm sorry...it's too funny to not laugh!

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/16/2006 8:39 pm:
Hey, I can laugh about it now. But, dang. This morning? Not a chance. Good thing I love these monsters. Funny thing though... I still smell shit... its permeated my brain cells, I think...

tut1117 72M  
452 posts
8/18/2006 5:49 pm

hey bucfannn, sorry 'bout your luck, I remember from years ago, kitty litter is no fun, especially in the car with no absorbent. Glad you had a successful trip and yes I did the math, you saved a bundle, especially if he would have charged $35 for each of the six cats, but one $35 and then $12 each would not have been to bad $107 vs $30, without the mess to clean up. Oh well, what ever.

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/23/2006 10:47 am:
Yep, I saved in cash, but, lost it in clean-up. Gee. I'm starting the think someone's out to punish me...

At least I'm not boring...

rm_Kingcat4U2 64M
2799 posts
8/21/2006 7:38 pm

Yeah, the little bastards do smirk, no doubt about it.
If it's any consolation, I have a similar story.
Had a black cat when I was a kid. An asthmatic cat,
none the less. Of course, when I was a kid, pet carriers
were just a figment of someone's imagination.

So, the cat has an attack, I'm holding him in the
back seat of the car while the old man is driving
to the vet. Never in my young imagination could
I envision 10lbs of cat shit coming out of a 12lb cat.
A wheezing, gasping cat, dancing around on my lap
'cause he doesn't want to step in his own crap.

The entire time the old man is screaming at me,
"Don't let that little shit go! I don't want
that crap all over the back seat!" Anyway,
the cat was fine, the vet and my dad laughed
their asses off at me, I got hosed off outside
plus I got to clean the car when we got home.

The cat even turned up his little snooty nose
at me when we got home. I think he thought
he was pretty damn funny!

rm_bucfannn replies on 8/23/2006 10:46 am:
oh shit... (oops)

I about fell off of my chair laughing.

And the "professionals" that say animals CANNOT make facial changes? They need to see my pitbull smile. And, YES, CATS DO SMIRK. The little bastards...

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