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What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common ?
They were originally intended for children but it's the men who play with them the most
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg
Because they won't stop to ask directions.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple doesn't come on your face until you're a teenager
What's the definition of eternity?
The time between when you cum and she leaves
A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69." She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care." They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings. She says, "Answer the door." He says, "But my face is a mess."She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich." He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich." The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
What are the three words men hate to hear during sex ?
"Are you done ?"
What are the three words women hate to hear during sex ?
"Honey, I'm home!"
What do you call a woman who is paralysed from the waist down ?
How can you tell if your wife is dead ?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up
Why were men given larger brains than dogs ?
So they won't hump female legs at cocktail parties.
What's the difference between your wife and your job ?
After 5 years your job still sucks.
What's the best thing about a blow job ?
Ten minutes of silence
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
It changes their blood type.
What do Kodak film have in common with condoms ?
Both capture the moment.
Why is pubic hair always curly ?
Otherwise it'll poke your eyes.
What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.
Why is the penis so depressed ?
His best friends are two nuts who live next to an asshole.
What two things in the air can get a woman pregnant ?
Why do tampons have strings ?
So you can floss after eating.
What's the ultimate rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Which came first ? The chicken or the egg ?
Neither. The rooster came first.
What is the difference between erotic and kinky ?
Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
What do a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them the harder they get.
What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
An epileptic pig!
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
They both capture that special moment
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What has little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
What's the difference between a gynaecologist and a genealogist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree and a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
Beat it - we're closed.
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