Am I married or not...?  

rm_bohica91760 105M
53 posts
7/8/2006 7:22 am

Last Read:
3/27/2010 10:47 pm

Am I married or not...?

I know, sounds like a silly-assed question, but, bear with

I am technically, legally married. However, she ran of
with some druggie in 2002 (apparently it didn.t last long)
cause she had to decide between them or me. The drugs won

She used to call me off and on, but, that slowly petered out
(no pun intended). The last call I got, she asked if I had
room for her if she came back. I said no. I don't think
she liked that answer as that is the last I heard of her.

Anyway, I don't consider myself married. At best,
I would have to say that I was "seperated".

I COULD get a divorce based on the grounds of abandonment
(18 months is considered abandonment in this state). Problem
is that I don't have the several hundred dollars needed
for the process that I can just throw away. Just so that I
am not "married".

What do you think? Am I lying if I list myself as single or
seperated? Maybe I should just list my marital status as "Abandoned".

Just a little update in case anyone thinks I'm too callous. Above I mentioned her calling and wanting to come back. This is NOT the first time I have been asked to "forgive and forget". I have been very forgiving in the past. She has even told her friend (and family members) that I have forgiven WAY more than she had any right to expect. Everyone has limits. I have finally reached mine with her.

geminiwarrior 57F

7/8/2006 7:58 am

Problem is exs or ones we'd like to be exs have a way of coming back to haunt us. I waited 6yrs before I filed for divorce with hindsight I wish I'd done it straight away. I can guarentee as soon as you find a new love and you're feeling settled up comes the things left undone. As soon as you can afford it I'd get that divorce. Besides which legally you might be liable for any debt she incurrs and God forbid you are in an accident she is your next of kin you don't want her making life or death decisions for you.
I'd put separated and explain honestly to anyone who you are starting to get close with what's really going on. it's like why have a catagory for divorced...aren't you just single.

TeddyBaral 53M

7/8/2006 8:37 am

Tough situation all the way around but it sounds like you are coming out the other end in a much better condition.

My brother was in a situation very similar to yours but without the drug involvement on her part (that we know of). Anyway, he was left with 2 very young daughters when she decided to branch out and find herself so money was a big problem. What he did was he used a paralegal to do his seperation and eventual divorce papers. Worked out like a charm and at a very small fraction of the cost of a full lawyer.

If paralegals are available in your state give it a whorl and find out if they can do the job for you. Best of luck Brother.

VCF1962 104F

7/8/2006 8:44 am

The several hundred dollars now, may save you in the long run as Gem says. Why is it so expensive in the US ?

Here, if you can decide between you who gets what and it's agreed with no malice on either side, you can get the paperwork from the court, fill it in yourselves (my stupid ex filled in the paperwork and tried to divorce himself on the grounds of his adultery ! DOH) and post it in the court. There's a hearing that neither has to attend, it goes to Nisi and then Absolute within about 6 months at the most, as long as it's not contested.

He wanted to get married again less than a year after I moved out so I said you want it, you pay for it. It think at the time it was about $100 or so as we needed no solicitors. Maybe with hindsight I would have gotten more out of it than I did, but it was me moving on and I think, from what I've heard since, that I have been a lot happier than he has. No longer my problem.

Mistress Innuendo
Taking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!

catkit13 66F

7/8/2006 9:15 am

if you can't afford a lawyer, check into "divorce clinics" sponsored by most courts - may as well make it legal as soon as possible! i think i'd list "single" and explain the real situation to anyone when and if a relationship develops
good luck to you!

julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
7/8/2006 10:38 am

I think I'd list 'seperated'. If a realationship with someone develops and they wanna know further details, then your free to explain if you wish. As for affordability...check to see if they offer legal aid in your state. Its legal counsel based on your income. Good luck.

rm_bohica91760 105M
28 posts
7/8/2006 4:16 pm

Well, I have done my research on this to an extent. I discussed this with a lawyer, basically to see what my options were like.

Several important points were made:

1. There are no children involved.
2. There is no real property involved.
3. Neither of us will contest it.
4. The fact that she has already been gone that long makes it open and shut.

I was told it's fairly straightforward too.

1. He files the paperwork.
2. They try to find her to serve the paperwork for signing.
3. If she can't be foud to be served within 30 days, it automatically is approved.

The thing that got me was that at the time I was unemployed. He said the costs of filing the paperwork, court fees, etc., would come to something like $267.00. Oh, and HIS fee would be $400.oo!

The thing that really got me was HIS fee. I mean, he just explained how simple it was going to be to do this. So why is he asking roughly 1-1/3 the cost of the procedure, just to file the paperwork?

Been looking for either a differwent lawyer, or to see if there isn't a way to do this myself. Even looked at those do-it-yourself kits in Walmart! LOL!

sexyariesgirl 57F

7/9/2006 7:24 am

I'm not sure which part of the state you live in, but my uncontested divorce was $500.00 total a couple of years ago. Fortunately the ex paid half the it only cost ME $250.00 (plus the $7.00 filing fee). I would check around for less expensive attorneys....maybe there is a new one just starting a business that wouldn't be quite so expensive.

I agree with the other opinion here though....because of possible liability you need to get it done as soon as you can.....GOOD LUCK!

Power To FOK

rm_1dee4u 60F
58 posts
7/27/2006 4:40 pm

Hi. Just read your blogs (2) and the replies to them. First of all, I am so sorry what you have had to go thru. No on should have to put up with the 'druggies' in this world and to have it happen to your closest loved one must've been tough! However, I have to agree with the other posts. You MUST get the divorce, at any cost, just becuz of 'next of kin' stuff/medical/possible death decisions you truly don't want her to make....., etc.

Don't mean to run it into the ground, but yes, separated would be a nice fit for that category.


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