Some recent posts if you want a taste, if not ...bite me  

rm_beefore 46M
3 posts
12/18/2005 10:48 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Some recent posts if you want a taste, if not ...bite me

Sometimes I feel I just can't do it:

I have been trying to get approximately 10 computers out the door mostly for single moms that are without before Christmas. I look at the wall in the office with 50 PC's stacked and wonder when I will find the time to format, load with software, and then download updates, test and get them out. I have more clients to teach than ever before, and the topics are ranging from biology, math, and several different computer software programs. I have 2 web pages to get up before the end of year, and have to work the charity bingo 2 nights a week until 2 am. 4 days a week I have my 3 year old, though my family has helped the last 2 weeks by letting him sleep over 1 night, but now I feel sort of guilty as I haven't done the things I wanted to do with him lately. I have also been playing politics lately seeking support for the program I run and that alone requires hours of writing, contacting, and researching.

Sometimes I just feel like I am going to implode, I will find time to spend with my family and forget all troubles this holiday, but I have a feeling it may only be Christmas eve, and day. I love the holidays, and my family is tight but some of them don't understand why I do what I do when I have such higher immediate earning ability, and I have learned not to try to defend it anymore with those family members. I sound like I am whining, but I really love what I do and know that it is right for my life. Overall the businesses are doing good, the program I run had it's best month, and my partner and I made more money with the business than most months this year. I don't have a lot of what I want, but I have more than I need right now. Comfortable 2 bedroom in a nice neighborhood, happy healthy 3 year old, no boss, a full fridge, all Christmas presents bought and I was able to spoil everyone this year, so don't get me wrong this time last year I wasn't sure if I would have a home in the new year.

I wish I still drank, could use a nice hard shot of whiskey or absinthe

America has lost the War on Terror:

On Bush eavesdropping on Americans.

Bush called the program "crucial to our national security," adding the order had been used more than 30 times since the Sept. 11 terror attacks.

"This authorization is a vital tool in our war against the terrorists. It is critical to saving American lives," he said in a radio address delivered live from the White House's Roosevelt Room.

"The American people expect me to do everything in my power, under our laws and Constitution, to protect them and their civil liberties and that is exactly what I will continue to do as long as I am president of the United States." (msn news report-Bush Radio Address)

So let me get this straight you moron, you're protecting American Civil Liberties by taking away American Civil Liberties. Are you on coke again. Sorry America, but if this is how you are now living, you are no longer a free and democratic nation. The Terrorists have won. Nixon got impeached for similar activities, now it is the American Presidents duty to YOU.

You just never know when:

I was down around Spadina and Bloor the other day doing some shopping. I ran into an ex-client that is approaching his mid 20's. Every once in a while in the addiction field a client wanders in and reminds you of yourself in some ways, and shows promise that makes you lose your detachment a little. Well this guy was one of those clients. He looked like a bag of shit. He was doing that morphine scratch, couldn't keep his tongue still for a second, and was jittery and paranoid. His skin had that addict glow, you know that toxic onset of liver and kidney damage. I grabbed him by the hand and asked him "how's it going? He looked at me and said "good", with the disbelief reserved for a Christian learning upon death the Jews were right. (I have no proof either way).

We decided to grab a coffee, he was visibly disturbed by the fact that other people had the same idea and were also waiting in line, sitting at tables, and counters. He would look left, look right, and try to see behind him, always an impalpable fear on, no more like in his face. At some point I told him that his mother had called my house begging for me to help him, and that I advised her to cut him off. Tell him that she loved him, would always support him, but as long as he is using and not living up to his basic responsibilities while committing crimes that she should just kick his ass out. Asked him if he had looked in a mirror lately and reminded him he lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. I advised him that he looked like a pile of shit as well. I told him that I understood that he is struggling with the fear or emptiness that comes with the change from getting fucked up all the time, to not consuming anything mind altering at all, except for maybe a cup of coffee. Dealing with everyday feelings is not easy for addicts in their first year of recovery, but with the proper actions things can change rapidly. I also discussed the difficulty related to the feelings associated with trying to cut certain people out of your life. Some people are bad for us, our behaviour. They are not the cause, or bad themselves in many cases, but the dynamic between them is such that it contributes to the behaviour that triggers their desire for another high. I reminded him there is also people that will never even seem to know we are gone when we quit. I asked him how many of your friends visited you while you spent time in one of the most appalling jails in the country, wrought with disease and overcrowding.

I ended telling him that if he needed assistance in stopping himself that he should phone me as I will take the call day or night. The only condition I attached is he not give me excuses when that time comes, or he can do it his way, seems to be working for him so far huh???

Questions asked by a fellow blogger:

1. What turns you on?
A strong willed woman, one that challenges what I say, and is passionate about her beliefs whether they agree with mine or not. Okay that and a nice set of hard female nipples

2. What turns you off?
Bigotry in all it's forms

3. What is your favorite word?
Persephone (it just sounds hot)

4. What is your least favorite word?
The N word (Have to agree with Tgirl on this one, it just pisses me off when I hear that word used)

5. What sound or noise do you love?
a woman moaning in ecstacy, not the cheesey porn actress moan, but the deep down I'm going to cum OH GOD HELP ME kind of moan

6. What sound or noise do you hate?
Car Alarms, why do you use one, they've never prevented the theft of a car and just aggravate the fuck out of all of us

7. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Doctor, I always wanted to grab someones testies and say "now cough"

8. What profession other than yours would you not want to attempt?
Politician... I think they all become a little corrupt and self serving, they have no soul.

9. What is your favorite swear word?
I really like the word Fuck, it's so versataille:
Don't fuck with me
Fuck me
Fuck you
I'm fucked
You're fucked
Did you fucking see that
That's fucked up
What the fuck?

It just has so many uses

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say to you as you enter the Pearly Gates?
"Everyone look busy the boss is back." But more likely I'll hear, "hey it's Axel Rose"

safereturns 47F

12/19/2005 2:12 am

Good stuff. Welcome.

rm_beefore 46M
2 posts
12/19/2005 8:24 pm

Thanks safereturns, I like your blog, very erotic to read

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