Long time gone  

rm_atstepchild 40M
4 posts
7/20/2006 12:16 am
Long time gone


I had not posted to my blog in quite a while. Am I being lazy? Too busy? Just didn't think of it? Whatever the reason, I might as well toss some words at the wall and see what sticks.
Frustration sinks in yet again. Work is what work is, a necessary evil. It is not completely unbearable by any means, but it is not overly rewarding lately. On a personal side, I still cannot get dates. Girls hang out with me, call me up to chat regularly, all the usual stuff, but noone wants to date me. Hell, I even have a woman living here (more or less) and I still am single. Part of my frustration is that I am the poster child of modern chivalry, but the women don't seem to want it. They use the kindness offered, then turn around and go out with the losers. I am not bitter so much about the one living with me. I know her history and what to expect (or not expect) from her better than most. She just stands out as indicative of the greater problem. I have never once been successful asking a girl out. They are either outright not interested or don't want to 'hurt our friendship' by dating. Even my close friends don't understand why I am single.
The sexual side is only a piece of the equation. Let's face it, I'm guy, so I can take care of matters myself when it comes to that. There are deeper needs some of us have that simply cannot be addressed solo. I love to sleep next to someone and feel them close to me. I love to wake up in the middle of the night and feel them embracing me back as I lie there with my arms around them, and know it is genuine, not just humoring me to get what they want.
As far as respectability and trustworthyness, I think I am a shining example, especially by today's standards. I am often the babysitter when people go out, a champion and protector when they push limits too far and the nurturing force to get them safely back when they overstep the line. A couple weeks ago, I picked up 2 girls from the bar (one that lived with me and another friend. (There's another long story there by the way, but I don't want to get into details without offering Adderall to follow the train of thought. In short, the daughter of a couple that work for me. Damn she's hot..... Anyway....) I brought them back to my house after a night at the bar. Put the one to bed, as is not unusual. The other one, I had just met for the first time that night. She was not in the best of conditions, so I ended up putting her to bed as well until she could safely get into a car the next day. By the time were were done, I had 2 very hot chicks pretty much naked with me, but I would not do anything with them in that state. My friends thought I was nuts for not 'taking advantage of the situation.' That is just my personality, and it could also be construed as in my mind. It was simply wrong to do.
It is late, I am rambling and I am frustrated. I guess the moral I am trying to find is why is it so simple for women to trust me implicitly, rely on me to be there for them, but never see that what I want in return is not so drastic or excessive. I am not asking for sex in exchange for kindness. I am not asking for anything tangible in lieu of support. I just want common courtesy, respect and someone to share myself with. Is that really too much to ask? Sometimes I think it is. My friends' advice is nearly always the same.... They tell me to be a complete asshole and I will start getting women. If that is what it takes to be wanted, then too bad. I will not do that to myself, my friends or to the potential mate that is out there for me to be something I am not. I can be an asshole, and am at times, but I will not change my nature so basely.

If anyone has advice, I am always willing to listen. What do I need to do to get what I need?

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